- Brent Van Dusen III: Jerkovski, you jerk off so much, if you ever did get laid, you'd probably call out your own name.
- Rick McKay: Hey, Jerkovski! Back again, eh? Where'd you beat off this time, study hall?
- Melvin Jerkovski: No, meat locker.
- Brent Van Dusen III: Smart thinking, Mel. No better place to beat the meat, huh?
- Principal Stuckoff: Do you gentlemen know the meaning of the word vermin? Heathens? Scum? Trash? Degenerates?
- Melvin Jerkovski: [raising hand] I think I know what trash means...