Hellboy (2004)

David Hyde Pierce: Abe Sapien

Photos 

Quotes 

• Abe Sapien : [while stitching up Hellboy's forearm]  How long did he touch you?

  Hellboy : I don't know? About 5 seconds?

  Abe Sapien : [pulls three eggs out of his forearm]  Touched you five seconds, laid three eggs.

  Hellboy : Didn't even buy me a drink.

• Abe Sapien : Remind me why I do this again.

  Hellboy : Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind.

  Abe Sapien : Ah!

• Abe Sapien : [about Sammael]  Harbinger of Pestilence, Seed of Destr...

  Hellboy : Cut to the end, will ya? How do I kill it?

  Abe Sapien : Hmm, doesn't say.

• Abe Sapien : [after probing the sealed door]  Behind this door, a dark entity. Evil, ancient and hungry.

  Hellboy : [sighs]  Oh, well. Let me go in and say hi.

• [about his Rubik's Cube] 

  Abe Sapien : Listen, I'm not much of a problem solver. Three decades... and I've only completed two sides.

• John Myers : He doesn't want me with him. I know that much. He respects Clay, not me.

  Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm : You're doing fine.

  John Myers : No, I'm not. Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm not your guy.

  Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm : I'm dying, Agent Myers. Like any father, I worry about him.

  [pauses] 

  Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm : In medieval stories, there is often a young knight who is inexperienced, but pure of heart.

  John Myers : Oh, come on. I am not pure of heart.

  Abe Sapien : Yes, you are.

  Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm : Rasputin is back for him. What I'm asking of you is to have the courage to stand by him when I am gone. He was born a demon; we can't change that. But you will help him, in essence, to become a man.

• Hellboy : Outside. I could be outside.

  Abe Sapien : You mean, outside with her.

  Hellboy : Don't get psychic with me, fella.

  Abe Sapien : Nothing psychic about it. You're easy.

  Hellboy : How am I gonna get a girl? I drive around in a garbage truck.

  Abe Sapien : Liz left us, Red. Take the hint.

  Hellboy : [picks up his gun]  We don't take hints.

• Abe Sapien : [in a tank, to Liz]  If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other. And I'm stuck in here, so look after the big lug for me, will you?

• Abe Sapien : [as Hellboy walks away from Sammael's corpse]  Red, you need to hear the rest of the information.

  Hellboy : Nah, he's taken care of.

  Abe Sapien : No, listen to this. Sammael, the Desolate One, Lord of the Shadows, Son of Nergal...

  [Hellboy starts to make "blah blah" motions with his hand] 

  Abe Sapien : ...hound of resurrection.

  Hellboy : [stops]  See, I don't like that.

  Abe Sapien : What? Hound of resurrection?

  Hellboy : [turns around; Sammael is gone]  Mmm.

• Abe Sapien : You've been burned by some kind of organic acid.

  Hellboy : I'm lucky that way.

• Hellboy : Look at them ugly suckers, Blue. One sheet of glass between us and them.

  Abe Sapien : Story of my life.

• Abe Sapien : [to Manning while handling a piece of evidence ungloved]  Don't worry about fingerprints. Never had any.

• John Myers : Hey, no one goes with him? Jesus.

  Abe Sapien : No. He likes it that way. The whole "lonely hero" thing.

• Hellboy : [as Abe is patching up Hellboy's arm after his first fight with Sammael, Abe accidentally hurts Hellboy]  DAMN! Could you *please* be a little more careful?

  Abe Sapien : Mm-hmm... big baby.

• Tom Manning : Hey, fish stick. Don't touch anything.

  Abe Sapien : I need to touch it to see.

  Tom Manning : See what?

  Abe Sapien : Past, future. Whatever this object holds.

• Abe Sapien : Professor... you are very sick.

  Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm : I don't want Hellboy to know!