Airheads (1994)

Joe Mantegna: Ian

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chazz : Okay, lemme ask you a question: whose side did you take in the big David Lee Roth-Van Halen split?

  Chris Moore : What?

  Marcus : What kind of question is that?

  Chazz : Whose side did you take: Halen or Roth?

  Chris Moore : ...Van Halen.

  Ian : HE'S A COP!

• Ian : The Lone Rangers? That's original. How can you pluralize "Lone Ranger"?

• Ian : Okay, who are you guys?

  Pip : My name's Pip.

  Ian : The band. The band name.

  Pip : Sorry about that.

  Ian : He doesn't wear a helmet, does he?

• Milo : You're gonna scream "Rock and Roll"? You're gonna go to jail for that?

  Ian : There's a saying Milo: If it's too loud, you're too old.

• Ian : You're on the air!

  Butt-head : [on phone]  Whoa! Am I on the air?

  Beavis : Come on, Butt-head, give me the phone.

  Ian : [to Beavis and Butt-head]  What? Am I speaking English, what did I just say dipshit?

  Chazz : So, what do you guys want?

  Butt-head : You guys are, like, The Lone Rangers, right?

  Chazz : Yes.

  Butt-head : We saw you guys at The Wheel Well last month. You suck!

  Rex : Hey, come down here and say that, you punks!

  Chazz : Yeah, well, you can kiss my ass.

  Butt-head : Why don't you make the chicks get naked?

  Beavis : Yeah, yeah! Naked!

• [first lines] 

  Ian : [on the air]  Oh yeah! That was for all you pinheads out there too hip to take off your leather jackets in this 95 degree heat. Now I know when the weather gets like this it brings all you nut bags out of the wood pile. And since I am a trouble magnet, I have one thing to say to you bozos, and that is, back off. Here's the Sons of Thunder from the debut album Scrabbled Eggs and Wobbly Legs. You're listening to Ian Shock, on the station with more hair, more flair, yet so debonair, KPPX. Rebel radio-O-O-O.

• Ian : Well, there's three of you. You're not exactly lone. Shouldn't you be the Three Rangers?

• Rex : We're a band.

  Ian : [sarcastically]  Of course, the Partridge Family. Which one of you is Laurie?

  [the band laughs at the comment] 

  Ian : Get out.

• Ian : [after Chazz rejects a record contract]  He wipes his ass with his record contract, I like this guy!

• [the demo is briefly played on the air, but it's not played properly] 

  Chazz : Hey, what the did you do with it?

  Ian : What did I do with it? Hey, I didn't do anything. Tonto must have loaded the tape in wrong.

  Pip : Hey, your machine dilapidated it, man.

  [suddenly, the demo is ruined by catching a fire]