Scary Movie 3 (2003)
Kevin Hart: CJ
Photos
Quotes
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Mahalik : I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week and this mornin' he woke up dead!
CJ : How the hell do you wake up dead?
Mahalik : Cause' you're alive when you go to sleep.
CJ : So you're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?
Mahalik : You can't go to bed dead! That shit would've been redundant.
CJ : No it would'nt cause' you can go to bed and not be dead, and you can die and not be in the bed.
Mahalik : But you are in the bed. That's how you wake up dead in the first place fool!
CJ : Damn! that's some quantum shit right there man! You should be teaching classes!
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George : You guys ever wonder what it would be like to stop livin' up here
[puts hand up in the air]
George : and start livin' down here?
[puts hand down low]
Mahalik : Or what if we stop livin' over here
[puts his hand out to the side]
Mahalik : and move over there?
[puts his hand to the other side]
CJ : Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.
Mahalik : For what?
CJ : Mice.
Mahalik : I thought she had rats?
CJ : No, rats are outside, mice are inside.
Mahalik : But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?
CJ : I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.
Mahalik : That's because it's a rat, fool!
CJ : Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha!
George : Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything...
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U-God : You stepped on my shoe, bitch!
Redman : Man, call me a bitch again and I'll park your truck... dead in yo ass!
Macy Gray : DAMN, HOMEY!
CJ : [to the rappers] Hey yo, they comin! Over here!
RZA : If I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now!
Method Man : Yo Momma!
U-God : I got your number too, homey.
Master P : He ain't gonna bust nuthin. I got nuts bigger than him.
RZA : Oh, yeah? I'll roll up on you too... you country ass maple syrup biscuit eatin' nigga!
Master P : Ya'll want some biscuits? You want some biscuits?
[a shootout happens between all the gangster rappers; Macy Gray fires a rocket launcher killing all of them and herself]
Tom : I cannot believe what just happened!
President Harris : These men all died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos.