- Customer: [to Ed] Excuse me? Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it.
- Ed: That's what I gave you.
- Customer: No! You gave me a bun. Just a bun! Look! There's no meat in here.
- Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it.
- Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
- Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said "nothing".
- [to Fizz]
- Ed: Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
- Fizz: Uh, something?
- Ed: I win!
- Customer: That's it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
- Ed: The manager already knows my name.
- Customer: [while throwing the bun down] And I'll see you in Hell!
- [Leaves]
- Ed: OK! See you there!
- Connie Muldoon: [as she gives her long order, her speed of talking increases] Hello. My name is Connie Muldoon. I'm hosting a family reunion and my oven has run amuck; I think it's the heat actuator. Anyhoo, I'd like to order, uh, three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals, and 17-piece order of your Good Chunks and, okay, on two of the Junior Good Meals, I need to substitute the Good Cookies for Good Pies. Now, don't fret if that's extra; I'll pony up the overage. And, uh, oh! On the regular Good Meals, I need two of the Good Burgers to have ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, but no onion; I've got an interview this afternoon. Let's see, that takes care of everyone but Uncle Leslie who doesn't eat meat but, of course, he does eat dairy, so I don't get it. Let's get Leslie a Good Chickwich, some Good Fries, and a Good Root Beer all to go. But I would like to have my beverage while I wait. Now, total me up.
- Shaquille O'Neal: Little man, I ordered tomatoes on this Good Burger, and I don't see no tomatoes!
- Ed: Well, hang on...
- [pulls a couple of tomato slices out of his pocket, and slaps them on Shaq's burger]
- Ed: There! Consider yourself tomatoed!
- Shaquille O'Neal: You're not like other people are you?
- Ed: Nope.
- [Ed dumped Trilampathol into the meat supply, causing Mondo Burger to be destroyed]
- Ed: I thought that if I took the can, there was a good chance that I'd get caught, but even if I did get the Trilampathol to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some powerful attornies who would dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger by manipulating the legal system and the way America's court system is congested these days, it would take months to convict him of anything. So I thought I'd take matters into my own hands and dump the Trilampathol into the meat supply, making Mondo Burger a victim of its own foul play.
- Dexter: You thought all that?
- Ed: Yeah. I'm not stupid.
- Ed: What's wrong? Were you bitten by a sheep?
- Dexter: What?
- Ed: Did you lose your trousers?
- [looks down at Dexter's legs]
- Dexter: No! Look, you are an unusually bad guesser, so I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you why I'm upset. I gotta come up with $1900 to fix some jerk's car, another $800 to fix my mother's car, and I just got fired. Man! I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger... and he yelled at me... and he assaulted me... and he made fun of me...
- Ed: [after a long pause] Boy... you must really suck!
- Dexter: I could've sworn I've seen you somewhere before.
- Ed: Maybe I'm someone famous like a baseball player or a pretty nurse.
- Dexter: What? What are you talking about?
- Ed: Okay, I give up. Who am I?
- Dexter: I don't know *who* you are or *where* I've seen you before or *why* you think you're an attractive nurse.
- Ed: [with 2 grapes up his nose] Look! I'm Grape Nose Boy! Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
- Dexter: Stop that.
- Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
- Dexter: Would you stop?
- Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
- Dexter: That ain't funny!
- [laughs]
- Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity... Made ya laugh!
- Dexter: So... Oh, I give up.
- Angry Customer: Can I get two Good Burgers?
- Ed: Sorry, dude, I gotta go get 'em. Customers aren't allowed in back.
- Angry Customer: Just give me two Good Burgers!
- Ed: Dude, I can't just *give* you two Good Burgers. you hafta pay for 'em.
- Angry Customer: [shouts] All right, that's it! I've had it up to *here* with Good Burger!
- Deedee: Ed! There must be 50 customers out there! It's unbelievable! What do you put in that sauce?
- Ed: Well, you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
- [Dexter tackles him to the ground]
- Ed: Um, look Dexter, I like you as a friend and all but...
- Dexter: No! Listen to me carefully.
- Ed: Okay.
- Dexter: Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.
- Ed: Oh, well first you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
- Dexter: *Stop It*! Stop talking. *Never* tell anyone the ingredients of your *sauce*.
- Ed: Huh! How do you like me now? I'm a dude throwing ice cream! Yeah! Here's vanilla! Take some chocolate! Yeah! Fudge!
- Dexter: Okay let's see, $5 an hour, 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, I should be able to pay off the car in... oh, another lifetime!