The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)

John Neville: Hieronymus Karl Frederick Baron von Munchausen

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sultan : Have you any famous last words?

  Baron Munchausen : Not yet.

  Sultan : "Not yet"? Is that famous?

• Baron Munchausen : Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.

• Sally : Are you all right?

  Baron Munchausen : Am I dead?

  Sally : No.

  Baron Munchausen : Blast!

  Sally : Who are you really?

  Baron Munchausen : [groans] 

  Sally : Baron Munchausen isn't real, he's only in stories.

  Baron Munchausen : Go away! I'm trying to die!

  Sally : Why?

  Baron Munchausen : Because I'm tired of the world and the world is evidently tired of me.

  Sally : But why? Why?

  Baron Munchausen : Why, why, why! Because it's all logic and reason now. Science, progress, laws of hydraulics, laws of social dynamics, laws of this, that, and the other. No place for three-legged cyclops in the South Seas. No place for cucumber trees and oceans of wine. No place for me.

• Baron Munchausen : What's this?

  Vulcan : Oh, this is our prototype. RX, uh, Intercontinental, radar-sneaky, multi-warheaded nuclear missile.

  Baron Munchausen : Ah! What does it do?

  Vulcan : Do? Kills the enemy.

  Baron Munchausen : All the enemy?

  Vulcan : Aye, all of them. All their wives, and all their children, and all their sheep, and all their cattle, and all their cats and dogs. All of them. All of them gone for good.

  Sally : That's horrible.

  Vulcan : Ahh. Well, you see, the advantage is you don't have to see one single one of them die. You just sit comfortably thousands of miles away from the battlefield and simply press the button.

  Berthold : Well, where's the fun in that?

• [repeated line] 

  Baron Munchausen : I have learned from experience that a modicum of snuff can be most efficacious.

• Baron Munchausen : And that was only one of the many occasions on which I met my death, an experience which I don't hesitate strongly to recommend.

• Baron Munchausen : Gentlemen! Don't you think it would be a good idea to silence those enemy cannons?

  Gunner : No, sir.

  Baron Munchausen : No?

  Gunner : It's Wednesday.

• Berthold : Hang on. Hang on! It's all coming back. I've-I've been stuck here for over twenty years, ever since you were last here on the moon. You abandoned me here! You swine! You toddled off with that old queen of tarts and left me to rot in that parrot cage, didn't you? And now you come back here, just because it suits you, after wasting half my life and expect me to follow you to the ends of the earth!

  Baron Munchausen : Yes.

  Berthold : All right.

• Baron Munchausen : Everyone who had a talent for it lived happily ever after.

• Baron Munchausen : You do believe me, don't you?

  Sally : I'm doing my best.

• Sally : You look different, younger.

  Baron Munchausen : I always feel rejuvenated by a touch of adventure. For heaven's sake, don't you get any younger or I'll have to find a wet nurse.

• [the sound of the Turks' cannons being fired] 

  Baron Munchausen : They're inviting us to defeat them! We must oblige them!

• Baron Munchausen : [after being saved by Sally]  You horrible little brat! Can't you let me die in peace once in a while?

• [repeated line] 

  Baron Munchausen : Open the gates!

• Baron Munchausen : Berthold, come on.

  Berthold : Let go of me!

  Baron Munchausen : You're coming with us.

  Berthold : No chance!

  Baron Munchausen : Why not?

  Berthold : I can't remember.

  Baron Munchausen : You're not frightened, are you?

  Berthold : That's it!

• [the Queen's head comes to rescue the Baron] 

  Baron Munchausen : Where exactly is Roger?

  Queen Ariadne : In bed, with my body, of course. OH!

  [makes a series of high-pitched moans and squeals] 

  Queen Ariadne : Stop it. Stop it!

  [to the Baron] 

  Queen Ariadne : If he discovers my head's with you - ooh! Quickly, quickly. Quickly! Climb into my hair.

  [continuing to whimper] 

  Sally : Why is she making those funny noises?

  Baron Munchausen : Um, her body is with the King, and he is, uh... tickling her feet.

• Baron Munchausen : I want you to come and help us fight the Turk again.

  Albrecht : Oh no, I couldn't do that. No. Not since I found myself. No, now I really know it, I never really wanted to be *big*, and *strong* and lug heavy things about. No. Now I know, I want to be dainty and sensitive. They call me 'The Midgett' down here. I love it. It's bliss.

  Berthold : He's gone funny.

• Baron Munchausen : The Sultan is going to cut off my head.

  Adolphus : [puzzled]  And?

  Baron Munchausen : "And?"!

  Adolphus : Is that all? Well, I'm sorry. I don't find that funny. DO you find that funny?

• Baron Munchausen : This is precisely the sort of thing nobody believes.

• Baron Munchausen : No doctors. No doctors.

• Baron Munchausen : [talking to Rose, Violet, and Daisy - three women in the acting troupe]  You so remind me of Catherine the Great, Empress of all the Russians, whose hand in marriage I had the honor to decline.

  Desmond : They *all* remind you?

  Baron Munchausen : Yes, why not?

  [waving his hands back and forth in front of the three women] 

  Baron Munchausen : Some bits here, some bits there.

• Baron Munchausen : I'm Baron Munchausen!

  Berthold : That sounds nasty. Is it contagious?

  [Munchausen's Syndrome!] 

• Baron Munchausen : Abandon ship!

  Berthold : I think the ship's abandoning us.

• Baron Munchausen : Berthold!

  Desmond : The name's Desmond, mate! We're actors, not figments of your imagination! Now get a grip!

• Baron Munchausen : So, Mr. Jackson, still the rational man? How many people have perished in your logical little war?

  Horatio Jackson : There are certain rules to the proper conduct of living. We cannot fly to the moon. We cannot defy death. We must face the facts. Not the folly of fantasists like yourself who don't live in the real world... and who consequently come to a very sticky end.

• Sally : [the King of the Moon has imprisoned Sally and the Baron in a cage]  'One of the King's favourites'!

  Baron Munchausen : This cage isn't real, just part of the King's lunacy.

  Sally : [stamping on the metal floor]  Seems solid enough to me.

  Baron Munchausen : I see we're in a not-very-helpful frame of mind...

• Baron Munchausen : The funny thing is their heads don't always see eye-to-eye.

• Baron Munchausen : I always feel rejuvenated by a touch of adventure.

• Baron Munchausen : Don't fret. The town is in no immediate danger.

• Baron Munchausen : Berthold, make yourself useful.

• Baron Munchausen : I didn't fly miles. It was more like a mile-and-a-half. And I didn't precisely fly. I merely held onto a mortar shell in the first instance and then a cannonball on the way back.

• Horatio Jackson : I'm afraid, sir, you have rather a weak grasp of reality.

  Baron Munchausen : Your "reality," sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever!

• Baron Munchausen : Sultan, if you are still interested in my head, it's yours. I'm tired of it.

• Baron Munchausen : If you want to see Baron Munchausen again, I suggest you do something about it.

• Baron Munchausen : Bea-u-ti-ful ladies. Bea-u-ti-ful ladies.

• Baron Munchausen : No Doctors! No Doctors!