Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

Thomas Lennon: Documentarian

Quotes 

• Voice of Documentarian : [Gladys has just thought of a theme for the pageant: Proud to be an American]  So what was the theme of the pageant last year?

  Gladys Leeman : Oh, that was "Buy American"

  Voice of Documentarian : And the year before that was...?

  Gladys Leeman : "USA is A-OK!"

  Voice of Documentarian : And can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant?

  Gladys Leeman : Can I? "Amer-I-Can!" People ask me where I get this, I don't know, it's... maybe a gift from God or somethin'.

• Voice of Documentarian : So you've, uh, you've judged a lot of pageants over the years?

  John : No, no, no way, no. Never judged a pageant before in my life. Mm-mm. No way. Never been around young girls. I mean, even if I was, I mean, why would I wanna be, y'know? I-I don't get off on that kinda thing and that's really why you're askin', right?

  [pause] 

  John : Someone say somethin'?

• Voice of Documentarian : Do you think that most people would say that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea?

  Gladys Leeman : Oh yeah, sure. I know what some of your big city, no-bra-wearing, hairy-legged women libbers might say. They might say that a pageant is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls.

  Iris Clark : What's sick is women dressing like men.

  Gladys Leeman : You betcha, Iris. No, I think you boys are gonna find something a litle bit different here in Mount Rose. For one thing, we're all God-fearing folk, every last one of us. And you will not find a "back room" in our video store. No, no, that filth is better left to the sin cities.

  Iris Clark : AKA Minneapolis Saint Paul.

• Voice of Documentarian : So, just tell us your name, and why you're signing up for the pageant.

  Leslie Miller : Ok... Hi... I'm Leslie Miller... and I'm signing up 'cause... oh... I always watch the pageants on TV and my boyfriend thinks I'll win

  [cuts to Leslie and her boyfriend making out] 

  Leslie Miller : Hi Pat. GO MUSKIES, WOO!

  [Makes fish face] 

• Voice of Documentarian : What makes you so sure that Becky's gonna win?

  Loretta : Why do I think she'll win? You're talking about-

  [to Annette] 

  Loretta : Ow, don't pinch! You're talking about the most famous family in Mount Rose. Its front page news when one of them takes a shit!