The War of the Roses (1989)

Danny DeVito: Gavin D'Amato

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gavin : There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?

• Gavin : My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife and his shoes.

• Gavin : There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!

• Barbara Rose : Have you ever made angry love?

  Gavin : Is there any other way?

• Gavin : Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.

• Gavin : At 15 I became an evolutionist; and it all became clear. We came from mud. And after 3.8 billion years of evolution, at our core is still mud. Nobody can be a divorce lawyer and doubt that.

• Gavin : I should have seen her toes in the pit of my crotch as a cry for help.

• [last lines] 

  Gavin : [on the phone with his wife]  Hi, what're you doing? I'm coming home. Love you.

  [smooches] 

  Gavin : Bye.

• Barbara Rose : Besides money...

  [Barbara kicks off one of her heels and puts her foot in Gavin's crotch] 

  Barbara Rose : what would it take to get you to help me, Gavin?

  Gavin : Come on, put your shoes on, Barbara. I haven't been into feet since '82.

• Oliver Rose : What the hell is wrong with you?

  Gavin : [cut to interior of Gavin's office]  If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.

• [first lines] 

  Gavin : [Gavin is talking to a client]  You have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce.

  [blows his nose with a handkerchief] 

  Gavin : Excuse me. My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.

  [sprays nasal decongestant up his nostrils] 

  Gavin : In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.

  [pulls a cigarette out of a pack] 

  Gavin : I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.

  [lights his cigarette] 

  Gavin : I hadn't smoked for thirteen years. I kept the last cigarette from my last pack. I said if I never smoked this one cigarette I'll never smoke again, period. Thirteen years I kept that cigarette.

  [fetches a plastic case out of a drawer] 

  Gavin : I had this little case made for it.

  [opens it and shows it to him] 

  Gavin : Thirteen years. And then, one Thursday afternoon, Barbara came to see me. And when she left...

• Gavin : My father used to say there are four things that tell the world what a man is - his house, his car, his wife and his shoes.

• Gavin : Gavin: Women are a lot meaner than we give them credit for.