Flirting with Disaster (1996)
Richard Jenkins: Paul Harmon
Photos
Quotes
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Agent Paul : You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?
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Agent Paul : Is this a musical table?
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Agent Tony : We're riding in two cars until we get to the B and B, Paul. That's not an agenda.
Mel : Let's just hit the road, okay?
Nancy Coplin : [to Mel] You don't mind if he rides with you, right?
Mel : Why can't he ride with you?
Agent Paul : [to Tony] Do you see what you're doing to me?
Agent Tony : Ride with us. I don't care. Ride with us.
Agent Paul : Oh, that's so generous of you, Tony. You know, I think I'll ride will illicit couple number two.
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Mary Schlichting : How do you feel?
Agent Paul : Vivid. I'm seeing colors I don't want to see.
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Agent Paul : You can't catch the wind!
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Tina : Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex?
Agent Paul : You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies.
Agent Tony : For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-I mean, in, uh, in the sense... that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. Not into penetration, at all.
Mel : Okay, do we have to talk about this right now?
Nancy Coplin : Well, why not? Are you a homophobic?
Mel : No, I...
Nancy Coplin : I think it's interesting.
Mel : Really? Well, I think in front of the baby we shouldn't.
Agent Paul : Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel.
Mel : What?
Agent Tony : Paul, don't patronize her.
Agent Paul : I'm not patronizing her.
Agent Tony : She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS... and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? Tested negative three times in the last seven months.
Nancy Coplin : Really?
Agent Paul : Runway ready for takeoff.
Agent Tony : If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times.
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Sheriff : Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms and get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the Shlytings.
Mr. Coplin : Schlitinooks.
Sheriff : Shitkings.
Mrs. Coplin : No, Schlichtings
Sheriff : Well, anyway, it's clear that we have the wrong people here.
Mel : That's what I've been trying to tell this guy for the last half hour.
Mrs. Coplin : Thank God for this Federal agent. And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants?
Agent Paul : I had an experience, that's why.
Mrs. Coplin : What do you mean?
Agent Paul : I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me.
Mrs. Coplin : I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I got some jewelery somewhere, if you please.
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Agent Paul : Without spontaneity, the world of B&B's is fairly meaningless.