My Life Without Me (2003)
Sarah Polley: Ann
Photos
Quotes
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Ann : Nobody thinks about death in the supermarket.
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[Ann writes in journal]
Ann : THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
Ann : 1. Tell my daughters I love them several times.
Ann : 2. Find Don a new wife who the girls like.
Ann : 3. Record birthday messages for the girls for every year until they're 18.
Ann : 4. Go to Whalebay Beach together and have a big picnic.
Ann : 5. Smoke and drink as much as I want.
Ann : 6. Say what I'm thinking.
Ann : 7. Make love with other men to see what it's like.
Ann : 8. Make someone fall in love with me.
Ann : 9. Go and see Dad in Jail.
Ann : 10. Get false nails. And do something with my hair.
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Ann : [off] This is you. Eyes closed, out in the rain. You never thought you'd be doing something like this, you never saw yourself as, I don't know how you'd describe it... Is like one of those people who like looking up at the moon, who spend hours gazing at the waves or the sunset or... I guess you know the kind of people I'm talking about. Maybe you don't. Anyway, you kind of like being like this, fighting the cold, feeling the water seep through your shirt and getting through your skin. And the feel of the ground growing soft beneath your feet. And the smell. And the sound of the rain hitting the leaves. All the things they talked about in the books you haven't read. This is you, who would have guessed it? You.
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Ann : Now you feel like you wanna take all the drugs in the world, but all the drugs in the world aren't gonna change the feeling that your whole life's been a dream and it's only now that you're waking up.
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Ann : [about the things in the mall] It's just there to try and keep us away from death, and it doesn't work.
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Ann : No-one's normal, Mom. No such thing as normal people.
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Ann : [letter] Life is so much better than you think, my love. I know because you managed to fall in love with me even though you saw, what was it, you said 10%? Five maybe? Maybe if you'd seen it all, you wouldn't have liked me. Or you would have liked me in spite of everything. I guess we'll never know...
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Ann : Without dreams you can't fucking live.
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Ann : You pray that this is your life without you.
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Lee : Ann, it's something I have to tell you and I have to tell you now.
Ann : Lee, I'm...
Lee : I love you! I'm in love with you... And the world seens less terrible because you exist! I feel like I wanna be with you for the rest of my life... And all that, the palpitations, and the nerves... the pain, the happiness, and the fear! I wanna... I wanna touch you all the times! I wanna take care of you and your girls! And even find your husband a decent job! And get you a house that doesn't have wheels and...
Ann : Careful... That sounds like a classic case of falling in love.
Lee : I am in love... I'm classically in love!
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[last lines]
Ann : You don't know who or what you're praying to, but you pray. You don't even regret the life that you're not gonna have, because by then you'll be dead. And the dead don't feel anything. Not even regret.
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The Hairdresser : So yeah, I'll see you in a few weeks!
Ann : [wistful] No, you won't.
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Nurse #2 : [annoyed] Do you know how many nurses we have here at this hospital?
Ann : Do you know what it's like to be waiting at the school gate all on your own with your nose freezing to death, while all the other kids get picked up by their moms?
Nurse #2 : [a brief image is shown of the nurse as a child, waiting all alone in front of a vacant school] ... Yeah, I do...
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Ann : [a brief shot of Lee on a deserted cliffside is seen. He sits down in his car, looking depressed beyond belief as he loads a cassette tape into the car's music player. The voice of Ann is heard in the last tape she ever recorded before her death] My darling Lee, l guess by the time you get this tape you'll know that l'm dead, and, well, all that... maybe you're angry with me, or...
[the image changes to a shot of Dr. Thompson, who has locked himself in his own office and is crying silently while holding Ann's box of tapes for her children that she entrusted him with]
Ann : or hurt, or sad or upset...
[the shot changes to hairdressers dancing, to Ann's waitress clipping a photo of Cher from a fashion magazine, and then to Ann's co-worker gnawing on a carrot stick with tears in her eyes]
Ann : ... or maybe you're just all of it together. I just want you to know that I fell in love with you.
[Dr. Thompson opens the box of tapes and neatly sorts them by date on his office shelves. Meanwhile Lee leans against the wall of his empty apartment, weeping beside his bookshelf]
Ann : l didn't dare tell you 'cuz l thought you kind of knew, and l didn't realize l had so little time. Actually, time is the one thing l haven't had enough of recently. Life is so much better than you think, my love. l know, because you managed to fall in love with me even though you saw, what was it, you said ten percent? Five maybe?
[the shot changes to one of Don, Penny and Patsy with another woman, cheerfully packing their van for a day at the beach. The children laugh. The woman is revealed to be Ann's neighbour, also named Ann, and Don is holding her hand affectionately]
Ann : Maybe if you'd seen it all, you wouldn't have liked me. Or you would have liked me in spite of everything. l guess we'll never know. Oh, and one last thing...
[a shot is shown of Lee painting his walls white and piling up more used books for his collection]
Ann : Lee, for God's sake, just paint your walls and buy some furniture, alright? l don't want the next woman you take home to get the wrong idea about you and run off before she gets a chance to know you. Not everyone's as crazy as I am... l loved dancing with you.
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Ann : [trying to joke around] I knew something was pretty serious when you sat down here beside me.
Dr. Thompson : [awkward] They're renovating my office, changing the air-conditioning and...
[looking suddenly really sad]
Dr. Thompson : no, that's not true... l can't sit down in front of someone and tell them that they're gonna die... l've never been able to...
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[last lines]
Ann : [tape to Lee] I loved dancing with you.
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Ann : Alone. You're alone. You've never been so alone in your whole life.
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Ann : I said thanks, okay? So just drop it.
Ann's Mother : I don't need your thanks.
Ann : Then I'll take them back.
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Dr. Thompson : Hello, Ann.
Ann : [about Dr. Thompson giving her eye contact when he speaks to her] Is this some sort of therapy to help you get over your shyness?
Dr. Thompson : ...Something like that.
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Ann's Mother : It's my birthday. Wish me happy birthday.
Ann : Happy birthday, Mom.
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Ann : l will not have the only thing my kids remember about me be a hospital ward.
