Drowning Mona (2000)

Danny DeVito: Chief Rash

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chief Wyatt Rash : My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad!"

  Mona Dearly : Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile a' shit! What am I supposed to make outta that?

  Phil Dearly : Shit salad?

• Wyatt Rash : [In questioning Bobby about the "landscaping demise" of a customer's small dog]  I understand you don't cut the Schneiders' lawn anymore.

  Bobby Kalzone : No, Sir. Not since Jeff killed Peaches.

  Wyatt Rash : Jeff killed Peaches ..? I thought it was the other way around.

  Bobby Kalzone : Peaches killed Jeff?

• Chief Wyatt Rash : Tell me something Cubby, you notice anything odd lately?

• Chief Wyatt Rash : Along those lines.

• Jeff : [while threatening to kill himself]  I know you all think I killed my parents.

  Chief Wyatt Rash : We don't think you killed anybody!

  Jeff : Yeah? Well, you're full of shit! Everyone know I've been wanting to get back at her ever since that night...

  [a flashback shows Mona cleaving a sausage] 

  Jeff : Hey, Ma, there's no more beer. Give me some of yours.

  Mona Dearly : Don't touch that beer, Jeff.

  Jeff : [reaches out]  Oh, give it to me.

  Mona Dearly : I SAID...

  [cleaves his hand clean off] 

  Jeff : [screams in pain]  FUCK!

  [back to present, everyone goes disgusted in shock] 

  Jeff : Was I so wrong?

  Feege : You bet your ass.

  Jeff : Yeah, but, I didn't kill her. Look, don't get me wrong: I'm glad she's dead and all, but I sure as hell didn't do it.

  Chief Wyatt Rash : Jeff, I know you didn't kill her.

  Jeff : I didn't kill my dad neither.

  Chief Wyatt Rash : Then why don't you give me the gun.

  Jeff : [puts the gun to head]  BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS, MAN!