Heart of a Dog (1988 TV Movie)

Roman Kartsev: Shwonder

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Quotes 

• Shwonder : Write a certificate, citizen Professor. You know the sort of thing... This is to certify that the bearer is really Poligraph Poligraphovich Sharikov. Who was born in this flat.

  Professor Filipp Filippovich Preobrazhensky : Goddammit, I've never heard anything so idiotic in my life. He wasn't born at all, he simply... well, he sort of...

  Shwonder : That's your problem. It's up to you to decide whether he was born or not. All in all you were conducting an experiment, Professor. And you are the creator of citizen Sharikov.

• Shwonder : Excuse me, Professor, but the general meeting of the tenants of this block requests you... as a matter of labor discipline... to give up your dining room voluntarily. No one in Moscow has dining rooms.

  Vyazemskaya : Not even Isadora Duncan.

  Shwonder : And also that you should give up the consulting room. Your study can double perfectly well as a consulting room. Quite so. Isn't that right, comrades?

  Professor Filipp Filippovich Preobrazhensky : Where am I supposed to partake of food?

  Shwonder : In the bedroom.

  Professor Filipp Filippovich Preobrazhensky : I expect that is what Isadora Duncan does. Perhaps she dines in her study and dissects rabbits in her bathroom. Perhaps. But I am not Isadora Duncan. I will dine in the dining room and operate in the operating theatre. Pray inform the general meeting of this. And meanwhile kindly allow me... to take supper where all normal people do so. And not in the hall and not in the nursery!

  Shwonder : In that case, Professor, in view of your stubborn resistance... we shall complain about you to higher authorities.

  Professor Filipp Filippovich Preobrazhensky : Just a moment. Please, wait a minute. Put me through to Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Professor Preobrazhensky. Pyotr Alexandrovitch? I am glad I was able to reach you. Thank you, I am well. Pyotr Alexandrovitch, your operation is canceled. And so are all my other operations. I am giving up my practice in Moscow and in Russia in general. Four people have just come in to see me. One of whom is a woman dressed as a man. Two men are armed with revolvers. They are terrorizing me!

  Shwonder : Pardon... Professor...

  Professor Filipp Filippovich Preobrazhensky : I cannot work under such conditions and have no right to. So I shall cease my activities, lock up my flat, and go to Sochi. I can leave the keys with Shvonder. Let him operate. But on one condition. I don't care who, where or what... provided it's the sort of paper that would keep Shvonder... or whoever from even approaching the door of my apartment! The ultimate in certificates. Factual! Real! A true protection! I don't want my name even mentioned! As far as they are concerned, I am dead.

  Pyotr Aleksandrovich : Hand the receiver to Shvonder.

  Professor Filipp Filippovich Preobrazhensky : Would you mind, you're wanted on the telephone.

  Shwonder : Hello. Yes, I'm Shvonder, the chairman of the House Management Committee... Yes. We were only acting according to the regulations. I understand. The Professor has quite exceptional privileges anyway. We know about his work. We were going to leave him no less than five rooms...