'Allo 'Allo! (1982– )

John D. Collins: Flying Officer Fairfax

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Maria has disguised the airmen as waitresses, so René mimes to them that they must not go upstairs with the Germans] 

  Flying Officer Carstairs : [turning to Fairfax]  What was all that about?

  Flying Officer Fairfax : I think he means that if Hitler comes in and wants us to go upstairs with him, we're not to go.

  Flying Officer Carstairs : Is he like "that," then?

  Flying Officer Fairfax : Oh, yes.

  René : [to the others]  And they must not speak.

  [Rene turns to the airmen and mimes that they must be silent] 

  Flying Officer Carstairs : What does that mean?

  Flying Officer Fairfax : Well, if we do go upstairs with Hitler, we're not to tell anyone.

  Flying Officer Carstairs : Well, it's hardly the sort of thing you boast about, is it.

• [the airmen have entered the cafe disguised as pallbearers, when a squad of Germans arrive] 

  Flying Officer Carstairs : What's going on?

  Michelle Dubois : [English accent]  Jerries. Keep quite or you'll be shot.

  Flying Officer Fairfax : [looking down]  We're wearing the right clobber for it.

• [the airmen have come downstairs, minus their mustaches, dressed as serving girls] 

  Flying Officer Fairfax : Carstairs, you're standing like a tart again.

  [Carstairs drops his arm to his side] 

  Edith : [looking the airmen up and down]  No one will suspect them. They look just like the staff.

  René : Edith, the Germans *take* the staff upstairs from time to time. If they took these two upstairs, do you not think that their suspicions will be aroused?

  Yvette Carte-Blanche : We are much more attractive. They will take us.

  René : And suppose there is a rush?

  Flying Officer Carstairs : What are they saying, Fairfax?

  Flying Officer Fairfax : I've no idea - it's all in French.