Death Becomes Her (1992)
Bruce Willis: Ernest Menville
Photos
Quotes
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Ernest Menville : Where did you put my wife?
Second Doctor : She's dead, sir. They took her to the morgue.
Ernest Menville : The morgue? She'll be FURIOUS!
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Ernest Menville : 'Til death do us part! Well, you girls are dead. And I'm parting.
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[Helen has a gaping hole in her abdomen after being shot into a pool]
Helen : Look at me, Ernest! Just look at me! I'm soaking wet!
Ernest Menville : And there seems to be something wrong with your, uh... blouse.
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Emergency Room Doctor : I tell you what, kids, it's, uh, odd thing here. Your wrist, uh, far as I can tell, is, uh, fractured in three places. Uh, and you've shattered, uh, two vertebrae, though I can't be certain without an X-ray... The bone protrusion through the skin - that's not a good sign. You're body temperature is below 80, and your, your, your heart's stopped beating.
Ernest Menville : What the hell does that mean?
Emergency Room Doctor : Exactly! What... what... I'm going to get a second opinion.
[the doctor leaves in a hurry]
Madeline Ashton : Well, it could be worse.
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Lisle Von Rhuman : Go on... Drink it... It is the completion of your life's work. You gave other people youth and wasted your own! Drink. And you will be able to work again forever! Drink... drink, Dr. Menville. You owe yourself another chance! Drink! It's the right choice! The *only* choice! Drink! SEMPRE VIVE! LIVE FOREVER!
Ernest Menville : Then what?
Lisle Von Rhuman : What?
Ernest Menville : Then what happens?
Lisle Von Rhuman : What?
Ernest Menville : I don't want to live forever. I mean, it sounds good, but what am I gonna do? What if I get bored?
Lisle Von Rhuman : What?
Ernest Menville : And what if I get lonely? Who am I gonna hang around with, Madeleine and Helen?
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Ernest Menville : [at Helen's book party] Have you seen her yet?
Madeline : What a joke. She's not even here.
Ernest Menville : Wait. Look over there.
Madeline : [a heavy-set woman stands surrounded by people] Oh! Looks as though she's lost a few pou-
[the heavy set lady moves out of the way to reveal the incredibly thin Helen Sharp]
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Ernest Menville : She's dead!
Madeline Ashton : She is? Oh. These are the moments that make life worth living.
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[upon discovering her neck has twisted a complete 180 degrees]
Madeline Ashton : Ernest... my ass! I can *see*... my ASS!
Ernest Menville : And there's something really wrong with your neck too.
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Helen Sharp : You're a powerful sexual being, Ernest.
Ernest Menville : I am?
Helen Sharp : Yes, you are. If I never told you before, it was because I wasn't the sort of girl who could say the word "sexual" without blushing. Well I can now. Sexual... sensual... sexy... sex... sex... sex...
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Ernest : You're sitting there, you're talking to me, but you're dead!
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Ernest Menville : [after the sample of potion] Oh my god...
Lisle Von Rhuman : Oh! Thank you!
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Helen Sharp : [Helen throws a Spade at Madeleine, who catches it] En garde! *Bitch*!
Ernest Menville : Girls, girls! Let's just calm down! I'm sure we can settle this peacefully and nego... WHOA!
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Vivian Adams : I never had a chance to thank you for the spectacular job you did with my Aunt Esther.
Ernest Menville : Oh, well, thank you very much.
Vivian Adams : Her color, her tone. You even brought out her cheekbones.
Ernest Menville : Well, that's my job.
Vivian Adams : It was almost a shame to bury her.
Ernest Menville : It's so sweet of you to say that.
Vivian Adams : Can I ask you what your secret is?
Ernest Menville : Spray paint. You see, you can't just use regular makeup on dead skin. The pores are too dry. You've gotta use a palette and grind the stuff in. One day I'm in the hardware store and I think to myself, "What about mannequin paint?"It's got its own chemical adhesive, comes in an incredible variety of flesh...
Vivian Adams : [aghast] Excuse me!
[hurries away]
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Ernest Menville : Do you know what they call someone who sticks by their word no matter what? At the cost of all else? Do you know?
Helen : No.
Ernest Menville : An idiot. From now on I'm gonna be the kind of idiot *I* wanna be. An idiot with a modicum of pride, because you know what? I finally realized something. I've lived up to my promise. Till death do us part. Well, you girls are dead. And I'm parting. Cheers.
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[about his wife]
Ernest : Is it up yet?
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[Lisle has just stabbed Ernest's finger with the dagger]
Ernest Menville : Ah! Wha-what are you doing?
Lisle Von Rhuman : I'm loving you.
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Ernest : Well, from now on, I'm going to be the kind of idiot I want to be!
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Lisle Von Rhuman : [Emerges from her pool wearing only high heels] I hope you don't mind that Harry and Dick had to dress you... You were inproperly attired, for the occasion.
Ernest Menville : What occasion?
Lisle Von Rhuman : I'm throwing a party upstairs... I throw one every Spring, for my clients.
Ernest Menville : All right... ok... what do you want with me?
Lisle Von Rhuman : For you... I'd like to give a present... The gift of life and youth, forever...
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Madeline Ashton : Who cares how I played? I won!
Ernest Menville : I'll just be upstairs...
Helen : That's 'cause you could raise your legs higher than anyone.
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Ernest Menville : [frantically] Life in prison? Know what that means to a person in your condition?
Helen : So negative. Let me enjoy the moment.
Ernest Menville : What about the neighbors?
Helen : Neighbors? In 12 years in Los Angeles, have you ever seen a neighbor?
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Ernest Menville : Life has turned out as quite a party.
Helen : You used to hate parties.
Ernest Menville : That was when I was old. You should see me now.
Helen : I didn't know you were so unhappy.
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Ernest Menville : [yells when he finds Helen in the house, when he has been upstairs preserving and painting Madeline]
Helen : [drops shovel] Where is she!
Ernest Menville : [nervously] Oh my gosh - Helen! What are you doing here?
Helen : [suspicious] What's that on your hands - blood?
Ernest Menville : Paint.
Helen : Paint? What would you be doing that you have paint on your hands?
Ernest Menville : Painting.
Helen : Ernest - are you doing something funny with Madeline?
Ernest Menville : Define "funny".
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Helen : Now, listen to me, Ernest. I thought this thing through carefully and I know it's the only way. Tonight, while she's asleep, you'll sneak downstairs, quietly, go to the study, and take one of each kind of wine glass from the shelf. Then, you'll take this narcanal and lightly coat each glass. As you know, narcanal is a very powerful alcohol-based tranquilizer, so you won't need much. Tomorrow, I'll call Madeline to say goodbye. I'll try to get her to invite me to dinner.
Madeline : *In fantasy sequence* Fine, why don't you just come to dinner?
Helen : Then, at dinner, we propose a toast. No matter which glass she drinks from, the narcanal will be on the glass. Then, you and I work together quickly. First, we finish dinner. Then, we load her in the car, take her to the top of Mulholland Drive, call the police and report that we've seen a drunk woman swerving dangerously close to the edge.
Ernest : *In fantasy sequence* There's some drunk woman up here on Mulholland, swerving dangerously close to the edge.
Helen : We'll sit her up in the driver's seat and make it look like she's had just a little bit too much too drink. We drop the car into gear, wedge her foot down on the accelerator, clamp her hands on the steering wheel and send her on her way. By the time they perform the autopsy, the narcanal will be completely dissolved, leaving only traces of alcohol. She'll be classified as just...
Fantasy Doctor #1 : *In Helen's voice during fantasy sequence*... another drunk driver.
Helen : They'll check her blood-alcohol.
Fantasy Doctor #2 : .4-0. She had it coming.
Helen : And think nothing more of it. The case is closed, Madeline is dead and we're free.
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Madeline Ashton : I just want you to know one thing Hel.
[Cocks Shotgun]
Madeline Ashton : You brought this on yourself!
Ernest Menville : Madeline!
[Madeline shoots Helen who flies into the pool as Ernest screams]
Ernest Menville : Oh my god!
[runs to check on Helen]
Ernest Menville : What have you done!
Madeline Ashton : [Cocks Shotgun] What have I done? Defended myself that's what! You plotter. Co-Conspirator!
Ernest Menville : [shouting] She's dead!
Madeline Ashton : She is?
[gasps and smiles]
Madeline Ashton : These are the moments that make life worth living.
Ernest Menville : My God Madeline, that was horrible! It was brutal, it was stupid! The police Madeline! The police!
Madeline Ashton : Oh what are they gonna do? Put me in the gas chamber? Big deal.
Ernest Menville : What about life in prison? Do you know what that means to a person in your condition?
Madeline Ashton : Oh, you're so negative. Can't you for once just let me enjoy the moment?
Ernest Menville : What about the neighbors? You don't think they heard that gunshot?
Madeline Ashton : Neighbors? In twelve years in Los Angeles. Have you ever seen a neighbor?
Ernest Menville : Oh! I gotta think! I gotta think! One of us has to stay rational.
Madeline Ashton : I am completely rational, Ernest. We're going to bury her. In Death Valley. You and I
Ernest Menville : I most certainly will not!
Madeline Ashton : Oh No?
[places gun under her arm and walks towards Ernest]
Madeline Ashton : pretty strong words for a murderer on the run. Which is let's face it, exactly what you are Ernest.
[Madeline kicks a Shovel]
Madeline Ashton : What if the police should receive an anonymous phone call about you and find me on the floor not breathing, no pulse? Ain't nobody can play dead like me, Ernest. What will you tell them? You're going to be very popular in prison.
Ernest Menville : Prison?
Madeline Ashton : Prison. Do you know what they do to soft, bald, overweight Republicans in prison, Ernest?
Ernest Menville : I'll get the shovels, dear.
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[Ernest wake up next to a swimming pool dressed in a suit. Men enter the room as Lisle swims naked]
Lisle Von Rhuman : I'm glad to see you are awake, Dr Menville.
[She exits the swimming pool]
Lisle Von Rhuman : I hope you don't mind, that Harry and Dick had to dress you. You were improperly attired for the occasion
[One of Lisle's men wrap her in a towel]
Ernest Menville : What occasion?
[Lisle drops the towel, exposing herself]
Lisle Von Rhuman : I'm throwing a party upstairs. I throw one every spring, for my clients.
[One of Lisles men dress her in a gown who them approaches Ernest]
Ernest Menville : Alright, okay. What do you want with me?
Lisle Von Rhuman : To you. I would like to give a present. The gift of life and youth, forever.
[Lisle unveils the egg container]
Lisle Von Rhuman : I saw your wife and friend. You did brilliant work. Show me your hand.
Lisle Von Rhuman : Come on, I won't bite.
[Lisle pricks Ernest's finger with the dagger]
Ernest Menville : Ooof..What are you doing?
Lisle Von Rhuman : I'm loving you.
[Lisle pulls the ribbon from the egg container which unveils the vial of potion, which she takes out and places on the table. Opening the vial, she dips the tip of the dagger into the potion. She runs the tip of the dagger over the wound of Ernest's finger which causes the potion to enter his blood stream which heals his wound and rejuvenates his hand]
Ernest Menville : My God...
Lisle Von Rhuman : Oh, Oh thank you!
[Lisle picks up the vial and gives it to Ernest]
Lisle Von Rhuman : But don't be modest. That's what you do. This is what you've always done. Stop time in people's faces and in their hands. You are like Don Quixote, tilting at nature's windmill. Drink it. Go on
[Ernest removes the top of the vial as Lisle's Men take a knee]
Lisle Von Rhuman : It is the completion of your life's work. You gave other people youth, and wasted your own. Drink, and you'll be able to work again forever. Drink. Drink Dr Menville. You owe yourself another chance. Drink. It's the right choice.! The only choice!
[Ernest prepares to drink the potion]
Lisle Von Rhuman : Drink! SIEMPRE VIVA! LIVE FOREVER!
[Ernest hesitates]
Ernest Menville : Then what?
Lisle Von Rhuman : What?
Ernest Menville : Then what happens?
Lisle Von Rhuman : What?
Ernest Menville : I don't wanna live forever, I mean it sounds good, but what am I gonna do? What if I get bored?
Lisle Von Rhuman : What?
Ernest Menville : And, what if I get lonely? Who am I gonna hang around with? Madeline and Helen? What if something happens to me? What if I get maimed? What if I get shot? What if someone pushes me down. What if I fall down a flight of stairs or something?
Lisle Von Rhuman : But you'll never grow old.
Ernest Menville : Yes. But everybody else will. I'll have to watch everyone around me die. I don't think this is right. This is not a dream. This is a nightmare! You people all have to be stopped!
Lisle Von Rhuman : Dick! Tom! Harry! Get the potion from him!
[Ernest picks up the dagger and throws it at the light switch darkening the room and escapes as Lisle's men try to stop him]
Ernest Menville : Relax. He won't get far. Not at his age.
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Madeline Ashton : [as she and Helen fight each other with shovels] You should learn not to compete with me, I always win!
Helen : You may have always won, but you never played fair!
Madeline Ashton : Who cares how I played, I *won*!
Ernest Menville : I'll just be upstairs.
Helen : Yeah, that's 'cause you can raise your legs *higher* and *wider* than anyone!
Madeline Ashton : AND BETTER!
Helen : But look at you now! You couldn't raise an eyebrow without major surgery!
Madeline Ashton : I've raised a lot more than an eyebrow in my day, you skinny, phony, hollow bitch!
Helen : Yeah? Well, you lost your one and only talent!
Madeline Ashton : Which was one more talent than you had, you former fatso!
