Hercules (1997)
Bobcat Goldthwait: Pain
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Quotes
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Hades : I can't believe this guy! I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]
Hades : What... are... those?
Pain : Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing...
Hades : [slowly burns up] I've got 24 hours to get rid of this... bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, and YOU ARE WEARING HIS MERCHANDISE?
[Hades hears a noise, and sees Panic slurping some "Herculade"]
Panic : [chuckles nervously] Thirsty?
[Hades screams, and blows up a volcano]
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Panic : "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain : I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Panic : Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?
Pain : Run for it!
[Hades seizes them and chokes them]
Hades : So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your exact words?
Pain : This might be a different Hercules!
Panic : Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays.
Pain : Remember like a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Britney?
Hades : I'm about to rearrange the cosmos... and the one schlemiel who can louse it up... is waltzing around IN THE WOODS!
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Hades : Pain!
Pain : Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Hades : Panic!
Panic : Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain : Pain - Ow!
Panic : And Panic - eechk!
Pain , Panic : ...reporting for duty!
Hades : Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.
Panic : Oh, they're here!
Hades : [shouting] WHAT? The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?
Pain , Panic : [grovel] We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain , Panic : Worthless worms!
Hades : Memo to me, Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.
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Pain : [as he and Panic patrol the now-imprisoned gods, bellowing] Hup-two-three-four, c'mon, everybody. I can't *hear* you!
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Pain : [beaten up by Pegasus] My intentions were pure! I really was attracted to you!