The Stupids (1996)

Alex McKenna: Petunia Stupid

Photos 

Quotes 

• Buster Stupid : What if we formed our own army?

  Petunia Stupid : Then we'd have to form our own country.

  Joan Stupid : We could call it Stupidia.

• Stanley Stupid : I'm stuck, I'm caught, I'm trapped! Somebody help me out here!

  Petunia Stupid : I'm cornered!

  Stanley Stupid : That's it, I'm cornered! That's the word I'm looking for.

• Glamorous Actress : Some people think it's easy being a celebrity, but when they canceled my series "Malibu Beach Detective", I was just absolutely devastated.

  [the "Applause" sign comes on and the audience applauds] 

  Late Night Show Host : Well, I'm sure everyone is very sympathetic for you. You've put so much work into such a fine series to have it taken off the air.

  Glamorous Actress : As an artist, I was truly crushed.

  [the "Applause" sign comes on again and the audience applauds] 

  Glamorous Actress : It was the most awful, shocking, heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me!

  [backstage, Petunia is unkowingly flipping the switch that turns the "Applause" sign on and off] 

  Petunia Stupid : Mom, I can't get this light switch to work.

  Joan Stupid : Just a moment dear.

  [she writes "Give it to the fat guy" on a blank cue card] 

  Joan Stupid : Now, let's take a look.

  [she fiddles with the switch and the sign comes on, with audience applauding] 

  Glamorous Actress : Well, maybe you'd all be happier if there was no primetime television.

  [Joan fiddles with the switch some more; the audience keeps applauding] 

  TV Director : What's going on?

  Glamorous Actress : You could spend every night reading books together.

  [Joan flips the switch; the audience applauds; the Glamourous Actress leaves] 

  Late Night Show Host : Well, my next guest is a world-class French chef, so stay tuned, everyone, and let's...

  [reads from cue card which is actually a reminder note from Joan Stupid] 

  Late Night Show Host : Give it to the fat guy!

  French Chef : Fat? Fat? Moi, fat?

  [yells in French] 

  French Chef : [he starts shaking the host around while Joan flips the switch one last time and the audience applauds] 

• [repeated line] 

  Petunia Stupid : Let's move.