Brain Donors (1992)
John Turturro: Roland T. Flakfizer
Photos
Quotes
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Someday you'll have my children. In fact, they're in the car if you want them.
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Rocco Melonchek : You're lying.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Of course I am, but hear me out!
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Flakfizer : Lillian, I could make love to you right here.
Lillian Oglethorpe : Roland, let's keep this professional.
Flakfizer : Fine. I'll charge you fifty bucks a pop.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : And that spells cash with a capital...
Jacques : K!
Roland T. Flakfizer : You should go back to school.
Jacques : I hated teaching.
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Lillian Oglethorpe : Then it's settled. I am so excited.
Roland T. Flakfizer : You're excited? Feel these nipples.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?
Rocco Melonchek : Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Please, call me what everyone else calls me: "Your Royal Sex Machine."
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Carribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Miss, these seats are dreadful. They're facing the stage.
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[Wondering where Flakfizer has hidden his lover]
Lazlo : Ah! Your suite!
Roland T. Flakfizer : You're pretty terrific yourself.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Sorry, two's company, and three's an adult movie.
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Tina : Was that the doorbell?
Roland T. Flakfizer : That wasn't you?
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Roland T. Flakfizer : And she looks like she's about 15.
Lazlo : No, no, no.
Roland T. Flakfizer : OK, 14 then. In fact I know she's 14, because I was dating her a year ago.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Behind every great man there is a woman, and thank heaven I have Lillian Oglethorpe, because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.
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[the amount on a taxi meter is rising quickly]
Roland T. Flakfizer : Aren't those numbers going by a little fast?
Rocco Melonchek : You're probably just a speed reader.
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Flakfizer : [Talking on cellular phone] How did the market close?... Uh-huh. Well, roll over my amalgamated, split my utilities, and double my capital venture overlays. Now call me in an hour, and tell me what the hell I'm talking about!
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Volare : Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?
Roland T. Flakfizer : I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.
Volare : I was dancing professionally.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel... but I didn't come back here to rehash good times!
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Roland T. Flakfizer : You can be my chauffeur.
Rocco Melonchek : How much?
Roland T. Flakfizer : 200 bucks a week.
Rocco Melonchek : 600.
Roland T. Flakfizer : 300.
Jacques : 400.
Rocco Melonchek : 800.
Jacques : 900.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Wait a minute, wait a minute! Shouldn't I be in this negotiation somewhere? 350 and not a penny more.
Rocco Melonchek : I'll take it.
Jacques : What happened to one thousand?
Rocco Melonchek : I allow for taxes. I want four weeks in advance.
Jacques : Five weeks.
Rocco Melonchek : Six weeks.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Hold it, hold it, I'm giving you one minute to stop all this!
Rocco Melonchek : Two minutes.
Jacques : Five minutes.
Rocco Melonchek : Seven minutes.
Jacques : Nine minutes.
Roland T. Flakfizer : I've stepped into my own private living hell...
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Money's no object! It isn't mine!
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Roland T. Flakfizer : I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : If there's anything I can ever do for you... forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : Flakfizer doesn't know the MEANING of the word "No!" We're also a little fuzzy on "panaglutin" and "viscosity."
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Rocco Melonchek : We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient.
Doctor : I thought you were cardiologists...
Rocco Melonchek : Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Why do you think we have such long instruments?
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Jacques : Society's to blame.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Too much violence in the movies.
Rocco Melonchek : It's my environment.
Jacques : We were carrying out orders!
Roland T. Flakfizer : It's the Japanese. They're buying up everything.
Rocco Melonchek : Did we leave anything out?
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Roland T. Flakfizer : I'm all out of American currency. Here, take a fistful of Romanian fifties.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : You're not going to try and cheat me or anything.
Rocco Melonchek : I give you my word as a gentleman.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Well, you had me until then.
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Jacques : What about me?
Roland T. Flakfizer : To show you no favoritism, Rocco and I will also split your salary 50/50.
Jacques : Thanks!
Roland T. Flakfizer : That should you keep you out of a high-income bracket. Come to think of it, that you should keep you out of any income bracket!
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Usherette : Five and six.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Eleven. Now it's your turn: twenty-five and sixty-seven.
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Rocco Melonchek : [checking Mrs. Oglethorpe's pulse] I don't feel a thing. This woman is dead!
Flakfizer : You're holding *his* wrist!
Rocco Melonchek : Then this man is dead!
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Lazlo : I will do whatever is best for the ballet!
Roland T. Flakfizer : Well, there's no reason to commit suicide.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : To show you no hard feelings, how about a cigar?
Lazlo : I don't smoke!
Roland T. Flakfizer : Well, I do. Why don't you run out and get me one?
