Bedazzled (2000)
Toby Huss: Jerry, Alejandro, Beach Jock, Sportscaster, Lance
Quotes
-
[Elliot is trying to prove he isn't gay]
Jerry : [as Lance] Oh, this is just sad!
Elliot Richards : Will you shut up, bitch!
-
[Elliot as the most emotionally sensitive man is being abandoned by Alison]
Elliot : I can't handle this kind of rejection. Why don't you want to stay?
Alison : You want to know why, Elliot? Because you're just *too* sensitive! I'm about to go out of my mind! It's been wonderful, and God knows I love you, but enough is enough! I just want to be with a man who'll ignore me and take me for granted, who's only pretending to be interested in who I am and what I think so he can get into my pants.
Jerry : That would be me.
Alison : Oh, thank you! Let's get out of here.
Elliot : Alison! Wait! Alison! I'll get into your pants!
-
[Two of Elliot's friends are sportscasters during the basketball wish]
Jerry : The fans are going nuts here at the Forum in Los Angeles. The score, 135 to 85. Elliot Richards has totally dominated. If you're just tuning in, it's a shame because you've missed one of the greatest performances in the history of sports.
Dr. Ngegitigegitibaba : Absolutely, Jerry. Absolutely. People say basketball caught fire with the ass-sendry of Michael Jordan. But after what we've seen here tonight, a lot of people are gonna be saying, Michael who?
Jerry : Right from the get-go, the fans took a look at Elliot Richards and a few women fainted and a few fellas, well, I'd rather not say, but they liked what they saw.
Dr. Ngegitigegitibaba : Absolutely. He's a big fella and an imposing fella.
Jerry : He's enormous. He's listed at 7'6 in the program, but I say he plays, like you said, 11 feet tall.
Dr. Ngegitigegitibaba : No, I don't think he's that big, Jerry.
Jerry : No, I'm saying the game he plays is that of some Viking giant with a basketball in one hand and a club in the other and standing 10, 11, 12 feet tall!
-
Jerry : [as Lance] And I'm Tony Danza!
