Brighton Beach Memoirs (1986)

Jonathan Silverman: Eugene Morris Jerome

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stanley : Jesus, how horny can you get?

  Eugene : I don't know. What's the highest score?

• Kate : What would you tell your father if he came home and I was dead on the kitchen floor?

  Eugene : "Don't go in the kitchen, Pa"?

• Eugene : I think I'm in love with her.

  Stanley : Well forget it, she's your cousin!

  Eugene : What's wrong with being in love with your cousin?

  Stanley : Because it's against the laws of nature! You can't marry your first cousin, you'll get babies with nine heads!

• Kate : I need bread.

  Eugene : What?

  Kate : I don't have enough bread. Run over to Greenblatt's and get me a fresh rye bread.

  Eugene : Again? I just came back from Grennblatt's.

  Kate : So You'll go again.

  Eugene : I'm always going to the store. When I grow up, that's all I'll be trained to do, go to the store.

  Kate : You don't want to go?... Never mind, I'll go.

  Eugene : Don't do that! Don't make me feel guilty. I'll go.

  Kate : And get a quarter of a pound of butter.

  Eugene : I bought a quarter pound of butter this morning. Why don't you buy a half pound at a time?

  Kate : And suppose the house burned down this afternoon? Why do I need an extra quarter pound of butter?

  Eugene : [to the audience]  If my mom taught logic in high school, this would be some weird country.

• Eugene : Stanley, how do girls... do it?

  Stanley : Eugene, I'm dealing with a major problem in my life right now. I don't have time to describe girls masturbating for you!

  Eugene : Just draw me a picture, I brought a pencil. You want crayons? Maybe you should do it in color.

• [while watching his neighbor undress, Eugene notices a boy from the building across holding binoculars] 

  Eugene : That dirty little pig! He's watching Nora getting undressed... I wonder if he'd let me come over.

• Eugene : Don't hate me for what I'm going to say.

  Stanley : What is it?

  Eugene : I think Aunt Blanche has a great ass.

  Stanley : They're gonna lock you up in a sex asylum. If I was your sister I wouldn't sleep on the same block as you!

• [Eugene is watching his neighbor undress through a mini telescope] 

  Stanley : What are you doing?

  Eugene : Astronomy. I have to bring in a report tomorrow.

  Stanley : Let me know when she gets to the Milky Way.

• Eugene : It was a tense moment for everybody. I love tense moments. Especially when I'm not the one they're all tense about.

• Eugene : What if they took a shower together - Aunt Blanche and Nora? If I could walk in and see that I'd thank God and become a rabbi.

• Stanley : I got fired today!

  Eugene : Fired? You mean for good?

  Stanley : You don't get fired temporarily. It's a permanent lifetime firing.

• [Eugene is explaining his intense desire to play for the Yankees] 

  Eugene : I'll never make it with the Yankees. All the great Yankees are Italian. My mother makes spaghetti with ketchup - what chance do I have?

• [Eugene has just seen his first picture of a nude woman] 

  Eugene : I have seen the Golden Palace of the Himalayas. Puberty is over! Onward and upward!

• Kate : Did you hear what I said?

  Eugene : Yes, I heard!

  [under his breath] 

  Eugene : If I cut my ears off I'd still be able to hear her through my nose.

• Eugene : Liver and cabbage - the Jewish mediaeval torture! My friend Marty Gregori, an A student in Science, told me that cooked cabbage can be smelled farther than sound travelling for seven minutes.

• Eugene : [the saga of the liver and cabbage continues]  The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife... which is more than I can say for the liver.

• Eugene : I wanted to cut my wrists but the liver had worn down the knives.

• Kate : How many times have I told you not to leave your things around the house?

  Eugene : A hundred and nine.

• Eugene : She saw me on the crapper! Nora saw me on the crapper! I might as well be dead!

• Eugene : [after spitting out the liver]  I think I have a bone in my throat.

  Kate : There are no bones in liver!

• [Eugene is spying on a neighbor woman undressing when his cousin Laurie knocks on the door] 

  Laurie : Eugene, your father wants you to go to the store to get ice cream.

  Eugene : Tell him I'm busy... ice cream? Wait a minute, I'll be right there.

• Eugene : You never told me? What was she like? Was she pretty? How old was she?

  Stanley : Don't start in with me Eugene. Every time I get in trouble, I have to tell you what a naked girl looks like? Do me a favor; go in the bathroom, whack off and grow up by yourself!

• Jack : [after not getting the family's radio to work]  Who's been touching the radio?

  [shoots a glare at an innocent Eugene] 

  Jack : Eugene! It's about Poland, damn it! I don't want anyone touching this radio when I'm not home. Is that clear?

  Eugene : Guess who's gonna get blamed for the war in Europe!