Scary Movie 2 (2001)

David Cross: Dwight

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dwight Hartman : Okay, thanks, "Handyman".

  Hanson : I'm actually the caretaker. Oh, aren't those cool new skates? Now you be careful with those, you don't want to fall and break something.

  Dwight Hartman : Oh, that's funny, that's real funny. Um, let me give you a "hand."

  [starts clapping] 

  Hanson : Why, that's awful kind of you. Why don't you give me a "standing ovation?"

  Dwight Hartman : Why don't you "lift me up?"

  Hanson : Ha, ok, I see where you're going with this one. You look familiar to me. Were you in "STOMP"?

  Dwight Hartman : Hey you can kiss my grits!

  Hanson : I think I'll be the bigger man, now, and walk away. "Walk" away.

• Dwight Hartman : Let's split up.

  Brenda Meeks : Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?

  Theo : She's right, we should stick together.

  Dwight Hartman : She's right. Okay.

  [pointing to Cindy, Buddy and Theo] 

  Dwight Hartman : You three, follow me!

  [Brenda, Shorty and Ray are left alone] 

  Shorty Meeks : Ain't that a bitch.

  [the three of them begin to cry] 

  Brenda Meeks : We gonna die, y'all.

• Dwight Hartman : Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing?

  Little Bird : Fuck off, four eyes.

  Dwight Hartman : H... h... I beg your pardon?

  Little Bird : I said: "Fuck off... four eyes"

  Dwight Hartman : You know, I oughta kick your ass!

  Shorty Meeks : Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi little birdy... Polly want a cracker?

  Little Bird : Polly want your momma's sweet ass.

  Shorty Meeks : ...what did Polly say to me?

  Little Bird : I said: "Polly wants your momma's... sweet ass".

  Shorty Meeks : You don't be talking 'bout my momma son, you don't know my momma son!

  Little Bird : Yeah, I know your momma, I fucked her last night.

  Shorty Meeks : You want beef? I'll fuck you up!

  Little Bird : Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking.

  Shorty Meeks : Aw no fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, ya'll. Hold my tooth son.

  Little Bird : Yeah come on bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me? Come on, bring it on!

  Shorty Meeks : What you hardcore? Gimme somethin'!

  Little Bird : Lemme outta here, come on pussy. Lemme outta here, I'll fuck you up!

• Buddy : Are you okay, Dwight?

  Dwight Hartman : I can't... I can't feel my legs...

  [pause] 

  Dwight Hartman : Aaahahaha! I can't feel my legs!

  Ray Wilkins : You never could.

  Dwight Hartman : Hey... you stay out of this, all right?

• Hanson : [while reaching out to Dwight who is hanging from the third floor window]  Here! Take my hand!

  Dwight Hartman : NO! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! Give me your OTHER hand!

• Buddy : Hey, Cind.

  Cindy Campbell : Hey, Buddy.

  Buddy : [punches her in the boob]  Open chest! Oh, come on. You gotta be quicker than that A cup.

  [Cindy crawls up] 

  Theo : Hey, guys.

  [all the guys say hello and look at her sexually] 

  Theo : Well, are you boys gonna sit there with your mouths open or is someone gonna offer me a seat?

  [everyone pushes their chairs towards her] 

  Dwight Hartman : [Dwight pushes wheelchair towards her and sits on Ray's leg]  I warmed it up for you. It's the best seat in the house.

  Ray Wilkins : Second best.

  [Ray touches Dwight's hair] 

• Hanson : All right, who's ready for a wing?

  Dwight Hartman : Yours or the turkeys?

• Hanson : Who's ready for a wing?

  Dwight Hartman : Yours or the turkeys?

  Shorty Meeks : Oh shit, son.

  Hanson : Well, I know what you'd like. How about a leg?

• Dwight Hartman : I know what you thinking. That I fire three shots or a hundred and seventeen? Well, do you feel lucky,

  [pause] 

  Dwight Hartman : punk? Do you

  [pause] 

  Dwight Hartman : feel lucky?

  [says faster] 

  Dwight Hartman : Do you feel lucky, punk?

  Hell House Ghost : Shoot me, motherfucker.

• Dwight Hartman : How about I take these two legs... and shove them right up your ass - all the way to the knee.