You Can't Do That on Television (1979–2004)
Vanessa Lindores: Vanessa Lindores, Vanessa, Self
Quotes
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Christine : As you all know, Vanessa is new to the show and Vanessa, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me.
Vanessa : There is something I wanted to ask you.
Christine : Sure?
Vanessa : How do they make that slime they're always dumping on you?
Christine : First they take some liquid and then they add some jello powder and some flour. Sometimes some soap and they dump it all over me.
Vanessa : Where do they dump it from?
Christine : Actually Vanessa, I've always wondered that too, but I just don't know.
[green slime falls on Christine's head]
Vanessa : Interesting. Is it always green like this?
Christine : Well, yeah it usually is, but I guess it could be red.
[red slime drops on Christine's head]
Christine : Or... it could be blue.
[blue slime drops on Christine's head]
Christine : [getting annoyed] Or yellow.
[yellow slime drops on Christine's head]
Christine : Yep... Okay, you guys think you're so smart? Let's see stripes.
[red, yellow, and blue slime falls on Christine's head]
Vanessa : Boy, must be tough being a TV star. By the way, how do you get this stuff out?
Christine : Well, it usually washes out with water.
[water falls on Christine's head]
Christine : Usually.
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Mr. Shidler : Now class, as we are going on a field trip, it's most important we know the basics of nature. Can anyone tell me, what are the four natural elements of the universe?
[Lisa raises her hand]
Mr. Shidler : Lisa?
Lisa : Earth.
Mr. Shidler : Right. That's one. Um, Kevin?
Kevin : Uh, air.
Mr. Shidler : That's right. That's two. Uh, Christine?
Christine : Um, fire!
Mr. Shidler : Right. And now, Vanessa. Can you tell me what the fourth element is?
Vanessa : Yeah, but I'm not going to.
Mr. Shidler : Well, Vanessa, either you tell me what the fourth element is, or you tell me you don't know.
Vanessa : Well, either way, I get something dumped on me.
[Gives in]
Vanessa : Okay, water.
[And you know the rest]
Mr. Shidler : Oh, it's moments like these that make teaching worthwhile.
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Blip : [Vanessa enters the arcade with a large bear claw around her neck on a string. Blip stops her] Hold it kid.
[Indicating the bear claw]
Blip : What is this?
Vanessa : It's my lucky bears foot. My dad got it for me on a hunting trip. It helps me win video games.
Blip : Helps you win video games, eh? I'm soory kid, but you cannot come in here with that.
Vanessa : Why not?
Blip : Can't you read the sign?
[Points to it]
Blip : No 'bare' feet in the arcade.
[Points towards the exit, and she leaves dejectedly]
-
Alasdair : Hay Vanessa?
Vanessa : Yeah Alasdair?
Alasdair : Teddy Roosevelt was a famous sportsman, and Ernest Hemingway was a famous hunter. Can you name a famous camper?
Vanessa : Yeah, my parent's Winnebago.
Lisa : [Pops out of her locker] You know, how can you let Vanessa answer any more of these questions? Her jokes are terrible.
Vanessa : I wouldn't talk, Lisa.
Christine : [Pops out of her locker] That's all she can do.
[Goes back in]
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James : Ross what are you doing?
Ross : I thought it might be a good idea to get some bigger kids in here.
James : But Ross if you have bigger kids on the show you won't be able to bully them or steal their money.
Ross : Hey I didn't steal money from kids I borrowed it.
Vanessa : I'd like to see back all of that money you "borrowed" from me.
Ross : Well I guess that all just water under the bridge.
Vanessa : [after a bucket of water is dropped on her head] What was that for? Ross was the one who said water not me.
Ross : Well Vanessa it seems that was one of the things that you owe us.
