The King of Comedy (1982)

Jerry Lewis: Jerry Langford

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Rupert Pupkin : I'm gonna work 50 times harder, and I'm gonna be 50 times more famous than you.

  Jerry Langford : Then you're gonna have idiots like you plaguing your life!

• Rupert Pupkin : Well I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

  Jerry Langford : So did Hitler.

• Woman in Telephone Booth : [on the phone at a booth]  Morris, you will not believe who is coming down here!

  [stops Jerry] 

  Woman in Telephone Booth : Jerry Langford, right?

  Jerry Langford : Right.

  Woman in Telephone Booth : [talks on the phone again]  Oh, Morris, please hold on.

  [turns to Jerry] 

  Woman in Telephone Booth : Jerry, could you please sign my autogr... sign my magazine for me.

  Jerry Langford : Yeah.

  [signs magazine] 

  Woman in Telephone Booth : You're just wonderful. I've watched you your entire career. You're a joy to the world. Please, Morr... would you just please say something to my nephew Morris on the phone? He's in the hospital, and anything that...

  Jerry Langford : I'm sorry, I'm late.

  [hands magazine back and walks away] 

  Woman in Telephone Booth : You should only get cancer! I *hope* you get cancer!

• Rupert Pupkin : [Jerry is trying to throw Rupert out of his home, Rupert is trying to get Jerry to see his comedy material]  Alright, alright! I can take a hint, Jerry! I just wanna ask you to listen to my stuff for 15 minutes, that's all! Is that asking too much?

  Jerry Langford : Yes, it is. I have a life, OK?

  Rupert Pupkin : Well, I have a life too.

  Jerry Langford : [shouting]  That's not my responsibility!

  Rupert Pupkin : Well, it is when you tell me to call you and then you don't take my call?

  Jerry Langford : [louder]  I told you to call to get rid of ya!

  Rupert Pupkin : To get rid of me?

  Jerry Langford : That's right!

  Rupert Pupkin : OK, all right. I can take a hint.

  Jerry Langford : If I didn't tell you that, we'd still be standing on the steps at my apartment!

  Rupert Pupkin : Yeah, alright! So I made a mistake!

  Jerry Langford : So did Hitler!

• Jerry Langford : Look, what's your name?

  Rupert Pupkin : My name's Rupert Pupkin.

  Jerry Langford : Alright, look pal.. gotta tell you... this is a crazy business, but it's not unlike any other business. There are ground rules, and you don't just walk on to a network show without experience. Now I know it's an old, hackneyed expression, but it happens to be the truth. You've got to start at the bottom.

  Rupert Pupkin : I know. That's where I am, at the bottom.

  Jerry Langford : Well, that's the perfect place to start.

  Rupert Pupkin : I know that, but I'm not say... there's gotta be...

  Jerry Langford : It looks so simple to the viewer at home, those things that come so easily, that are so relaxed, and looks like it's a matter of just taking another breath. It takes years and years and years of honing that.

• Jerry Langford : I'm sure you can understand. Doing the kind of show I'm doing, it's mind-boggling. There's so much stuff that comes down... you can't keep your head clear. And if that's the case, I'm wrong. You're right. I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, I apologize. I'm just a human being... with all of the foibles and all of the traps... the show, the pressure... the groupies, the autograph hounds... the crew, the incompetence... those behind-the-scenes you think are your friends. You're not sure if you'll be there tomorrow... because of their incompetence. There are wonderful pressures that make every day... a glowing, radiant day in your life. It's terrific. OK, if all of that means nothing... if I'm wrong,in spite of all that... then I apologize. I'm sorry. If you accept my apology... I think we should shake hands. We'll forget the whole thing. I won't press charges. You could be in deep trouble... but I will not press charges.

• [daydream sequence: Rupert is meeting with Jerry in his opulent office] 

  Jerry Langford : At least once in his life, every man is a genius. I'll tell you something, Rupe... it will be more than once in your life for you.

  [holds up Rupert's audition tape] 

  Jerry Langford : Because you've got it. From what I've heard here, yeah, you've got it... and you're stuck with it. If you wanted to get rid of it, you couldn't. It's always going to be there. I know there's no formula for it. I just don't know how you do it and I'm not curious, mind you... because I want to use the material. I'm curious because I don't know how you do it. I really have to ask you that. How do you do it?

  Rupert Pupkin : [beat]  I think it's that I look at my whole life... and I see the awful things in my life... and turn it into something funny. It just happens... but what about the first few one-liners? Were they strong enough?

  Jerry Langford : "Were they strong enough?" If they were any stronger, you'd hurt yourself. They're marvelous, you daffy bastard. Leave them alone. They're beautiful. A man said- Listen to me.

  [wags his finger to get Rupert's attention] 

  Jerry Langford : Listen to me! A man said something very profound some years ago... which I later originated.

  [Langford and Pupkin laugh] 

  Jerry Langford : "If ain't broke, don't fix it!" Want to know how I know it's so good?

  Rupert Pupkin : Yes.

  [Jerry begins playfully throttling Rupert] 

  Jerry Langford : 'Cause I envy you. I hate you, but I envy you... because it's purity, it's marvelous, it's humor based on you. No one else could do it, but you.

  [begins to mangle - again playfully - Rupert's face] 

  Jerry Langford : I wouldn't lie. I wouldn't lie to you, Rupe.

  [lets go and walks back to his desk] 

  Jerry Langford : This weekend is perfect for you to come to the house, if you care to. We'll hash it around... only 'cause I want to know how you do it. There'll be people there, but we can still work.

  Rupert Pupkin : It sounds great.

  Jerry Langford : Terrific.

  Rupert Pupkin : I would really like to come. Could I bring somebody?

  Jerry Langford : A young lady?

  Rupert Pupkin : A very special young lady

  Jerry Langford : Of course! I'd love to meet her.

• Jerry Langford : I think once you get over the initial shyness, you're gonna be OK.

• [Rupert and Masha now have Jerry held hostage] 

  Rupert Pupkin : Why didn't you just listen to the tape? It wasn't that hard... a few minutes of your time to listen to something... that I worked on my whole life.

  Jerry Langford : Let's go to my office and we'll play the tape right now.

  Rupert Pupkin : Do you know what would happen if I went there? You know, I'm not stupid.

  Jerry Langford : Nobody's calling you stupid. You pulled this off. That makes you very smart.

  Rupert Pupkin : You know, Jerry, I'm going to tell you something. Friendship is a two-way street. Do you know that? And you couldn't care less about me.