Jeffrey (1995)

Steven Weber: Jeffrey

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Father Dan has just tried to kiss Jeffrey] 

  Jeffrey : Wait! You're really a priest?

  Father Dan : Of course.

  Jeffrey : But... I mean, aren't you supposed to be straight and celibate?

  Father Dan : Maybe you didn't hear me. I'm a CATHOLIC priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.

• Jeffrey : I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people. As if even straight people are like that!

  Sterling : That is so true! I was watching these two guys on Nightline on Gay Pride Day, and one of them said "Hi. I'm Bob Wheeler, I'm an attorney. And this is my lover, and he's a surgeon. And we would like to show America that all gays are not limp-wristed, screaming queens. There are gay truck drivers and gay cops and gay lumberjacks," and I just thought, "Ooh! Get her!"

• Jeffrey : But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats."

  Sterling : Exactly. I said you needed a boyfriend, not a person.

• Sterling : You know, Darius once said you were the saddest person he knew.

  Jeffrey : Why did he say that?

  Sterling : Because he was sick. He had a fatal disease. And he was a million times happier than you.

• Acolyte : I can walk!

  Jeffrey : You could always walk.

  Acolyte : Shut up.

• Jeffrey : Dad, I am not going to have phone sex with you and mom!

• Skip Winkley : Who is your biggest sexual fantasy?

  Barney's Waiter : [wipes the side of his mouth seductively]  Den-ZEL Washington.

  Jeffrey : The guy at the gym.

  Sterling : Yoko Ono.

  [everyone looks at Sterling with a suprised look] 

  Sterling : To see the apartment!

• [opening lines] 

  Jeffrey : [voice over]  I love sex. It's just one of the truly great ideas. I mean, just the fact that our bodies have this built-in capacity for joy, oh it makes me love God. Yes!

• Jeffrey : I will find a substitute for sex. Sex Lite. Sex Helper. I Can't Believe It's Not Sex!

• [Regarding his brush with Mother Theresa] 

  Jeffrey : She looked good.

  Sterling : Please, she's had work done.

• [last lines] 

  Jeffrey : [flicking Steve a red balloon]  I dare you.

• Jeffrey : I'm working an AIDS memorial. Another one. Curator for the Met. The usual assortment of people. His straight brother. His doctor. His gorgeous Italian boyfriend.

  Jeffrey : [suddenly dawns on him]  Oh my God. I'm so disgusting. You know what I'm doing? I'm cruising a memorial!

  Sterling : Oh please. We all are. It's not that we're that we're not sad, it's just there's all these guys here.

• Jeffrey : I have weapons: irony... adjectives... eyebrows!