My Blue Heaven (I) (1990)
Steve Martin: Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli
Photos
Quotes
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : 5 o'clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you're dead.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Are you trying to say capeesh?
Barney : Yeah.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Well don't do it, cause it hurts my ears when you do it
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Arugula. I haven't had arugula in six weeks.
Supermarket Manager : What's that?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : It's a vegetable.
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[Pickup line]
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.
Shaldeen : Why is that?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Because you could melt all this stuff.
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[Vincent Antonelli is questioned about the stolen goods in the trunk of the car he stole]
Hannah Stubbs : The books...
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : You have something against books?
Hannah Stubbs : I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in your trunk.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought this one on how to do it.
Hannah Stubbs : Why do you need 25 copies of it?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : In case I want to read it more than once...
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Ehh, she's not my type. I like 'em... I dunno, kinda dirty or something.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : You dirty rat!
Billy Sparrow : Snitch!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Stool pigeon!
Billy Sparrow : Informer!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Squealer!
Billy Sparrow : You dirty rat!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I already said you dirty rat!
Billy Sparrow : Yeah, but I say it better.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : [trying to blackmail Hannah] How's the turtle Mrs. Stubbs? Did your kids ever figure out you switched turtles on them because I know it would be a major disappointment for the to find out.
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Clerk at Supermarket : Hello sir, would you like to try a vanilla-bran oat crunchy?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : What do you think?
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.
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Supermarket Employee : Have a nice day.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Fuck you!
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Linda : [into telephone] Yes, I'd like a cab please at, ah...
[to Vinnie]
Linda : What the frig is the address here?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : How should I know? Number One, Happy Street!
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[Supervising his Mafia friends laying down sod for a baseball field]
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Green side up, fellas! Green side up!
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Two double scotches please.
Stewardess #1 : I'm sorry we can only serve two drinks at a time. Two double scotches would be four drinks.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : OK how about this? You sell me my double scotch, and you sell my friend his double scotch, but instead of putting his double scotch on his tray, you put it on mine and I'll pay you for both. By the way have I told you that you look lovely in red and blue... Pam.
Stewardess #1 : Ok, fine. Here you go.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Keep the change.
Stewardess #1 : Oh, we're not allowed to accept tips.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : [Turns to Barney] Not allowed to accept tips.
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Defense Attorney : You're currently in the federal witness protection program, is that correct?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Yes.
Defense Attorney : So you're living somewhere in America, under the protection of the federal government. You agreed to testify against Mr. Gatzo, and in exchange for this testimony you've been given immunity, a nice house, and a weekly paycheck. Is that correct?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : [conspiritorialy] That's not all I get.
Defense Attorney : Ah. Well, perhaps you'd like to enlighten the jury as to what else the government is giving you in exchange for this testimony?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Sure.
[turns to the jury, very earnestly]
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I get to never see my parents again. Or my loved ones. I get to live in a place... It's OK, don't get me wrong... The air is clean and the people are nice, but for a guy like me, who was raised on the sidewalks of the city that never sleeps, it's a living hell. There were times when I thought of giving it all up, particularly when my wife left me. They gave us a nice house, with flowers in front. It made us sick. But I made a deal with the government so I'm here to tell the truth. So if you think I'm saying what I'm saying about Mr. Gatzo killing Nicky Capelli only because of the deal, you got a point. But it's still the truth.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's dream.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : What a day for a mow eh?
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : When did your wife leave?
Barney : October.
Vince : That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October?
Barney : I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as!
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Barney : The Padres play the Mets every so often, though you folks would probably be Yankees fans. It's been my experience that most organized crime people are.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I love the Yankees, Linda loves the Yankees, so does Terry.
Linda : Who's Terry?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : You are.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I thought you were dead.
Billy Sparrow : That was the general idea.
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Hannah Stubbs : And where did you learn to jump start a car?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : I learned it in the army.
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[Vinnie palms off a $100 bill to Barney]
Barney Coopersmith : You don't tip FBI men!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Sure you do!
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[last lines]
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : You know, sometimes I even amaze myself.
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U.S. Attorney : And what happened then, Mr. Antonelli?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Mr. Capelli left the room.
U.S. Attorney : Did Mr. Gatzo say anything at this point?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli : Mr. Gatzo said, Kill the fart. I apologize your Honor, but that's what he said.