- Petula: [looking at porn magazine] Bloody hell, that can't be pleasant. I mean that's as thick as a baby's arm. Would you let a baby do that to you with its arm?
- Petula: [remembering Brian's driving lesson] Neutral. Always make sure your vehicle is in neutral before you start your engine, Petula. Or I will punch your fucking lights out.
- Sergeant Binnie: Ask him something only he would know.
- Petula: [into phone] When was the last time we made love?
- Dorothy: [playing along] Twenty minutes ago up the bottom!
- Petula: Oh, God, yeah that's right. It's him!
- Sergeant Binnie: Then he's a very lucky man!
- Petula: [Slaps him]
- Sergeant Binnie: Because he hasn't had his head cut off...