Man on the Moon (1999)

Paul Giamatti: Bob Zmuda

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Tony is mocking people who came to see his show] 

  Tony Clifton : How you doing? You enjoying the show?

  Bob Zmuda : [nervously]  Yeah.

  Tony Clifton : What's your name?

  Bob Zmuda : Bob.

  Tony Clifton : Bob?

  [mockingly] 

  Tony Clifton : Bob! What's your last name, "Up-and-down-in-the-water"?

  Bob Zmuda : Gorsky.

  Tony Clifton : Gorsky? That Polish?

  Bob Zmuda : Yeah.

  Tony Clifton : You trying to do Polish humor?

  Bob Zmuda : No, that's...

  Tony Clifton : SHUT UP!

  Bob Zmuda : That's just my name.

  Tony Clifton : SHUT UP! I do not appreciate racial slurs! I think them dumb Polacks have been ridiculed enough! I do a clean show here!

• Andy Kaufman : What do... What do we do now?

  Bob Zmuda : Now you pick.

  Andy Kaufman : But what if I... hurt somebody's feelings?

• Bob Zmuda : It's my buddy's first time with a prostitute.

  Madame : What are you talkin' about? Andy comes here almost every weekend.

• Bob Zmuda : All right. Which one?

  Andy Kaufman : I will have both! I will have this fraulein und the one with the big strudels.

• [after sitting through Tony Clifton's show, a reluctant George Shapiro is requested to a private venue with Clifton, who is busily eating a pasta dish] 

  George Shapiro : What do you want?

  Andy Kaufman : [Clifton pulls down his sunglasses to reveal he is actually Andy in makeup]  Just a little friendly conversation, George.

  Tony Clifton : [Kaufman switches back to Tony's voice]  You hungry? You look thin!

  [singing to himself in tune of "Funiculi Funicula"] 

  Tony Clifton : Italiano, cacciatore Scaloppine, pasta fagiol.

  George Shapiro : I don't understand this act.

  Andy Kaufman : It's just good old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain.

  George Shapiro : What about that poor schlub you humiliated?

  [Bob Zmuda, in disguise as the poor schlub Shapiro just mentioned, arrives and takes a seat next to Andy] 

  Bob Zmuda : Hey, man, excellent show. That was a great show. That was awesome.

  Andy Kaufman : George, this is my writer and old friend, Bob Zmuda.

  Bob Zmuda : [shakes hands with Shapiro]  Hey, George, how are you? I'm Bob.

  Andy Kaufman : He's very creative.

  Bob Zmuda : I'm the brains behind this operation.

  Andy Kaufman : Yeah, dream on. He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo.

  Bob Zmuda : This was fantastic, George. We got like 50 actors tearing through the zoo. And they're all screaming

  [sounding panicked] 

  Bob Zmuda : There's a fucking lion, man, a lion!

  George Shapiro : Your name's not Gorsky.

  Bob Zmuda : [peels off fake mustache]  Don't believe everything you hear, George.