The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)
Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Swedish Chef, Ernie, Granny, Horse & Carriage Rider, Link Hogthrob, The Newsman, Baby Kermit, Baby Rowlf
Photos
Quotes
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Pete : Is no good. Rats want job. Frog want job. What next, penguins?
[a group of penguins peek through the door]
Penguin : Do you have any jobs available?
Pete , Kermit the Frog , Rizzo the Rat , Tatooey the Rat , Masterson Rat , Chester the Rat , Yolanda - Rat : No!
Penguin : Well, excuse us for living!
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Mr. Skeffington : Snookums prefers the rubber Wall Street Journal to the rubber Washington Post.
Rowlf : Don't we all?
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Kermit the Frog : My friends are all gone. Well, I'm gonna get them back. I'm gonna get them back. Because the show's not dead as long as I believe in it. And I'm gonna sell that show. And we're all gonna be on Broadway. You hear me, New York? We're gonna be on Broadway. Because I'm not giving up. I'm still here and I'm staying. You hear that, New York? I'm staying here! The frog is staying!
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Roller Skater : Could I have my skates back, please?
Kermit the Frog : Hey, hey just a second. How did you know about that "toupe"?
Miss Piggy : None of your beeswax!
Kermit the Frog : Hey, have you been spying on me?
Roller Skater : I'll unlace them, while you fight. It's no trouble.
Kermit the Frog : Piggy! Have you been spying on me?
Miss Piggy : Maybe spying on vous and that certain young girl of the opposite gender.
Roller Skater : You two-timing her?
Kermit the Frog : No, that's just Jenny. She's a friend. She's a friend, and she's been trying to help me sell the show.
Miss Piggy : Ha!
Roller Skater : [to Piggy] He's gotta sell the show.
[to Kermit]
Roller Skater : What show?
Miss Piggy : Well if she is just a friend then what about the... the huggies?
Kermit the Frog : What?
Roller Skater : [shocked] The huggies? You gave Jenny the huggies?
Miss Piggy : You know maybe, maybe Kermit, maybe it would have been better if we had never have met. Then, then you and Jenny would not be tormented by my presence.
[sobbing]
Kermit the Frog : Oh gee.
Roller Skater : See what the huggies'll getcha?
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[the Swedish Chef is the popcorn vender at a movie theater showing a 3D film]
The Swedish Chef : Yaa da poppin' corn is...
[throws popcorn in the air]
The Swedish Chef : 3D! Da corn is popping in your face inna...
[throws popcorn in his own face]
The Swedish Chef : 3-D!
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Kermit the Frog : [whispering] Piggy, I thought Gonzo was gonna play the minister.
Miss Piggy : [laughs]
The Minister : [singing] Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you?
Miss Piggy : [singing] I do.
The Minister : [singing] Do you, Froggie, take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?
Kermit the Frog : [hesitantly singing] Well... I...
The Minister : [singing] Do you?
Kermit the Frog : [as everyone else listens intently for his decision; still singing] Well... I do.
The Minister : [singing] Then because you share a love so big, I now pronounce you Frog and Pig.
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[after contorting Kermit's legs, arm and mouth]
Kermit's Doctor : No doubt about it; you've got amnesia. The problem is, you were found with no identification, and oddly enough, wearing no clothing. So I did some research into the major nudist colonies in the area, and I think I've come up with something. You are Mr. Enrico Tortellini of Passaic, New Jersey.
Kermit the Frog : Well, I really don't feel Italian.
Kermit's Doctor : Oh. It was just a long shot. Mr. X, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think your case is hopeless. Why don't you go out, find a nice job, and make a new life for yourself. And what we can do for you is give you a nice, clean set of clothes. Wish you a lot of good luck.
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Policeman : Hey! Watch it!
Kermit the Frog : Oh, sorry. I gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em.
Policeman : [dismissing his suspicion after a moment] Nahhhhh!
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Kermit the Frog : May I see a menu, please?
Pete : [Hands Kermit a menu] Is special today: Yankee bean soup... with spoon.
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Baby Kermit : [Muppet Babies, singing] She's gonna be a movie star. And she's gonna learn to drive a car; she's gonna be a vet'rinarian, too.
[to Kermit]
Miss Piggy : And I'm gonna always love you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
Fozzie Bear : Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa-whoa-whoa!
Scooter : And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
Rowlf : She'll be a doctor of diseases and help you with your sneezes...
Gonzo : ...and practice neurosurgery on your brain!
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Fozzie Bear : Hey, Kermit. Can our friends watch the show from backstage?
Kermit the Frog : What? No! No, they cannot watch the show from backstage. That's it! That's what's been missing from the show! That's what we need! More frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and... and whatever! You're not gonna watch the show, you're gonna be in the show! Come on, everyone!
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Bill the Frog : Well, how about: Ocean Breeze Soap - It's just like taking an ocean cruise, only there's no boat and you don't actually go anywhere.
Kermit the Frog : Seems a bit long...
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Mr. Skeffington : Now, while Daddy is gone, little lumpy-dum-dums won't have his Daddy to give him washy-scrubby.
Rowlf : Very impressive. You speak Chinese like a native.
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Miss Piggy : I spied because I care!
Kermit the Frog : Well I care, too!
Miss Piggy : Well, *why* don't you say so?
Kermit the Frog : I JUST DID!
Miss Piggy : ALL RIGHT!
[They start screaming, then try to catch their breath]
Roller Skater : Keep the skates. Keep the skates. I don't use 'em, anyway; I just like to run around in shorts.
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Bernard Crawford : Who's gonna be starring in this masterpiece?
Kermit the Frog : Well, it's just me and my friends. You know, they're all dogs and bears and chickens and stuff.
Ronnie Crawford : I told you, I wanna do something different.
Bernard Crawford : So put some Jell-O down your pants.
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Kermit the Frog : Have you tried something simple like: Ocean Breeze Soap will get you clean.
Bill the Frog : Wait a minute! What just a second! You mean just say what the product does? Why, no one's ever tried that!
Gil the Frog : Oh, well, it's - it's crazy.
Jill the Frog : Why, it's nuts!
Bill the Frog , Gil the Frog , Jill the Frog : We love it!
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Kermit the Frog : What's going on here?
Scooter : Well... uh... we just got job offers. Uh... right guys?
[everyone lies with ad libs, "yeah", "sure", "job offers"]
Kermit the Frog : That's great. But why do you all look so sad?
Scooter : Well, it's just... they're kind of... out of town job offers. Right guys?
[more ad libs with "yes", "out of town", etc]
Gonzo : What job did I get?
Scooter : Gonzo! Shut up!
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Kermit the Frog : [after being taken hostage] Gonzo, are you alright?
Gonzo : I just saw my life flash before my nose!
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Kermit the Frog : We were hugging because that's what friends do! Friends do not spy!
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Jenny : [talking to Kermit after his pitch; about Piggy] She must be really talented.
Kermit the Frog : Well, I think you're talented too.
Jenny : You mean it?
Kermit the Frog : Of course. I know you're gonna be a famous fashion designer someday.
Jenny : Oh, Kermit, thank you for saying that.
[hugs him]
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Martin Price : Give me the general idea.
Kermit the Frog : It's all about life in the big city.
Martin Price : In the big city, huh? With cops, shootings, car chases, that kind of thing?
Kermit the Frog : Well, no. No shooting stuff. It's more like songs and dances.
Martin Price : Songs *and* dances?
Kermit the Frog , Gonzo : Mmm-hmm!
Martin Price : That might be interesting. Nobody cares about shootings anyway.
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Kermit the Frog : Thanks, everybody, for having so much faith in us. It's not often that a frog and a bear and a pig and a chicken and a - and a - and a - whatever - even get accepted into college.
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Scooter : Why don't we take 'Manhattan Melodies' to New York.
Rowlf : What?
Fozzie Bear : Yeah. Broadway is dying to get a great musical like this.
Miss Piggy : [dreamily] Broadway?
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Kermit the Frog : Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go to Broadway!
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Martin Price : I smell something.
[ALL SNIFFING]
Rowlf : [Muppets sniff, turn and look at Rowlf] Why does everyone blame dogs?
Martin Price : No, no. What I smell is a hit.
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Dr. Teeth : [singing] You can't take no for an answer, You can't take no for an answer, You can't take no for an answer, No, no, no...
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Jenny : I know my Pop. When he started out in this city, he didn't have anything either. I bet he's back there getting soup bowls for everybody.
Kermit the Frog : Really? With soup in them?
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Kermit the Frog : Hi ya, Lennie! Sweetheart, babe, I just flew in from the Coast. Hey, I love your office. Don't change a thing. Say, listen, Lennie, my private plane's double-parked outside, so I gotta run. But I got this boffo, socko script for Broadway called 'Manhattan Melodies'! It's totally today, yet tremendously timeless and I'm giving you first look-see. Because, we're like family. Have I ever lied to you, Lennie? Ooh. I think I hear my beeper. Listen, I gotta split. Have your people call my people. We'll take a meeting! All right? We'll set a conference call. And remember, Lennie, boffo, Lennie. Socko, Lennie. Okay? We'll have lunch. Ciao!
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Kermit the Frog : Hi ya, sweetheart. I just flew in from the Coast. Hey, I love your hair! Don't ever touch it.
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Kermit the Frog : What office is he in again, doll?
Leonard Winesop's Receptionist : Well, he's in suite 1024, but I'll call and see...
Kermit the Frog : No! No, no, no. That's okay, sweetheart. Listen, no need for that, because Lennie and I go way back. I'm talking way back. But, thanks honey. You're too much. Far out. Right on!
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Jenny : Feel better?
Kermit the Frog : Yeah.
Jenny : Good. Exercise does the trick.
Kermit the Frog : Yeah, stretch the old frog legs.
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Kermit the Frog : I feel like I'm being a phony and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do next.
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Dr. Teeth : I tell you, frog, the band's wailin', the music's cookin'. The crowd here is also wailin' and cookin'. Yeah, we're in hip city.
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Kermit the Frog : Piggy. Listen, what's going on?
Miss Piggy : Well, vous is certainly looking different now. No gold chains, no shirt cut to the navel, no toupee. Hmph. Quelle différence.
Kermit the Frog : What's with all this French stuff?
Miss Piggy : Uh. By sheer chance, I happened to learn French and get a job interpreting at the UN.
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Kermit the Frog : Pete, thanks for giving Piggy a job.
Pete : Rats cooking, is frog washing, is pig waitress. Is no coffee shop. Is zoo!
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Kermit the Frog : That's it. That's what's missing from the show. That's what we need. More frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and whatever. You're not gonna watch the show, you'll be in the show. Come on, everybody.
Kermit the Frog , Miss Piggy , Fozzie Bear , Gonzo , Camilla , Scooter , Rowlf : [singing] Look at us, Here we are, Right where we belong, The curtain's up, And the lights are bright, And they're playing our old song
Kermit the Frog : What better place, Could anyone be?
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Kermit the Frog : [singing] Somebody get an organ to play...
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Bill the Frog : We've been working on a new slogan. Tell us if you like it.
Gil the Frog : "Ocean Breeze Soap. For people who don't want to stink. "
Bill the Frog : What do you think?
Jill the Frog : Be frank, Phil.
Kermit the Frog : [suffering from amnesia] I don't like it.
Gil the Frog : You don't?
