Kin-dza-dza! (1986)

Evgeniy Leonov: Wef - The Wandering Chatlanian Singer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Uef : If I have a little KETSE, I have the right to wear yellow pants, and any Patsak should squat twice before me, not once. If a have a lot of KETSE, I have the right to wear crimson pants, so any Patsak should squat twice, any Chatlanin should make "ku", and Etsilopp can't beat me at night...

• Uef : Brake! Brake! Brake!

  Bi, Patsak : How can I brake after you've drunken all the brake fluid? Dipso!

• Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Excuse me, Chatlians and Patsaks, is it a nationality?

  Uef : No.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : A biological factor?

  Uef : No.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Persons from other planets?

  Uef : No.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : So what is the difference between them?

  Uef : Are you colorblind? Can't you tell orange from green? Tourist!

  [Uef is referring to a special detector device they have that when pointed to a Chatlian buzzes a green dot and when to a Patsak an orange one] 

• Uef : Either you're giving us this KETSE right now, or we won't lay you on Earth for less than 8 matchboxes!

• Uef : So put on tsak, and sit in pepelats!

• Uef : Friend, let me see your system. What kind of system have you got?

  The Space Drifter From Uzm : It's a regular system. You just press the button and you go home.

• Uef : You on Earth have a very primitive society, you don't even make differences by the colour of one's pants.

• Bi, Patsak : Unfair play! You were thinking bad moves for me on purpose.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : You should with your own brains.

  Uef : How can he play with his own brains if he's never seen these dolls before?

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Not my problem. Give me what I've won.

  Uef : Nonsense.

  Bi, Patsak : Uef, have you ever seen such a little patsak be such a greedy k'u?

  Uef : Never. I told you, Fiddler is unnecessary. Here's the result.

• Bi, Patsak : Vova, I have a suggestion. The planet Khanud costs pennies right now.

  Uef : 63 tchatls.

  Bi, Patsak : We'll sing 'mama' around the galaxy for a month, and the planet's ours. Another month, and we can buy air.

  Uef : 93 tchatls.

  Bi, Patsak : Everybody who's got no air will pour down here. The air is ours!

  Uef : They'll be crawling on all fours and we'll spit on them.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : What for?

  Uef : For fun.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : What's the fun in that?

  Bi, Patsak : You're much too young.

• Uef : Yellow pants! "Ku" twice!

• Uef : Is nightingale a patsak?

  Dyadya Vova : Why so?

  Uef : It's you who said he sings without cage.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Then he is.

  Bi, Patsak : A-ah, see that! You've got the same raging racism as here, on Plyuk, only power's taken not by Chatlans, but by Patsaks - the ones like you and your friend Nightingale!

• Uef : Uncle Vova! You have to turn the tsappa.

  Vladimir Nikolayevich : Here! Do it by yourself then!

  Uef : I cannot, I'm a chatlan.

  Vladimir Nikolayevich : Get lost! Everyone's a chatlan when giving advice, but when it comes to work...

• Bi, Patsak : On Earth, how do you determine who before whom squats how many times?

  Dyadya Vova : We take a guess.

  Uef : Savages.

• Uef : Sit down!

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Why? They're not ecilops.

  Bi, Patsak : It's Pezhe with his patsak. They find out you don't sit down... lifetime etsikh with nails!

• Gedevan Aleksandrovich : What are they doing?

  Bi, Patsak : It's Mr. Pezhe's Fourth Pump.

  An old woman in a subway cart : I love Pezhe very much!

  Uef : And I koo him even more!

• Uef : You know your planet's Tenture?

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Tenture?

  Bi, Patsak : Tell us your galaxy number in the Spiral!

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : In the Spiral?

  Uef : Yes, in the Spiral.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : The Earth is, you know, where there are other planets, like Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter... What are the others?

  Dyadya Vova : Ursa Major.

• Dyadya Vova : Gedevan, let's tie these chaps up and head North.

  Bi, Patsak : What for?

  Dyadya Vova : What if there is the Mediterranean sea?

  Bi, Patsak : Are you insane, Vladimir Nikolaevitch? Why would there be seas on Pluk? They've been turned into lutz long time ago.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Turned into what?

  Uef : Fuel, Fiddler, fuel!

• Uef : Who are you? I'm asking, who are you?

  Dyadya Vova : Alien foreman.

  Uef : No, you are patsak! And who are you?

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : I'm a Georgian.

  Uef : No, you too are patsak! You're patsak, you're patsak, and so is he! But I am tchatlan, and they are tchatlan. So you put tsak on and sit in pepelats, got it?

  Dyadya Vova : What?

  Bi, Patsak : Look in the visator, my dear. Which dot responds? The green one. Now look at him. Also green. And you are green. Now look at Uef. Which dot? Orange. That's because he is tchatlan. Understand now?

  Dyadya Vova : What?

  Bi, Patsak : Pluk is a tchatlan planet. That's why we patsaks must wear tsaks.

  Uef : Yes! And go like this before us tchatlans!

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Vladimir Nikolaevitch, this is flagrant racism.

• Dyadya Vova : Well. So we know Russian. Why have to hide that?

  Bi, Patsak : We didn't hide. It's hard to penetrate a language when you think in two languages at once.

  Uef : And this patsak keeps talking in languages he doesn't know! What are you looking at, maimuno verichvilo?

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : They know Georgian too!

  Dyadya Vova : What did he say?

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Monkey, son of donkey.

• Uef : It's not a zeppelin, blockhead. It's the final breath of Mr. Pezhe.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Bullshit. How could one man breathe so much before his death? It's absurd.

  Bi, Patsak : Fear the heavens! Pezhe is alive, and I'm happy!

  Uef : And I'm even more happy!

• Bi, Patsak : I have a proposition, my dear. You give us the match now, and we'll bring you yellow pants. Sounds good?

  Dyadya Vova : Thanks, already have some. Maybe Fiddler needs some? Fiddler! The aliens are pushing pants here! Yellow! Do you want?

  Bi, Patsak : There is no more Fiddler, my dear.

  Dyadya Vova : What do you mean, no more?

  Uef : I ejected him.

  Bi, Patsak : Don't worry, we have another catapult. A new one. That one was broken anyway.

  Dyadya Vova : Excuse me?

  Uef : I pressed the kappa, he flew away. Fiddler is unnecessary, my dear. He only uses up fuel.

• Dyadya Vova : And how will you get us to mother Earth if you don't even know which galaxy it's in?

  Uef : Idiot, your planet number we can get for two tchatls at any planetarium downtown!

• Uef : Me, on a planet where they don't know who should sit down before whom? Rubbish! Give me the gravitsappa and do what you want.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : Uncle Uef, Uncle Bi, they'll give you such a welcome!

  Bi, Patsak : No, genatsvale, when the society has no color discrimination of pants, there is no purpose! And when there is no purpose...

• Bi, Patsak : Landed.

  Dyadya Vova : Landed where?

  Uef : Khanud!

  Dyadya Vova : What Khanud?

  Uef : The planet I was born on.

  Bi, Patsak : Me too.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : It's nighttime.

  Uef : It's always nighttime here now.

  Bi, Patsak : Put this on for now.

  Uef : There's no bloody air here.

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : How do you live here?

  Uef : No one lives here anymore.

• The Presentation Crystal Owner : There was the crystal of visualization! Where's the crystal of visualization?

  Uef : Fiddler, put it back!

  Gedevan Aleksandrovich : I thought it was nothing. Just a piece of glass.

• Bi, Patsak : You know, you owe us 11,000 matchboxes! The Fiddler has it all written down.

  Uef : 11,020. I have a suggestion, Vova. You and I transfer to the supermarket. Then, after we buy everything...

• Uef : Half the planet is yours, the other half is ours, all right?

  Dyadya Vova : Sure is tempting. But we need to go to Earth. Let's hurry, in half an hour our supermarket will close.