Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
David L. Lander: Smart Ass
Photos
Quotes
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Eddie Valiant : I'm through with taking falls / And bouncing off the walls / Without that gun, I'd have some fun / I'd kick you in the...
[bottle falls on his head]
Roger Rabbit : Nose!
Smart Ass : Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls."
Eddie Valiant : No, but this does.
[kicks Smartass in the crotch, propelling him into a vat of Dip]
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Smart Ass : Look, Valiant, we got a reliable tip-off. The rabbit was here. It was corrugated by several others. So cut the "bull-shtick"!
Eddie Valiant : You keep talkin' like that, and I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out!
[he sticks a bar of soap in Smart Ass's mouth, making the other weasels laugh]
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Eddie Valiant : Everything's funny to you, ain't it, needlenose?
Smart Ass : You got a problem with that, Valiant?
Eddie Valiant : No, I just want you to know something about the guy you're gonna dip.
[Pulls a lever on a calliope, which plays "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"]
Eddie Valiant : [singing] Now Roger is his name / Laughter is his game / C'mon you dope, untie his rope / And watch him go insane.
[He starts dancing and tumbling around, as the weasels laugh]
Jessica Rabbit : He's lost his mind.
Roger Rabbit : I don't think so.
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Smart Ass : We searched Valiant boss. The will ain't on him.
Judge Doom : Then frisk the woman.
Greasy : *I'll* handle this one...
[He puts his hand down her dress and feels around for a beat before screaming in pain and removing his hand which has been caught by a bear trap]
Eddie Valiant : [to Jessica] Nice booby trap.
[the weasels all laugh at Greasy's misfortune, but Doom glares at them and they stop]
Judge Doom : Do they have the will or not?
Smart Ass : Nah, just a stupid love letter.
Judge Doom : No matter. I doubt that will is going to show up in the next fifteen minutes anyway.
Eddie Valiant : What happens in the next fifteen minutes?
Judge Doom : Toontown will be legally mine, lock, stock and barrel.
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Smart Ass : Search the place, boys, and leave no stone interned.
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Smart Ass : [From outside Eddie's Office] Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger Rabbit : What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
Eddie Valiant : What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.
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[Eddie is hiding Roger and the handcuffs in his sink, to hide him from the Toon Patrol]
Smart Ass : Okay, wise-guy. Where's the rabbit?
Eddie Valiant : Haven't seen 'im.
Smart Ass : [sniffs suspiciously at the sink] What's in there?
Eddie Valiant : [holds up a dirty sock] My lingerie.
Smart Ass : [yelps, winces, and covers his nose] I see, Valiant.
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Smart Ass : Say, Judge. You want we should disresemble the place?
Judge Doom : No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me.
[Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter]
Judge Doom : No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick.
[Continues tapping]
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Smart Ass : Hey Judge, what should we do with the wallflower?
[referring to Eddie who is now visible through the hole in the wall]
Judge Doom : [holding Roger by the neck] We'll settle with him later. Right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some dip.
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Judge Doom : Have they got the will or not?
Smart Ass : [Holding out Jessica's Love Letter from Roger found in Eddie's pocket] Nah, just a stupid love letter.
Judge Doom : No matter. I doubt the will'll show up in the next fifteen minutes, anyway.
Eddie Valiant : What happens in the next fifteen minutes?
Judge Doom : Toontown will be legally mine, lock, stock and barrel.
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Smart Ass : And as for you, Valiant, step out of line, and we'll hang you and your laundry out to dry.
