Discworld Noir (1999 Video Game)

Kate Robbins: Carlotta Von Uberwald, Ilsa Varberg, Sapphire, Laredo Cronk, Mrs. Fomes, Cleaners

Quotes 

• Ilsa Varberg : And did you forget?

  Lewton : I don't remember.

• Lewton : So, what do you do for a living?

  Laredo Cronk : I'm a tomb evacuator.

  Lewton : And what does that involve?

  Laredo Cronk : It's a lot of fun. It means breaking into ancient buildings within which no man or woman has walked for thousands of years, apart from whoever it is who leaves all those medical kits, of course, and working my way through fiendish traps and puzzles and eventually stealing some priceless treasure.

• Lewton : So, what does a tomb evacuator do?

  Laredo Cronk : Nothing special. I break into places where priceless antiquities have been locked away for centuries, overcome the elaborate and convoluted security systems, defeat my rivals and make away with the treasure. Typical day's work, really.

  Lewton : So you must be pretty rich, then.

  Laredo Cronk : Oh, I've got absolutely pots of money. Anyway, the whole thing with the tombs and so on is just a hobby. And of course it's great for making friends.

  Lewton : What, among fiendish tomb-guarding monsters?

  Laredo Cronk : No, I kill all those. I meant people are always asking me things like "How do you get to the third ledge in the tomb of Texmecscwisine?" What's a walkthrough?

  Lewton : Never heard of it.

  Laredo Cronk : People are always asking me for one. I hope it's nothing to do with sex.

  Lewton : My mind just boggled, sorry.

• Laredo Cronk : The Disc needs more tomb evacuators. We're really not that common and there seems to be a never-ending supply of tombs, catacombs, pyramids, ziggurats, burial chambers, wrecks, caves, lost cities, temples, mines, crypts, mazes, barrows, castles, forts, vaults, swamps, chasms, labyrinths, mountains, mausoleums, tunnels and dungeons to raid.

• Lewton : What can you tell me about a golden sword?

  Laredo Cronk : Ha! You'll have to be more specific than that. Golden swords aren't that uncommon, you know. I must have evacuated about thirty in my career, and that's not including the golden daggers, golden lances and golden kebab skewers.

  Lewton : I'm sorry?

  Laredo Cronk : The ancients seemed to think that gold was the best material to build everything out of. And I mean everything. The ziggurats of Tezuma had golden cutlery, golden swimming pools, golden bedsheets and golden chamberpots.

  Lewton : Really?

  Laredo Cronk : Well, not anymore because I stole it all. But for a while it was very impressive.