You Can't Do That on Television (1979–2004)

Doug Ptolemy: Doug Ptolemy, Doug, Self

Quotes 

• Doug : Mom, it's not fair. You love Lisa the best.

  Valerie : That's not true, Dougie, I love Alasdair the best and then Lisa, you are seventh.

  Doug : But mom, there are only four kids in this family...

  Valerie : Yes, Dougie, but I love the Neighbors' kids more than I love you.

  Doug : But the neighbors only have two kids...

  Valerie : Yes, Dougie, but I love their cat more than I love you.

• Rekha : Hey Vanessa.

  Vanessa : Yes Rekha?

  Rekha : Is stupidity contagious?

  Vanessa : No. Why who do you think you're going to get it from?

  Rekha : Boys.

  Vanessa : I wouldn't worry about that. It only affects the male of the species.

  Doug , Jody , Alasdair : Sexist!

• Jody : Hey Doug.

  Doug : Yes Jody

  Jody : Why did you get your hair cut?

  Doug : They told me that I looked like Vanessa.

  Jody : Well, she got her hair cut so I can say that you still look like Vanessa.

  Doug : You said it Jody and now you're gonna regret it.

  Jody : [Doug gets out of his locker and goes into Jody's locker]  Hey I was just kidding!

  [Sound of punches landing]