Kin-dza-dza! (1986)
Stanislav Lyubshin: Vladimir Nikolaevich Mashkov - 'Uncle Vova'
Photos
Quotes
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Dyadya Vova : Let's go, Skripach, to outer space.
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Uef : Is nightingale a patsak?
Dyadya Vova : Why so?
Uef : It's you who said he sings without cage.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Then he is.
Bi, Patsak : A-ah, see that! You've got the same raging racism as here, on Plyuk, only power's taken not by Chatlans, but by Patsaks - the ones like you and your friend Nightingale!
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Dyadya Vova : You astronauts? What's here a TSAPPA?
Bi, Patsak : Ah, over there... A rusty nut, dear.
Dyadya Vova : It's all rusty around here...
Bi, Patsak : And it's the most rusty one.
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The Space Drifter From Uzm : Friend! Tell me the number of your planet in the Tenture, or at least the galaxy number in the Spiral. I got the contacts mixed up and now I can't get back home.
Dyadya Vova : We don't know the number. We forgot, my dear. The young man here will go call the information hotline, and you and I will wait in the bakery, all right?
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : And you put this on for now.
The Space Drifter From Uzm : Ah, thank you. Listen, friends... Don't need bakery. Don't need hotline. This is my planet. UZM 247 in the Tenture. Beta Galaxy in the Spiral. This is the space transference machine. So which contact do I press to get back home? Because time is relative. You understand that, right?
Dyadya Vova : All right, how about this: we press the contacts and transfer to your place. But if this machine doesn't work, then you will transfer with us wherever we transfer you. All right?
The Space Drifter From Uzm : No, you can't do this. You have to know.
Dyadya Vova : Of course we can... my dear.
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Bi, Patsak : On Earth, how do you determine who before whom squats how many times?
Dyadya Vova : We take a guess.
Uef : Savages.
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Bi, Patsak : Is that your rear word?
Dyadya Vova : As rear as they come.
Bi, Patsak : Then goodbye, my dear.
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Dyadya Vova : I know, you people don't trust words. What am I thinking right now?
Tsan - The Desert Stage-Cart Driver : That your wife is calling around the morgues.
Dyadya Vova : No, I mean, right now.
Tsan - The Desert Stage-Cart Driver : That you'll do as promised.
Dyadya Vova : Then it's true.
Tsan - The Desert Stage-Cart Driver : Ha! No fool thinks the truth on Pluk. Absurd!
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : It's because you say what you don't think, and think what you don't think, you sit in your cages. And this whole bitter cataclysm that I'm observing here, and Vladimir Nikolaevitch too...
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Uef : You know your planet's Tenture?
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Tenture?
Bi, Patsak : Tell us your galaxy number in the Spiral!
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : In the Spiral?
Uef : Yes, in the Spiral.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : The Earth is, you know, where there are other planets, like Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter... What are the others?
Dyadya Vova : Ursa Major.
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Dyadya Vova : Gedevan, let's tie these chaps up and head North.
Bi, Patsak : What for?
Dyadya Vova : What if there is the Mediterranean sea?
Bi, Patsak : Are you insane, Vladimir Nikolaevitch? Why would there be seas on Pluk? They've been turned into lutz long time ago.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Turned into what?
Uef : Fuel, Fiddler, fuel!
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Uef : Who are you? I'm asking, who are you?
Dyadya Vova : Alien foreman.
Uef : No, you are patsak! And who are you?
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : I'm a Georgian.
Uef : No, you too are patsak! You're patsak, you're patsak, and so is he! But I am tchatlan, and they are tchatlan. So you put tsak on and sit in pepelats, got it?
Dyadya Vova : What?
Bi, Patsak : Look in the visator, my dear. Which dot responds? The green one. Now look at him. Also green. And you are green. Now look at Uef. Which dot? Orange. That's because he is tchatlan. Understand now?
Dyadya Vova : What?
Bi, Patsak : Pluk is a tchatlan planet. That's why we patsaks must wear tsaks.
Uef : Yes! And go like this before us tchatlans!
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Vladimir Nikolaevitch, this is flagrant racism.
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Dyadya Vova : Well. So we know Russian. Why have to hide that?
Bi, Patsak : We didn't hide. It's hard to penetrate a language when you think in two languages at once.
Uef : And this patsak keeps talking in languages he doesn't know! What are you looking at, maimuno verichvilo?
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : They know Georgian too!
Dyadya Vova : What did he say?
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Monkey, son of donkey.
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Bi, Patsak : I have a proposition, my dear. You give us the match now, and we'll bring you yellow pants. Sounds good?
Dyadya Vova : Thanks, already have some. Maybe Fiddler needs some? Fiddler! The aliens are pushing pants here! Yellow! Do you want?
Bi, Patsak : There is no more Fiddler, my dear.
Dyadya Vova : What do you mean, no more?
Uef : I ejected him.
Bi, Patsak : Don't worry, we have another catapult. A new one. That one was broken anyway.
Dyadya Vova : Excuse me?
Uef : I pressed the kappa, he flew away. Fiddler is unnecessary, my dear. He only uses up fuel.
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Dyadya Vova : All right, stay calm. We have sun, we have sand, we have gravity. So where are we? We're on Earth. Or...
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Or?
Dyadya Vova : No, let's suppose we're on Earth, in some desert. Right? Karakum, eh? What other deserts do we have?
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Gobi, Sahara.
Dyadya Vova : I said WE.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : We also have Kyzylkum.
Dyadya Vova : No. Let's suppose this is Karakum. Huh? So. The sun is in the west. Then Ashkhabad is that way. Got it? Let's go. Come on, come on!
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Dyadya Vova : Is there a normal entrance to this supermarket?
Bi, Patsak : You have to pay tchatls for the normal entrance, my dear.
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Dyadya Vova : And how will you get us to mother Earth if you don't even know which galaxy it's in?
Uef : Idiot, your planet number we can get for two tchatls at any planetarium downtown!
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Dyadya Vova : Do you really make cactuses out of people?
Decont - a teleportation officer at Alpha : Only out of Plukans.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Ours are Khanudans, not Plukans.
Decont - a teleportation officer at Alpha : That's not important.
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Bi, Patsak : Landed.
Dyadya Vova : Landed where?
Uef : Khanud!
Dyadya Vova : What Khanud?
Uef : The planet I was born on.
Bi, Patsak : Me too.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : It's nighttime.
Uef : It's always nighttime here now.
Bi, Patsak : Put this on for now.
Uef : There's no bloody air here.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : How do you live here?
Uef : No one lives here anymore.
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Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Comrade ecilop! Comrade ecilop! They stole our things! Catch them! Koo! Catch them!
Lord PG's personal Patsak : 40 tchatls.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : No tchatls. Our guide has everything. And the violin is not theirs!
Dyadya Vova : They didn't koo before the video-Pezhe. What are you looking at? I'll report to your management that you knew and didn't act! They'll translukate you to hell!
Lord PG's personal Patsak : I did act, I pressed the kappa right away. Fiddler is my witness. To all units! Bring the shitbucket with wheels here. Koo.
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Lyudmila Mashkova - 'Lucia' : Where are you, Vova?
Dyadya Vova : I'm here, in some place. I'll explain later.
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Dyadya Vova : Something wrong?
Bi, Patsak : No, nothing wrong. It's just the Earth is really far. We'll have to warm up for 7 minutes instead of 5.
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Dyadya Vova : Gedevan... Don't. You're young, live some more. Maybe something will change.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Fiddler is unnecessary, Uncle Vova.
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Uef : Half the planet is yours, the other half is ours, all right?
Dyadya Vova : Sure is tempting. But we need to go to Earth. Let's hurry, in half an hour our supermarket will close.
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Dyadya Vova : Friend. We have a big favor to ask of you.
Abradox - The Governor of Alpha : You may as well not continue. No. Our proximity to the Kin-dza-dza galaxy is our misfortune. They're consumed with desires.
Decont - a teleportation officer at Alpha : Corrupt desires.
Abradox - The Governor of Alpha : To continue living as a plant is a blessing for them.
Decont - a teleportation officer at Alpha : As is for everyone else.
Dyadya Vova : Maybe we'll ask them? Let them say, what's a blessing for them and what isn't.
Decont - a teleportation officer at Alpha : If we gave them the right to decide anything...
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Lady, are you the smartest ones out here? Someone told you that, or you decided all by yourself?
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Dyadya Vova : I'm asking you on behalf of my planet. Please, let them go. Who has the authority to decide that?
Decont - a teleportation officer at Alpha : Abradoks, but...
Dyadya Vova : Then take us to him.
Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Do it, or I'll take the mask off and breathe all your air here.
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Dyadya Vova : Kin-dza-dza!