Moonstruck (1987)

John Mahoney: Perry

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Quotes 

• Perry : Pardon me, folks. That was just a very attractive mental patient.

• Perry : We could go to my apartment. You could see how the other half lives.

  Rose : I'm too old for you.

  Perry : I'm too old for me; that's my predicament.

• Rose : My mother has a saying. Do you want to hear it?

  Perry : Sure.

  Rose : Don't shit where you eat!

• Perry : Now, Patricia, please don't leave!

  Patricia : So what do you think I am, some sort of talking dog?

  Perry : I was just making a point about the way you said... the way you stated your aspirations.

  Patricia : Yeah? Well, you can kiss my aspirations, Professor!

  Perry : "Kiss my aspirations"? Oh, very clever! Yeah, the height of cleverness! Waiter!

• Perry : Listen. You wanna know why I chase women? I find women charming. I teach these classes I've taught for a million years. The spontaneity went out of it for me a long time ago. I started off, I was excited about something and I wanted to share it. Now it's rote, it's the multiplication table. Except sometimes. Sometimes I'm droning along and I look up, and there's this fresh young beautiful face, and it's all new to her and I'm this great guy who's just brilliant and thinks out loud. And when that happens, when I look out among those chairs and look at a young woman's face, and see me there in her eyes, me the way I always wanted to be and maybe once was, then I ask her out on a date. It doesn't last. It can go for a few weeks or a couple of precious months, but then she catches on that I'm just a burnt out old gasbag and that she's as fresh and bright and full of promise as moonlight in a martini. And at that moment, she stands up and throws a glass of water in my face, or some action to that effect.

  Rose : What you don't know about women is a lot.