Drowning Mona (2000)

Bette Midler: Mona Dearly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chief Wyatt Rash : My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad!"

  Mona Dearly : Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile a' shit! What am I supposed to make outta that?

  Phil Dearly : Shit salad?

• Bobby Kalzone : [after grabbing the golf club Mona is using to damage Bobby's Yugo]  God... this is. I mean, enough's enough. All I ever wanted was a nice professional business so that Ellie and I could have a...

  Jeff Dearly : [Cuts off Bobby and begins tapping his thumb and middle finger together]  Ya, ya, ya, you know what this is? This is the world's smallest tambourine, and it's, and it's playing some sort of song or something.

  Mona Dearly : Shut up! Shut up! That's a violin, you asshole, give me that thing, give me that!

• Mona : Why'de you pull us over Feege?

  Feege : Oh let me think about that Mona, you're riding on rims and you pulled an 1107 on an officer of the law. What the hell is the matter with you son? (to Jeph)

  Mona : What did you hurt him for?

  Feege : He's drunk!

  Mona : No he aint! Its OK baby. (to Jeph.) You're gonna pay for this Feege! You just lost your lawn service pal!

• Mona Dearly : [Regarding the name BJ Landscaping]  BJ?

  [laughs, then adds, condescendingly] 

  Mona Dearly : Well, I think "JB" has a nicer ring to it. Besides, you don't want anyone goin' around calling ya "Blow Job Landscaping" - Do ya?

• Jeff : [while threatening to kill himself]  I know you all think I killed my parents.

  Chief Wyatt Rash : We don't think you killed anybody!

  Jeff : Yeah? Well, you're full of shit! Everyone know I've been wanting to get back at her ever since that night...

  [a flashback shows Mona cleaving a sausage] 

  Jeff : Hey, Ma, there's no more beer. Give me some of yours.

  Mona Dearly : Don't touch that beer, Jeff.

  Jeff : [reaches out]  Oh, give it to me.

  Mona Dearly : I SAID...

  [cleaves his hand clean off] 

  Jeff : [screams in pain]  FUCK!

  [back to present, everyone goes disgusted in shock] 

  Jeff : Was I so wrong?

  Feege : You bet your ass.

  Jeff : Yeah, but, I didn't kill her. Look, don't get me wrong: I'm glad she's dead and all, but I sure as hell didn't do it.

  Chief Wyatt Rash : Jeff, I know you didn't kill her.

  Jeff : I didn't kill my dad neither.

  Chief Wyatt Rash : Then why don't you give me the gun.

  Jeff : [puts the gun to head]  BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS, MAN!