Last Action Hero (1993)

Charles Dance: Benedict

Photos 

Quotes 

• Benedict : I wonder if you'd help me test a theory?

  Mechanic : Sure, what can I do for ya?

  Benedict : Well...

  [Benedict shoots him. He listens for a while, looks at his wristwatch, then shouts] 

  Benedict : Hello? I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose!

  [listens some more, still nothing] 

  Benedict : I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess!

  [listens some more, someone tells him, "Hey, shut up, down there!". He looks pleased] 

• Benedict : Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on

  [takes out the ticket] 

  Benedict : , I'll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong! We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprize party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do the catering, and then we'll have christening for Rosemary's Baby! All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. They're lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

• Benedict : I understand you are interested in drug dealers.

  Danny Madigan : [whispering]  Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye.

  Jack Slater : Sir, are you a henchman?

  Benedict : No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?

  Jack Slater : Yeah, take off your sunglasses.

  Benedict : Who's asking?

  Jack Slater : [flashes Police badge]  The tin man.

  Benedict : Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.

  Jack Slater : No, they're the wrong color.

  Benedict : Are they? Oh dear. Let's change them. Would arterial red suit you?

  [points to guard dogs] 

  Benedict : Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained.

  [snaps fingers, dogs form pyramid] 

  Benedict : I snap my fingers again and some time tomorrow, you emerge from several canine rector. Or you and Toto can return to the land of Oz. Questions?

  Jack Slater : Yeah, two of them. Why am I wasting my time with silly putz like you when I could be doing something more dangerous - like rearranging my sock drawer? Two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?

  [pause, Benedict reveals smiley-face eye] 

  Benedict : Have a nice day!

  [closing the door, he overhears Danny] 

  Danny Madigan : He had one with a bulls-eye when he was with your second cousin. He hates his boss, he calls him a "Sicilian schmuck."

• Tony Vivaldi : What is this, Benedict? First you're my friend; now you turn a... 360 on me!

  Benedict : 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin - *180*! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started!

  Tony Vivaldi : What?

  Benedict : Trust me!

  [shoots him] 

• Jack Slater : Sir, are you a henchman?

  Benedict : No, I only go as far as lackey.

• Benedict : If God was a villain, he'd be me.

• Danny Madigan : Benedict! If you harm a hair on her head...

  Benedict : Stop!

  [Pulls one strand of Whitney's hair, presents it to Danny, and snaps it in two] 

  Benedict : You were saying?

  [Pulls up a chair] 

  Benedict : Now, I believe it was Sherlock Holmes who said, "If you eliminate all logical solutions to a problem - all illogical solutions, however unlikely, become inevitably true." See, I know that your name is Daniel Madigan. What I don't know is how you know mine?

  Danny Madigan : Slater showed me some mugshots. We made your face easy.

  Benedict : Daniel Madigan from New York. A long way from home, aren't you. When did you get here?

  Danny Madigan : Just.

  Benedict : And how do you know what I said on Vivaldi's terrace?

  Danny Madigan : I heard it in a recording.

  Benedict : Microphones in the statues, are there?

  Danny Madigan : You wouldn't believe how many.

  Benedict : And the eye I was wearing?

  Danny Madigan : I saw it. I saw it in a movie. There were micro-cameras in the statues.

  Benedict : I should tell you, that I have killed people smarter and younger than you.

• Benedict : Here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

• Benedict : [to Danny]  I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you.

• Tony Vivaldi : You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you always screwed it up.

  Benedict : [after Vivaldi leaves]  It's behind the eight ball, you moron!

• Jack Slater : Did you make a movie mistake? You forgot to reload the damn gun.

  Benedict : No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.

• Benedict : The Fart goes off in seven minutes.

• Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker : Sweetheart, wanna have a party?

  Benedict : How old are you?

  Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker : Forget it.

• Benedict : Take his shoes?

• [In the real world, Benedict is sitting in a diner talking to someone off-screen] 

  Benedict : The possibilities are limitless. But I have realized that freedom would elude me until Jack Slater was -- forgive the pun -- taken out of the picture. And I thought that you might be inclined to help. This all must be strange to you. But if you do this right, the world is your oyster. Trust me. You will be free to do whatever you want beyond your wildest dreams. And you will never have to go back to *this* film again.

  [Benedict lays his hands on a couple of film canisters that read "Jack Slater III". The camera turns around to reveal Benedict has been speaking to that film's villain The Ripper staring blankly at Benedict] 

  Benedict : You have never heard of this man, but his real name -- believe it or not -- is Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  [Benedict holds up a newspaper with Arnold Schwarzenegger among the movie listings for "Jack Slater IV"]