All That Jazz (1979)

Roy Scheider: Joe Gideon

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Joe Gideon : Katie, I try to give you everything I can give.

  Kate Jagger : Oh, you give all right; presents, clothes. I just wish you weren't so generous with your cock.

  Joe Gideon : [pauses in thought]  That's good. I can use that.

• Angelique : Do you believe in love?

  Joe Gideon : I believe in saying, "I love you." It helps you concentrate.

• Joe Gideon : [to Audrey, while heading for surgery]  If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you.

  [turns to Kate] 

  Joe Gideon : And if I live, I'm sorry for all the bad things I'm gonna do to you.

• [repeated line] 

  Joe Gideon : It's showtime, folks!

• Joe Gideon : Do you suppose Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?

• [last lines] 

  Joe Gideon : [while dying]  Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you any more.

• [repeated line] 

  Joe Gideon : Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

• [Kate has just finished setting up a dinner date, probably to make Joe jealous] 

  Joe Gideon : Who was that?

  Kate Jagger : Michael Graham.

  Joe Gideon : Who is Michael Graham?

  Kate Jagger : A dancer in my ballet class.

  Joe Gideon : Straight or gay?

  Kate Jagger : What do you mean?

  Joe Gideon : I mean, is he looking to get laid or is he looking for Mr. Right?

  Kate Jagger : He's straight.

  Joe Gideon : And tall...

  [turns to leave] 

  Joe Gideon : [frowning]  Michael Graham is a very tall man...

  [leaves the room slowly but comes running back] 

  Joe Gideon : [laughing]  God damn it, how dare you use my phone! My phone! To call someone who is not gay!

  Kate Jagger : [laughing]  I see! You can go out with any girl. Any girl...

  Joe Gideon : [pointing]  That's right! I go out with any girl... I stay in with you.

• Michelle Gideon : It's just that I keep wondering, Dad. Why don't you get married again?

  Joe Gideon : I don't get married again because I can't find anyone I dislike enough to inflict that kind of torture on.

• Joe Gideon : [to God, while wandering the hospital after surgery]  What's the matter? Don't you like musical comedy?

• Joe Gideon : Sometimes I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.

• Joe Gideon : No, nothing I ever do is good enough. Not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough, it's not anything enough. Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. I mean, that's perfect. I want to look up to God and say, "How the hell did you do that? And why the hell can't I do that?"

  Angelique : Now that's probably one of your better con lines.

  Joe Gideon : Yeah, it is. But that doesn't mean I don't mean it.

• Joe Gideon : A great entertainer.

  O'Connor Flood : A great entertainer...

  Joe Gideon : A great humanitarian.

  O'Connor Flood : A great humanitarian...

  Joe Gideon : And my dear friend for 25 years.

  O'Connor Flood : And my dearest, dearest friend for 20 years.

  Kate Jagger : [Joe turns off the television]  You missed by five years!

  Joe Gideon : [walking to the bathroom]  Oh boy, do I hate show business!

  Kate Jagger : Joe, you love show business.

  Joe Gideon : Oh that's right. I love show business. I'll go either way.

• Victoria : Well, you're right. I'm terrible. I know I'm terrible. I look at the mirror and I'm ashamed. Maybe I should quit. I just can't seem to do anything right.

  Joe Gideon : Listen. I can't make you a great dancer. I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. But, if you keep trying and don't quit, I know I can make you a better dancer. I'd like very much to do that. Stay?

  Victoria : Are you going to keep yelling at me?

  Joe Gideon : Probably.

• [first lines] 

  Joe Gideon : To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting.

  Angelique : That's very theatrical, Joe.

  Joe Gideon : Yeah, I know.

  Angelique : Did you make that up?

  Joe Gideon : I wish I had. Do you like it?

  Angelique : Eh, it's all right.

• Joe Gideon : [after a run-through, for VIPS, of a critical number in the show he's rehearsing]  Ooh, I don't think they liked it... what do you think?

  Audrey Paris : [not smiling]  I don't know about the others... but I think it's the best work you've ever done - you son of a bitch.

• Audrey Paris : Quick. Tell me. What was the name of the girl in Philadelphia, the blonde with the television show?

  Joe Gideon : Ah, the blonde with the television show. The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show - her name was Sweetheart!

  Audrey Paris : [Audrey shakes her head]  Uh-uh.

  Joe Gideon : Honey?

  Audrey Paris : Nope.

  Joe Gideon : Baby.

  [introspective] 

  Joe Gideon : I can't remember her name.

  Audrey Paris : [frustrated]  Dorothy. Her name was Dorothy!

  Joe Gideon : Who cares? I can't remember her name.

• Joe Gideon : I always look for the worst in other people.

  Angelique : A little of yourself in them?

  Joe Gideon : A little of myself. And generally, I find it.

• Angelique : You're a real drinker, aren't you, Joe?

  Joe Gideon : Yeah.

  Angelique : Also heavy into speed, aren't you?

  Joe Gideon : Yeah.

  Angelique : Also sleep with a great many women.

  Joe Gideon : Real turn-off, huh?

  Angelique : Just the opposite.

• Joe Gideon : OK, now, all I wanna do now is to read easily - easily through the script, and, frankly, I'm not too familiar with it myself. So if we go through it, then you'll give Paul and me some rough idea of what we've got. Okay, no - no acting. Everyone just take it easy. Easy. All right, lights up. Audrey, you have your first number, and then you begin reading on page - page two.

  Audrey Paris : You see, Sammy, in California, everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom.

• Jonesy Hecht : [about the Airotica number]  It's uh... uh... interesting.

  Ted Christopher : Very interesting.

  Joe Gideon : You liked it?

  Jonesy Hecht : It's unusual.

  Ted Christopher : Very unusual.

• Joe Gideon : I'll make up my mind about the men later. But, I know which girls I want now: Candy, Casey, Rima, Jennifer and Victoria Porter.

  Paul Dann : The one in the shocking-pink leotard?

  Joe Gideon : Yeah and see if any of those are willing to be swing dancers.

  Paul Dann : She's tone-deaf, Joey.

  Joe Gideon : With those legs, who cares?

• Joe Gideon : I really screwed up that marriage. Because I cheated. Oh, man, I cheated every chance I could get.

• Joe Gideon : Stop smiling! Lay back. Lay back. Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey very good. You're gonna do it again Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. Stop smiling, its not the high school play. Count! Hold it. Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop that shoulder. Now, that's not too hard is it? Again!

• Joe Gideon : The pain is gone. I'm okay. Nothing wrong with me, a rewrite of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need.

• Joshua Penn : [watching umpteenth rough cut of Gideon's stand-up film]  It *is* better. Oh, God, it *is* better.

  Joe Gideon : [who has ignored everything Josh said, and is now leaving]  Nice talkin' to ya, Josh.

• Joe Gideon : [in the editing theater; to the group around him]  Anybody got any ideas?

  Stacy : Oh, Joe, I really like it, I think it's really funny.

  Joe Gideon : Who asked *you*, Stacy?

• Victoria : I want so to be a movie star.

  Joe Gideon : Oh?

  Victoria : Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to see my face on the screen - 40 feet wide.

  Joe Gideon : Oh, yeah?

  Victoria : "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." You're looking at my nose, aren't you? It's crooked. It goes to the left. See? I mean, like, I could always have that fixed. Like that. Do you think I could be? You know, a movie star. In the movies.

  Joe Gideon : Well, that's - I don't know anybody that could answer that question. It's - it's a very freaky business, you know?

  Victoria : Yeah, I know all about that, but, like, I wanna know what *you* think. Do you think I could be a movie star?

  Joe Gideon : No.

  Victoria : Even with a nose job?

  [Joe shakes his head no] 

  Victoria : Well, that's fair. Like you said, it is a freaky business, though. You know, you could be wrong, right?

  Joe Gideon : Right!

• Michelle Gideon : That was the first R-rated movie I ever saw and I loved it.

  Joe Gideon : Did you understand it?

  Michelle Gideon : Well, I understood everything except the part where the two girls were in bed together and they were kissing. What was that supposed to mean?

  Joe Gideon : Is dinner ready yet?

• Michelle Gideon : I think lesbian scenes are a *big* turn-off.

  Joe Gideon : You're right. I shoulda cut it.

• Davis Newman : That sex thing, Jesus. Listen, l wouldn't say you were a faggot, but you do have a lot of feminine characteristics, right?

  Joe Gideon : Right.

• Dr. Ballinger : Mr. Gideon is having severe attacks of angina that could lead to a massive coronary.

  Joe Gideon : Oh, shit! I gotta get to rehearsals. I'm fine. What do doctors know?

  Dr. Ballinger : About angina, a *little* more than show people, Mr. Gideon.

• Davis Newman : I'm telling you, Gideon, I got real insight into you. There's a deep rooted fear of being conventional.

  Joe Gideon : Right.

• Davis Newman : l got insight into you, Gideon. You know what's underneath? The dreadful fear that you're ordinary, not special.

  Joe Gideon : Right.

• Joe Gideon : I once tried living with two girls... two girls at once. We lived together!

  Menage Partner #1 : Laughed together!

  Fan Dancer : Drank together!

  Menage Partner #1 : Smoked together!

  Fan Dancer : Slept together!

  Joe Gideon : Woke up one morning... one of them was gone! On the bureau, she left a note.

  Menage Partner #1 : I'm sorry. I cannot share you anymore. I want you all to myself, or not at all. Please... please try to understand!

  Joe Gideon : I not only understood, I was flattered! I was flattered that she felt so strongly about me!

  Angelique : How do you know the note was to you?