Party Monster (2003)
Seth Green: James St.James
Photos
Quotes
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James : Now it's all about photo placement. So if you're in a group of three always, always, always make sure that you're the one standing on the right because that way when they print the picture you'll be the one on the left. The caption will read "James St. James and bla bla bla" were seen, okay?
[Michael is taking notes]
James : Okay. Rules of press. Number one, no publicity is bad publicity. Number two, once something is printed it automatically becomes true. So number three, never ever dish anyone in print. Never be seen drinking anything other than champagne and never take heroin. Never wear white after Labor Day and avoid that one like the plague!
[points to photo of Peter Gatien]
Michael Alig : More, more!
James : Okay, okay. The art of working a room. Upon making your grand entrance, take your partner by the hand and circle around the room. Smile and say "hello" to everyone in the room. Even if you don't know them. Especially if you don't know them!
[walks around donut shop]
James : Hi!
Michael Alig : Hello! Hi!
James : Hi! Oh I'm so glad you came.
Michael Alig : I know you!
James : Go once around the room in opposite directions. You go clockwise to my anti-clockwise. Tell all the people how you've lost your friend and how desperate you are to find them. Oh, where could my friend be? Now suddenly we bump into each other and scream with uncontained joy!
[bumps into Michael and screams]
James : Good! Now link arms and around we go once more telling all our new found friends how we've found each other. We found each other!
Michael Alig : We found each other! Don't worry, I've found him!
James : Then leave. The whole thing should take an hour, 90 minutes tops. Do that once a night for three months and you'll be the toast of the town.
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[after James' phone conversion with Michael, who is in prison]
Interviewer : I can't believe you still talk to him.
James : Well, when was the last time you heard of a pea changing its pod?
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[to the Club Kids]
Dallas stage hand : Okay, you guys are on stage in five.
James : What do you mean, on stage?
Dallas stage hand : You know - your show.
James : Wait, what show?
[stage hand walks off]
James : But we don't do anything!
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[phone conversation]
Michael Alig : It's not so bad and after Gitsie and I get married we can have conjugal visits!
James : Oh Michael, Im so sorry, didn't you hear? Gitsie's dead. She had an overdose.
[Michael is silent]
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James : That's all you really need to know. That and don't dream it, be it.
Michael Alig : Rocky Horror, it's my fave!
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Michael Alig : James, would I lie to you
James : All the time!
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James : That's better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!
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Michael Alig : Oh James! I'm so glad I ran into you. Here, come to my party. The first annual King and Queen of Downtown Pageant.
James : I'd rather suck on a urinal cake.
Michael Alig : But James you have to come. You're my best friend.
James : How can we be best friends when I don't even like you?
Michael Alig : Have you met Keoki?
James : Well Aloha. How about a lei? I've always had a soft spot for Hawaiian Punch.
Michael Alig : [slaps James' hand] His name is Keoki and he's my new boyfriend. Tootles!
James : Tootles?
[reads party flyer]
James : Wait, it says here that I'm the emcee!
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Michael Alig : [catches James and Keoki doing drugs] You pathetic, drug addict losers!
James : Michael, I am not addicted to drugs. I am addicted to glamour.
Michael Alig : You! James Clark, you should be ashamed of yourself!
James : How dare you use my real name. And Michael, your champagne. Oh correction, your sparkling wine tastes like piss!
Michael Alig : [to Peter] So where was I? Oh yeah, so we'll put James in a cage and hang a sign over it that says "do not feed the drug child." It will transform Limelight and New York nightlife forever and it will be more outrageous than anything before. New stars, no rules, anything goes. Everyone will want to come.
Peter Gatien : Michael, aren't you listening to anything I've said?
Michael Alig : Yes siree! But this will work.
[pees in James' champagne glass]
Michael Alig : I'd stake my life on it.
Peter Gatien : You're crazy.
Michael Alig : Ah, James! Keoki! Just in time to toast to Disco 2000.
Peter Gatien : To Disco 2000.
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James : Michael, I hate when you make me say serious things, so I'm only going to say this once: You've gone too far with the drugs.
Michael Alig : Have you looked at yourself?
James : I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to glamour.
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Michael Alig : You saved my life, you know? Thank you.
James : I'm afraid I'm going to have to hang up now!
Michael Alig : Why?
James : Because you're trying to turn this into an after school special. Because you wanna get the last word and you want this to end with everyone liking you and it's my movie! I can't let it end that way.
Michael Alig : You always kept our pact. This is where I need to be.
James : I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work! Goodbye Michael Alig.
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James : No, no, no, for the love of God, no. We are not going to start out with Michael Alig's pathetic childhood - "I was molested, wahhh!"
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James : Testing one, two. Testing. Testosterone, testicular cancer, Tess of the d'Urbervilles.
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James : [to Keoki] If you are going to be a superstar DJ, there are three simple rules you need to remember: Number One: You can always rely the Studio 54 compilation set. They're premixed! They last for hours. And Number Two: Madonna. Always works. And Number Three: When all else fails, play techno! It's nondescript, nonrecognizable, and everyone will think you're *so* cutting edge.
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Michael Alig : I need some money
James : But Michael I'm broke... and I have a stomach ache.
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Michael Alig : I just want to be loved.
James : [laughs] There isn't enough love in the whole wide world to satisfy you.
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Michael Alig : Look James, this is going to be more than a club. It will be like a home, for everyone who ever felt like a freak, for everyone who was ever beat on or spat on in highschool, for everyone who felt different. It will be like the factory and i'll be the next Andy Warhol.
James : Ok. Earth to you : Andy Warhol is still alive and well.
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Michael Alig : Wait, don't go! Do you want a cocktail? Here, I have drink tickets.
James : [laughing sarcastically] Drink tickets? You obviously couldn't even organize a glass of water!
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Keoki : What's that?
Michael Alig : It's a kitty! Aw, it's our lovechild. We'll call him Skrinkle.
James : [voice over] As you dry your eyes, let me just say this about that. Skrinkle was just the beginning. Skrinkle begat Skroddle and Skrinkle and Skroddle were the Lego blocks of a strange new world he was building for us all. You were either a Skrink or a Skrod. I was a Skrinklada if I was good or a stupid Skrod lover if I was bad. Somehow, his dopey language caught on like his stupid parties.
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James : [singing] Skriglada laskrog ladoodleda laskrig laskrog ladoodle skriglada skriddladoodle skrogla.
Michael Alig : I knew you'd come.
James : Banana? Peach?
Gitsie : Oh my God! You're alive!
Michael Alig : [laughing] It was so nice being dead. Oh my God. I just had a great idea. The emergency room. We'll all get dressed up like nurses and doctors and give out prescriptions for free drugs and Keoki will DJ and you can be a serial killer nurse with an enema!
James : Michael, I can't.
Gitsie : Can I be a mental patient?
Michael Alig : Of course you can. James, do you have a bump of K?
James : I'm really trying to get my act together and write, Michael.
Michael Alig : A bump of K isn't gonna kill me now, is it?
[laughing]
Michael Alig : Come on, let's get out of here!
James : Michael, you can't just leave. You're attached to things. Michael!
[Michael leave his ER room]
Michael Alig : Come on, James. The show must go on.
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James : Oh darling, half the fun of eating meat is hacking it up!
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James : And now I've been cut off without a penny. So, no more trust fund, and no more Gaultier, and no more fucking Comme des Garçons, Michael!
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James : Michael, I have to talk to you!
Michael Alig : Not now, James! We have to go before the police get here. Now get in! You, what's your name?
Angel : Um, I'm Angel.
Michael Alig : Well, where's your wings?
James : Michael.
Angel : What?
Michael Alig : Listen, could you help us get this door closed? I think you have to do it from the outside.
Angel : If I do that then I won't be able to come.
Michael Alig : If you do this now you'll be one of us and next time I'll make you VIP. Very, very important person. So come on now. Be an Angel.
James : Michael, you're out of your mind.
Michael Alig : Oh please, party in the truck!
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Male Geisha : Why doesn't Fran come into work anymore?
James : Because she's been indicted for tax evasion and cannot leave her house.
Male Geisha : Oh... I miss Fran. Her new house is neat and tidy.
