Rubin and Ed (1991)

Howard Hesseman: Ed Tuttle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ed : Ever wonder why people wear clothes?

  Rubin : Nope.

  Ed : But...well, look at it this way. Man's best friend is his apparel. Now, you start to dress for success, and you will score with the babes, and make the big bucks. You gotta admit that's true!

  Rubin : I don't have to admit that.

  Ed : You have to admit that!

  Rubin : No, I don't!

  Ed : Yes, you do!

  Rubin : I don't have to admit anything!

  Ed : You have to admit there's hair on your head!

  Rubin : No, I don't!

  Ed : Yes, you do! You have to admit that!

  Rubin : No, I don't!

  Ed : But you have to admit your cat's dead! He's deader than a doornail! That cat is colder than a well digger's ass! Pretty hard to deny that isn't it, Mr. Smartypants? Yep. Deceased. El morto. No more Mr. Kittycat.

• Ed : I'll be quiet. Quiet as a well-digger's ass.

• Ed : You know what the biggest difference between me and a rich man is? He has my bitchy wife and I don't! And if he were smart, he would ask himself why!

• Ed : All those years in bed, I never had ONE! SINGLE! ORGASM!

  Rula : ARRGGGLE!

• Ed : Man, it is el warmo out here.

• Ed : Oh it's going to get weird now, isn't it?

• Ed : You know what the biggest difference between you and a rich man is? He has money and you don't! And if you were smart, you would ask yourself why!