Ritual (2002)

John Kassir: The Crypt Keeper

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Crypt Keeper : [in a fake Jamaican accent]  Oh, what up my people? Welcome to Jamaica man! This is your old bosom bloody the Cryptkeeper.

  Hot Girl : Nice hair.

  The Crypt Keeper : Aint they cool? On me they call these "deadlocks".

  [Cackles] 

  The Crypt Keeper : Woah! One of the things I love about Jamaica is the eye popping honeys. Of course, I'd prefer them with a little less meat on their bones, or better yet, just bones

  [Cackles. A woman brings him a drink with a shrunken head in it] 

  The Crypt Keeper : T'anks but that's not what I be meanin when I say I want a little head.

  [Cackles] 

  The Crypt Keeper : Anyway, mon, I just wrapped my new movie here in Jamaica, where they dance, smoke grass and all the nice girls be in the voodoo trance. What a place to work. You've got mangos, papayas,

  [Focus in on a woman's breasts] 

  The Crypt Keeper : tourists and they're all so delicous.

  [Cackles] 

  The Crypt Keeper : So enough of the jabberin'

  [We focus in on a woman lying on her back. She's slowly taking off her bra] 

  The Crypt Keeper : Our movie awaits... oy! So sit back and relaxe kiddies, and don't worry, be happy! The beast is yet to come! Hahahahahahaha!