The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)

Matt McGrath: Howie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Howie : Dumb gorgeous people should not be allowed to use literature when competing in the pickup pool. It's like bald people wearing hats... it's deceiving.

• Howie : You told me once that you were waiting for me to wake up. You didn't wait long enough. I've never been more awake than I am right now. And I admit it I fucked up. No matter who you were there would have always been something wrong with you and someone better out there. And I wish that I could change that. I wish that I could take back all the times I didn't appreciate you. But I'll tell you right now, that I loved you. I still love you. And it has nothing to do with me; it has nothing to do with how good looking he is. It has to do with you. Because you are sweet, you're endearing, and uncomplicated. And you're so beautiful. I hope that you're happy together. I hope that this works out and that he's everything that you need, because you deserve it. But if he's not, and it ends I'll be there. It's my turn to wait, and I'm going to wait long enough.

• Howie : Look! Benji's talking to Idaho Guy!

  Dennis : Who?

  Howie : Idaho Guy. He's Benji's newest crush. Benji's been working out near him for weeks in hopes that Idaho Guy would notice.

  Dennis : Why do you call him Idaho Guy?

  Patrick : I don't know. He just kind of... looks like he's from Idaho. It's not one of our better ones.

• Marshall : I hang on because I love you, and I wait patiently for you to calm down and wake up and realize that you love me too. You hang on because it's easy.

  Howie : When you say it like that I sound like an asshole!

• Howie : Meanwhile, don't look now but.

  [Patrick looks] 

  Howie : I could kill you!

  Patrick : What? You act like he would never know we were checking him out.

  Howie : He wouldn't even know I was a fag if I wasn't here with you and your cart full of kitchenwares.

  Patrick : What planet are you living on? There isn't a person in this entire store who wouldn't pick you off the homo tree in a second!

  Howie : Oh keep telling yourself that.

  Patrick : Excuse me, Miss.

  [woman walks over] 

  Patrick : This man, you've never seen him before in your life. Tell me, fag, not a fag?

  Female Shopper : Oh I'd have to say big fag.

• Howie : I hate this city. Everyone's better looking than me.

• Benji : It's called being horny.

  Howie : It's not horny. I know horny. I've taken a lecture series on horny.

  Benji : They have lecture series on horny?

• Taylor : No Streisand, no Bette, no Judy? What the fuck's a fairy supposed to do around here in case of an emergency?

  Patrick : There's gotta be something.

  Howie : I'm looking.

  [pulls out a CD] 

  Howie : Celine Dion?

  Taylor : In Hell!

• Howie : There is not a single film in the cinematic canon that paints the portrait of a gay man that any of us would aspire to be. What are our options... noble, suffering AIDS victims, the friends of noble suffering AIDS victims, compulsive sex addicts, common street hustlers and the most recent addition to the lot, stylish confidantes to lovelorn women. Just once I would like to see someone who is not sick, hasn't been laid in about three months and is behind on his student loans.

  Benji : And that is someone you would aspire to be?

  Taylor : Right?

• Dennis : If Larry Kramer knew this is how gay men in America spent their time, he'd defect.

  Howie : He probably would.

  Patrick : Larry Kramer can blow me.

  Howie : He probably would.

• Dennis : Is that the girl from 'Young and the Restless'?

  Howie : I'm so over Y&R.

• Patrick : I couldn't do it.

  Leslie : See I told you he was gonna start some shit.

  Anne : You couldn't do it?

  Patrick : I need material.

  Anne : They don't have material?

  Patrick : Well the whole "Hustler" ouvre isn't exactly helping my cause right now.

  Howie : Oh my God it's embarrassing to even be seen in here! You owe me so big for this hag! You know my issues with buying porno.

  Leslie : Hurry up!

• Marshall : I still make you speechless?

  Howie : [nods] 

• Cole : The one time you bastards actually keep a secret is the one time it matters. Now I feel like shit.

  Howie : I think that's a scientific impossibility.

• Howie : Meanwhile.

• Howie : I want to be Cole! Why can't I be Cole! Why couldn't God have made me Cole!

  [looks at his therapist] 

  Howie : My friends get a haircut with this.