History of the World: Part I (1981)
Mary-Margaret Humes: Miriam
Photos
Quotes
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Marcus Vindictus : ...There he is! Seize him!
Marcus Vindictus : [grabs crotch] Seize *this*, honkus!
Comicus : [confidentially] *No!* Don't ever say that to the Fuzz!
Marcus Vindictus : Arrest him!
[His troops grab Josephus]
Marcus Vindictus : Do you know the punishment for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen?
[Onlookers raise their hands while shouting]
Marcus Vindictus : Okay... You had your hand up first.
1st Onlooker : Death by torture!
Marcus Vindictus : Be more specific, please.
1st Onlooker : ...You get drawn and quartered?
Marcus Vindictus : I don't think that one's been invented yet. Who's got the encyclopedia?
[a lieutenant brings him a large box marked "World Scroll - 33 A.D. Edition". MV produces a scroll, marked "D", from the box and skims it]
Marcus Vindictus : ..."Drawing and Quartering. See Torture." Figures.
[He returns the scroll and produces another, marked "T", then proceeds to skim that]
Marcus Vindictus : ... Ah, here it is - "Drawing and Quartering"... No, that one doesn't come along until the Dark Ages. Good guess, though. How about you?
2nd Onlooker : Crucifixion!
Marcus Vindictus : Wrong; that's the penalty for *high treason*. Still, very good guess. Over here?
3rd Onlooker : They force-feed you a mess of laxatives and then lock you in an airtight room so that you choke to death on your own flatulence!
Marcus Vindictus : Wow...! Ah, that's not correct, but...
[taps his lieutenant]
Marcus Vindictus : ... Hey, are you writing this down? Who knows, we might have work for this guy. Go on, write it down!
Roman Lieutenant : [FROM EARLY DRAFT, LATER REVISED]
[writing it down]
Roman Lieutenant : Hmmm, a *gas chamber*.
[chuckles]
Roman Lieutenant : That'll never catch on.
Marcus Vindictus : ...How about you?
4th Onlooker : They send you to the lions!
Marcus Vindictus : Right!
Miriam : *No!*
Marcus Vindictus : What do you mean, no? He was correct; if a slave decks a Roman citizen, the slave is lion-chow!
