Major League (1989)

Charlie Sheen: Ricky Vaughn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jake Taylor : That's my wife...

  Willie Mays Hayes : Does she know that?

  Jake Taylor : Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?

  Willie Mays Hayes : I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.

  Rick Vaughn : Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?

• [Rick thinks he's been cut from the team] 

  Rick Vaughn : I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're fuckin' ass!

  [Throws baseball against locker] 

  Lou Brown : Good, I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you.

  Rick Vaughn : What?

  Lou Brown : I think someone's been having some fun with you.

• [Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us] 

  Everybody : Hello. Do you know us?

  [Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps] 

  Everybody : We're a Major League Baseball team.

  Jake Taylor : But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.

  Eddie Harris : That's why we carry the American Express card.

  Rick Vaughn : No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.

  Pedro Cerrano : [pointing to us]  So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.

  Roger Dorn : Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...

  [Roger snaps his fingers] 

  Lou Brown : We're contenders now.

  [Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card] 

  Willie Mays Hayes : The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.

• Willie Mays Hayes : What the hell league you been playing in?

  Rick Vaughn : California Penal...

  Willie Mays Hayes : Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?

  Rick Vaughn : Stole a car.

• [the Indians are on a plane during a thunderstorm] 

  Willie Mays Hayes : Call the stewardess, Vaughn. I need one of those bags.

  Rick Vaughn : There aren't any stewardesses.

  Willie Mays Hayes : I wonder if they are any pilots.

• [from trailer; cut from final film; line reincarnated in Major League II] 

  Jake Taylor : [Vaughn is lamenting the long home run he gave up]  That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.

  Rick Vaughn : Name one.

  Jake Taylor : Yellowstone?

• Roger Dorn : [shouting]  Don't fuck with me, Vaughn.

  Rick Vaughn : Yeah?

  [shouting] 

  Rick Vaughn : Fuck you.

  Roger Dorn : What's the matter, rookie Fuck-Wad? Can't you take a little joke?

  Rick Vaughn : Real fucking funny, asshole.

  Lou Brown : All right,

  [shouting] 

  Lou Brown : All right. Knock that shit off.

  Roger Dorn : Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I'm not about to take his shit.

  Lou Brown : Shut up, Dorn.

• Rick Vaughn : [Seeing Harris take off his shirt, revealing white suff on his chest]  What's that shit on your chest?

  Eddie Harris : [Looking at his chest]  Crisco.

  Eddie Harris : [wiping it across his head] 

  Eddie Harris : Bardol.

  Eddie Harris : [wiping it along his waist line] 

  Eddie Harris : Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeo up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just...

  Eddie Harris : [wipes his nose] 

  Eddie Harris : ...wipe my nose.

  Rick Vaughn : You put snot on the ball?

  Eddie Harris : I haven't got an arm like you, kid. I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.

• Rick Vaughn : [converses with Taylor on the mound]  Fucking Dorn! This game should be over by now. He could've had that ball, he tanked it on purpose!

  Jake Taylor : Hey! This isn't the California Penal League, Vaughn, we're professionals here! We don't tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the cry baby shit! Now, you've pitched a hell of a game, you want to finish it, don't you?

  Rick Vaughn : Yeah.

  Jake Taylor : Good... think you can get a strike on this guy?

  Rick Vaughn : Won't be much on it, my arm feels like Jello right now.

  Jake Taylor : Just get it over the plate, I want him to swing.

  Rick Vaughn : The last time I did that, the guy hit a ball that hasn't even landed yet!

  Jake Taylor : [grins]  Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

• Indians Fan : Hey, Vaughn. Can I have your autograph?

  [Hands Vaughn a match box with a pen] 

  Rick Vaughn : Sure.

  [while signing the match box] 

  Rick Vaughn : My first autograph. I couldn't give these away a few weeks ago.

  Indians Fan : I heard your news on the radio. You made their hall of shame.

  Rick Vaughn : [Becomes mildly annoyed, but gives back the match box to the fan] 

  [Under his breath] 

  Rick Vaughn : Nice hair.

  Jake Taylor : Yeah, well you're a celeberty now, Vaughn

• Eddie Harris : [looking at Vaughn's new glasses]  Hey, man, they look nice. I had a pair just like them.

  Rick Vaughn : Well, after the game I'm gonna go pick out a pair that's more me.

  Eddie Harris : Good luck.

  Lou Brown : They look good. Besides, seeing is the most important thing, son.

  Willie Mays Hayes : I don't think it's that important.

  Rick Vaughn : [looking back into mirror]  Fuck...

• Umpire : [after hitting Coleman]  You're out of here rookie.

  Rick Vaughn : I'm out?

  Umpire : Yes you are!

  Rick Vaughn : Hey, c'mon. That's an accident!

  Umpire : You threw at him intentionally!

  Rick Vaughn : Oh, kiss my ass!

  Umpire : You're gone.

  Rick Vaughn : You're full of shit! Fuck you!

  Umpire : Get outta here rookie.

  Rick Vaughn : Oh! Why don't you blow me ump!

• Suzanne Dorn : Mind if I join you?

  Rick Vaughn : I don't think I'm very good company, right now.

  Suzanne Dorn : Why not?

  Rick Vaughn : The job I guess. I'm uh, a ball player.

  Suzanne Dorn : That's not why I'm here. I don't chase ball players.

  [Leans over to Vaughn] 

  Suzanne Dorn : I think you're the sexiest man I have ever layed my eyes on.

  Rick Vaughn : [calling the bartender]  Check?

• Umpire : [Ejects Vaughn from the game after hitting Coleman]  You threw at him intentionally!

  Rick Vaughn : Oh, kiss my ass!

  Umpire : You're gone!

  Rick Vaughn : You're full of shit! Fuck you!

  Umpire : Get outta here, rookie!

  Rick Vaughn : Oh, why don't you blow me ump?

• Harry Doyle : [after Vaughn accidentally hits Coleman of the Yankees]  Uh, oh.

  Lou Brown : Interesting.

  Harry Doyle : [Seeing the Umpire throw out Vaughn]  'Bout time it's Eight nothing.

  Umpire : You, you're gone.

  Rick Vaughn : What?

  Umpire : You hear me, you're gone.

  Rick Vaughn : He was on top of the plate.

  Heywood : Oh, c'mon that's horseshit.

  Lou Brown : [to Pepper]  I think you can get him out of there.

  Rick Vaughn : The ball slipped out of my hand, it was an accident.

  Umpire : You threw at him intentionally.

  Rick Vaughn : Oh, kiss my ass.

  Umpire : Get out of here.

  Rick Vaughn : You're full of shit, fuck you!

  Umpire : Get out of here, rookie.

  Rick Vaughn : Hey, why don't you blow me, ump?

• Rick Vaughn : [after spending the night with Suzanne]  I didn't get your name.

  Suzanne Dorn : It's Suzanne. Suzanne Dorn. Mrs Roger Dorn.

  [Sees Jake in the kitchen] 

  Suzanne Dorn : Oh, hi, Jake!

  Rick Vaughn : [to Jake]  I didn't know who she was!