- Abner: I'm a professor with two Ph.D.'s, so why is it I'm running around with a refugee from Sesame Street?
- Chorus: There once was a man named Worrell-Ernest P. Worrell!/Even as a lad he was sensitive and caring/As cunning as a fox and as slippery as a herring/Whimsical and Mellow- A hale and hearty fellow/Not formal... Not normal! There once was a man named Worrell-Ernest P. Worrell!/He's kindly as a saint but he'll never shirk a battle/To villains everywhere he's a burr beneath the saddle/He's nimble quick and brawny-His skin is smooth and tawny/Not mealy... Not really! Ah ah ah ah! See the lightning fill the sky!/Ah ah ah ah! See the angry tide!/See the blinding rain come down 'Oh where is a hero now?' The children cried/He's inside... He went inside! There once was a man named Worrell-Ernest P. Worrell/The hero of today is the legend of tomorrow/And whosoever crosses him shall live their life in sorrow/For lo the bridges burneth/That they may not returneth/To learneth... from Erneth! There once was a man named Worrell-Ernest P. Worrell!/Let's celebrate this champion, this paragon of virtue/And should you be his foe, he'll be sorry if he hurts you/To some he's just a man but to others he's a beacon!/He sends his mother cash and he calls her every weekend!/He's punctual, he's affable, he's never quick to quarrel/He's moral... He's Ernest P. Worrell!
- Ernest: [after approaching a sign reading "Apple Maggot Contamination - Do not pass go, do not collect $200] Stopped by apple maggots again!
- Ernest: [as Dr. Glencliff's Cadillac is approaching Ernest, Abner, and the cannon from the distance] Uh oh, it's that crazy doctor in the Batmobile!
- [after the villains try to buzz-saw through his head to get the crown off, to no avail]
- Ernest: I'm lucky it hit the hard end!