Mr. Mom (1983)
Michael Keaton: Jack
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Butler : [Enters scene revving chainsaw] How ya doin'. You must be Ron Richardson. I'm Jack Butler, nice to meetcha.
Ron Richardson : Pleased to meet you.
Jack Butler : Huh?
Ron Richardson : I say I'm pleased...
[Jack Turns chainsaw off]
Ron Richardson : ...to meet you. I'm just waiting for Caroline.
Jack Butler : Well, uh, you know women.
Ron Richardson : Yeah, I'd like to think I do.
Jack Butler : Wanna beer?
Ron Richardson : It's 7 o'clock in the morning.
Jack Butler : Scotch?
Ron Richardson : Not during working hours. Ooooh, sorry pal.
Jack Butler : No problem. Come on over here Ron. Let me show you what I'm doing, taking advantage of some of the time off. To, uh, add a whole new wing on here. Gonna rip these walls out and, uh, of course re-wire it.
Ron Richardson : Yeah, you gonna make it all 220?
Jack Butler : Yeah, 220, 221. Whatever it takes.
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Jack Butler : Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club.
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Doris (TV Repairwoman) : Butler, you got a problem with your horizontal hold?
Jack Butler : I don't know.
Doris (TV Repairwoman) : Your wife says you do.
Jack Butler : Well, she ought to know... come on in...
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Jack Butler : [to Jinx] You ever talk that way to my kid again... I'm knockin' you out!
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Jack Butler : You guys keep it down now. Kevin's about to find out his test results.
Alex : Kevin's a skunk!
Jack Butler : Yea, but Kevin gets all the girls.
Alex : He sure got Nicki!
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[Trying to get Kenny to give up his security blanket]
Jack Butler : I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious.
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Jack Butler : [home in overalls, hat on backwards, carrying a chain saw, is showing a business suited Ron part of his house] Come on over here, Ron, let me show you what I'm doing, taking advantage of some of the time off to add a whole new wing on here, gonna rip these walls out and of course rewire it.
Ron Richardson : Yeah, you gonna make it all 220?
Jack Butler : [with hesitation] Yeah... 220... 221... whatever it takes.
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Caroline : [after arguing about sudden weight gain] Where are you going?
Jack Butler : [while eating a slice of pizza] I'm going to sleep on the FAT couch, if I can fit through the door
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Jack Butler : [Overloading the washer with bedding] When I was in the army, we had to run a pretty tight ship.
Alex : There were no ships in the army!
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Jack Butler : My wife and I went to the movies the other day, we saw Rocky. While I'm watching it, I'm thinking 'This guy has taken some falls' you know.
Auto Worker 1 : Which Rocky was it? 1 or 2, or 3?
Jack Butler : I don't know. Three I guess. But...
Auto Worker 2 : Hey, did the guy have a mo-hawk like Mr. T?
Jack Butler : OK forget Rocky. The point is... when you're down, not not exactly out... I mean, I mean you gotta hang tough... I don't know.
Auto Worker 1 : Well, hang tough baby! Do what Rocky would do!
[walks out]
Auto Worker 1 : He didn't see Rocky!
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Jack Butler : [on phone] Ya?... Hi Joan. How are you doin?... Ahh, it's gotta be Kevin's... Victor? How could it be Victor's? Thought he got a vasectomy... It didn't take?
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Jack Butler : My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.
Caroline : Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?
Jack Butler : Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it?
Caroline : Because I wasn't unhappy! Look, maybe I was a little confused, maybe I was a little frustrated, but I knew what I was doing was important, because it means something to raise human beings. What saw me through was pride.
[Jack takes the bedspread, pillow and a pizza slice before heading out]
Caroline : I've pride in this house, I've pride with my kids, and I've pride being Mrs. Jack Butler! Where are you going?
Jack Butler : [Eating pizza before going] I'm goin' downstairs to sleep on the fat couch if I can get through the door.
[Jack leaves the room]
Caroline : Well, you should take pride with some of that FAT, Porky!
[Caroline slams the door]
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Alex : Wow, what a house!
Jack Butler : Yeah, probably mortgaged to the eyeballs.
Caroline : Not this one, his great grandfather - Commander Richardson - built it.
Jack Butler : Eh... hand me down.
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Jack Butler : How'd you like a little trim on that moustache, Ron?
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Joan : [Shows her cards to Jack; open cleavage] Are these any good?
Jack Butler : [Trying hard to not look down Joan's blouse] You got two pair... You got... Plenty
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Jack Butler : Kenny, don't paint your sister!
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Caroline : Do you want to go over the list one more time?
Jack Butler : No, I don't want to go over the list! OK, let's go over the list.
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Jack Butler : Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't.
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Joan : Can I give you a hand?
Jack Butler : You can give me two I don't know what the hell I'm doing
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Caroline : Well, thanks. I'm sorry if I kept you waiting.
Ron Richardson : Oh, not at all. I was just having a little chat with your, ah, hubby, ah
Jack Butler : Jack.
Ron Richardson : Jack.
Caroline : Yeah, he's... quite a guy.
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Jack Butler : Take the money, Caroline!
Caroline : I can't.
Jack Butler : It was a bet! A bets a bet!
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Jack Butler : Your mom calls the vacuum cleaner, jaws?
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Jack Butler : Okay, here's the joke of the day. What's green and rides through the west?
Alex , Kenny : The Lone Pickle.
Jack Butler : Okay, they're onto me, hon.
Caroline : We're all onto you, honey.
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Jack Butler : It'll be fun. I'll bet you a hundred to one you don't get a job before I do.
Caroline : Jack...
Jack Butler : Okay, come on, doll face.
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Jack Butler : You think you're gonna get a job before I do?
Caroline : Oh, Jack, this isn't a contest.
Jack Butler : No, hon, this'll be good. This is a good idea. We'll make it a contest.
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Alex : You're not a bum, are you, daddy?
Jack Butler : No, but I'm workin' on it.
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Alex : Mommy.
Caroline : Yes?
Alex : It's a *jungle* out there.
Caroline : Very funny, Jack.
Jack Butler : What? I don't know where he gets this.
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Joan : Not so easy, is it?
Jack Butler : Boy, I'll say.
Joan : Might even be the toughest job in the entire world. Bends your back, drives you nuts, and it makes your boobs droop. So don't be ashamed about asking for help. Mommy training can be very, very tricky.
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Check Out Lady : I think these are on special.
Jack Butler : Doesn't matter, sorry, go ahead.
Check Out Lady : Let me check.
[over the grocery store's PA system]
Check Out Lady : Irv, are these Kotex Maxi Pads on special?
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Jack Butler : Wanna talk about the beard? All right. The beard's in its transitional stage right now, that's all. When it comes in, it's gonna look great. It's gonna look like that movie star, what's his name?
Caroline : Orson Welles?
Jack Butler : No. Uh, Orson Welles. Oh, I get it. Fat jokes, right? That's real funny. Yeah, I've put on a couple of pounds. So what, come on.
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Joan : You had quite a burst of nervous energy last night.
Jack Butler : Yeah.
Joan : You should have called me.
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Jack Butler : Joan, do I look fat or overweight at all to you?
Joan : I like a man with a little meat on his bones.
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Joan : [on the phone] It was very insensitive of us. Caroline had every right to be angry.
Jack Butler : We're not talking - or doin' anything else.
Joan : I'll be right there.
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Jack Butler : Where does mommy keep the extra diapers?
