You Can't Do That on Television (1979–2004)

Brodie Osome: Brodie Osome, Brodie, Gangster

Photos 

Quotes 

• Christine : [Sees Brodie come in wearing a baseball uniform, and carrying a violin on his shoulder as one would do a baseball bat]  Hey Brodie, what's happening. You going to play baseball?

  Brodie : I was, but my dad cornered me and ordered me to go home and play my violin.

  Christine : Well, that's a drag. What are you going to do now?

  Brodie : Compromise.

  [Throws a ball in the air, then bats it with the violin] 

• Mr. Shidler : [Everyone in class is playing an instrument badly]  Hold it. Cut. CUT!

  [They stop] 

  Mr. Shidler : You know, sometimes, I wish I were like Beethoven.

  Brodie : Is that so you can write beautiful music for us to play?

  Mr. Shidler : No! Beethoven was deaf.

  Brodie : Well I think that can be arrainged, sir.

  [They all start playing badly again, this time louder] 

• Mr. Shidler : [Catches Brodie trying to sneak into class]  You're late again. Thought you could sneak past me, Osome?

  Brodie : No sir.

  Mr. Shidler : Listen. do you have a note from your father?

  Brodie : Yeah.

  [singing loudly] 

  Brodie : MMMMIIIIII!

  Mr. Shidler : [Clearing out his ear]  Whoo. You got me that time, kid. You're lucky your father is an operatic star.

• Mr. Shidler : Attention, can anyone tell me what the three 'B's are?

  [Underlines an upper-case B on the blackboard. Brodie raises his hand] 

  Mr. Shidler : Brodie?

  Brodie : The Boss, the Beatles, and the Beach Boys.

  Lisa : No. It's Black Sabbath, the Blue Oyster Cult, and the B52s. Yeah.

  Justin : No no no. How classless of you two. Everyone knows that the three 'B's are Beethoven, Bach, and Brahms.

  Mr. Shidler : Wrong! You're all wrong. The three 'B's are the worker, the drone and the queen 'bee'.

  [Draws two small 'e's next to the 'B'] 

  Mr. Shidler : This is a science class. You forgot. you kids have nothing but music on your minds.

  [They all start humming, and Mr. Shidler joins in] 

• Brodie : Dad! Did you tell Christine that she could take the car out?

  Senator Lance Prevert : Yes, why?

  Brodie : But Christine can't drive. She's a girl! In fact, just now she...

  Senator Lance Prevert : I don't want to hear it! Christine has every right to take out the car as you boys do.

  Brodie : Okay, I guess that's fair. It's just... next time, tell her that she should open the garage door first.

  Senator Lance Prevert : I will.

  [Brodie exits as Senator Prevert continues watching TV until his eyes open wide] 

  Senator Lance Prevert : What?

• [Christine throws water on Brodie] 

  Brodie : What did you do that for?

  Christine : You said you wanted to be treated equally. Well, this is what happens to me every week... Sometimes twice.

  [Christine throws more water on Brodie] 

  Brodie : Now that is truly not fair.