About Last Night (1986)

Rob Lowe: Danny

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Quotes 

• Bernie : Was that the chick from last night?

  Danny : Yeah, I picked up the phone and she was already on the line.

  Bernie : Yeah, right. Pull this leg and it plays jingle bells.

• Bernie : You've got a lot of brass balls, you know that. I do all the work, you take all the credit. You know what your problem is? Your face.

  Danny : Yeah, right.

  Bernie : Come on, wise up, man, you're too good-looking. These girls go out with you and get nervous, man. They feel dumpy. They don't want to compete. They want a guy like - like me. You know, a guy that's gonna make *them* look good.

  Danny : You're right. A basic Neanderthal type.

  Bernie : Right! The swarthy type. A man's man. The kind of guy who oozes testosterone.

• Bernie : Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?

  Danny : What?

  Bernie : To you, I'm saying. Does she give head to you?

  [Silence] 

  Bernie : Forget it.

• Bernie : I stole it

  Danny : You did not.

  Bernie : Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar.

• Joan : So, worried much about western civilization?

  Danny : Not really. Not tonight.

  Joan : It's collapsing, or hadn't you notice?

  Danny : I live in a pretty good neighborhood.

• Joan : Oh, God! Another smoker! Look, do you mind?

  Danny : Oh, sorry, didn't know you were eating.

  [Joan snuffs the cigarette in the sink] 

  Joan : There. I just added another seven minutes to your life... it's alright, I don't expect a thank you.

  Danny : Thank you.

• Bernie : [Danny tells Bernie that he told Debbie he loves her]  Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!

  [pauses] 

  Bernie : Who said it first?

  Danny : I did.

  Bernie : Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!

  [pauses] 

  Bernie : Was it before you came, or after?

• Danny : Hey, know one thing - I never screwed around on you.

  Debbie : Oh, well, let's just give the boy a medal! I didn't realise it was such a sacrifice.

• Danny : [asking about Steve]  Did you sleep with him?

  Debbie : No, Dan, we were bowling partners.

• Mr. Favio : You know what you are, Martin? You're a 14-carat fuck-up, that's what you are.

  Danny : Something wrong?

  Mr. Favio : Goddamn smartmouth. Jesus, you got a mouth! You think people like that mouth? You think customers like it? Mr Big Shot. How come you didn't cut off that dump on canal street?

  Danny : The Swallow?

  Mr. Favio : Awww, I say dump and he immediately connects with the Swallow! You know what a swallow is?

  Danny : Oh let me guess, it's a bird?

  Mr. Favio : Yeah it's a bird, a loser bird, a dodo!

• Debbie : Look, you want me to make Bernie feel right at home? I'll serve him a fist full of white bread and a hunk of Velveeta. Okay?

  Danny : Hey, he is a better person than that *bitch* on wheels you've got for a friend. You know, she's been trying to sabotage us from day 1.

  Debbie : Oh, and Bernie's been really full of comfort and support. He hates my guts and I'm bustin' my ass, making a seven course meal for him.

• Danny : Oh, you're not leavin' are ya?

  Joan : No, we're walking in backwards.

• Danny : Yo, Gus. How about a refill?

  Gus : Yo, Dan. You know where the coffee is.

  Danny : I'm trying to impress my date.

  Gus : Then you shouldn't have brought her here.

• [first lines] 

  Danny : So?

  Bernie : So what?

  Danny : So tell me.

  Bernie : What?

  Danny : About last night!

• Danny : Let me help you.

  [pumps a beer keg] 

  Danny : Anytime I can give you a hand.

  Debbie : I'm finished. Just give yourself a hand.

• [Danny makes fun of Joan when she comes in with a cake] 

  Danny : Joanie! God, she looks grea... Oh, and she baked us a pie!

  Joan : Your vulgarian friend is downstairs, denting innocent people's fenders.

  Danny : [shouts down the stair hallway]  Yoooo, Litko!

• Mr. Favio : Business is business! You cut the son of a bitch off!

  Danny : Oh, fuck you!

  Mr. Favio : Fuck me? Fuck you!

  Danny : Fuck You!

  Mr. Favio : Fuck You, Martin!

  Bernie : Ah, Mr Favio?

  Bernie : Fuck you!

• Danny : That's good! Now if you could find it in your heart, to take this thing and shove it up your ass.

  Joan : Ah, that is very telling. On your instructions, I am supposed to rend and torture myself anally. Is that what your into? Does Deborah know about this?

• [repeated line] 

  Danny : Yo, Litgo!

• Bernie : So, into the the old shower we go. And does this broad have a body.

  Danny : Yeah?

  Bernie : Are you kiddin' me?

  Danny : So tell me.

  Bernie : The tits.

  Danny : Yeah?

  Bernie : The legs.

  Danny : Ass?

  Bernie : Are you fuckin' fooling' me? The ass on this broad!

  Danny : Young ass?

  Bernie : Well, yeah! A young broad, a young ass!.

  Danny : Right!

• Danny : Do you think she was a pro?

  Bernie : A pro, Dan...

  Danny : Yeah?

  Bernie : A pro is how you think of yourself. See my point?

• Debbie : [on the phone]  Hello?

  Danny : Hello, Debbie?

  Debbie : Who's this?

  Danny : It's Dan. Dan Martin. From last night.

  Debbie : Oh, yeah. Look, I want to talk to you about last night.

  Danny : Oh, what an amazing coincidence. That's what I'm calling about, last night.

  Debbie : Listen, I was - I was pretty drunk last night. Did anything happen?

  Danny : No, absolutely nothing. Want to do it again?

• Danny : You don't have to run off.

  Debbie : Yes, I do. It's really - it's been a slice of heaven, alright. I - I just have to go home. It's - it's a habit of mine.

• Danny : So?

  Debbie : So?

  Danny : So, I - I couldn't help noticing - you and noticing you noticing me.

  Debbie : There's a clock over your head.

  Danny : So?

  Debbie : So.

• Bernie : You're seeing a lot of her. How many times did you call her this week?

  Danny : Twice.

  Bernie : Twice! You called her twice? Dan, never call a broad more than once a week. Never, ever, ever!

• Danny : Hey, you leave here knowing one thing. I never fooled around. Not once!

  Debbie : Well, let's just give the boy a medal. Forgive me! I didn't realize it was such a sacrifice!

• Debbie : Do you want to be a jerk your whole life?

  Bernie : What?

  Danny : She said don't be an asshole your whole life.

  Bernie : Oh, wait a minute, you're tryin' to - you want to talk. Go ahead, you guys talk. You want a hot dog or somethin', Dan?

  Danny : No.

  Bernie : Deb, you want a nice, hot - 10 inch sausage, maybe?

• Danny : I think I thought it was gonna be different, than it...

  Debbie : Than what it was really like. Me, too. Maybe we were just too naive.

  Danny : Well, maybe. Maybe we knew too much.

  Debbie : That, too.

• Bernie : Wait! You didn't close? Now you're telling me? You didn't close, huh? You leave a classy chick like that just hanging?

  Danny : I don't know.

  Bernie : Tits and ass, tits and ass, tits and ass, tits and ass, tits and ass! Bloody blue, bloody blue, bloody blue, bloody blue! Huh?

  Danny : I don't know.

  Bernie : So don't know! So, what are you gonna do? Sell your birthright for a little bit of puss?

• Bernie : You think she hadn't been around?

  Danny : Yeah?

  Bernie : Hadn't gone the route.

  Danny : She knew the route, did she?

  Bernie : Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?

  Danny : Yeah?

  Bernie : She wrote the route.

• Danny : Nobody does it normally any more.

  Bernie : It's these young broads, Danny. They don't know what the fuck they want.

• Danny : The thing about redhead is: lack of pigmentation.

  Bernie : They're almost albino.

  Danny : You bang albino?

  Bernie : Well, I have and they're nuts.

• Bernie : Well, here's the shock. She's got this fur-lined bed, right?

  Danny : What kind of fur?

  Bernie : I don't know what kind of fur, but it's fur, right? And the static electricity that is being caused is sending these little sparks right to my nuts! You know, I felt like a human jumper cable.

• Danny : Who the hell is that?

  Bernie : It's Carmen. She works in shipping. You see that look she just gave you? You just know she's not wearin' no underpants.

• Bernie : She looks very intellectual. I mean, that's not always a bad thing.

  Danny : No.

  Bernie : I mean, what the fuck. If a guy wants to get on with a broad on a more or less stable basis, who's to say to him no? Huh? A lot of these broads, you know, you just don't know, you know. I mean, a young woman in today's society, by the time she's 22-23, you don't know where the fuck she's been. Hey, that''s your business, right?

• Danny : I should have, but I didn't. But, I'm not always going to do what you want, when you want it, according to your grand plan of the way things should be.

  Debbie : I don't have any grand plan.

  Danny : Who invented sandwich night?

• Danny : You know what? I like women. I like *all* kinds of women. I especially like women I don't know...

  Danny , Bernie : Very well!

• Danny : I think I can see her beaver.

  Bernie : No shit, really?

  Danny : I'm tellin' you.

  Bernie : Get outta here.

  Danny : I'm tellin' you. Look.

  Bernie : Get the fuck outta here.

  Danny : See? See?

  Bernie : I can't make it out.

  Danny : When she bends over. The top of her legs.

  Bernie : I know where it is, I just can't see it.

• Danny : So?

  Bernie : So? Tits out to here, so.

  Danny : Yeah?

  Bernie : Yeah! Twenty-couple years old.

  Danny : You got to be foolin'.

  Bernie : No.

  Danny : You devil!