Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

Jackie Gleason: Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

Photos 

Quotes 

• Buford T. Justice : [to his son]  There's no way, *no* way, that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo' momma in da mouth!

• Sheriff Branford : The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.

  Buford T. Justice : The goddamn Germans got nothin' to do with it.

  Junior : What did he say?

  Buford T. Justice : SHUT UP! ONE SHIT AT A TIME!

  Junior : All right.

• Buford T. Justice : Give me a Diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a goddamn hurry.

• Buford T. Justice : [shouting at a trucker that has sheared a door off his patrol car]  I saw that, you sumbitch! You did that on purpose! You're going away till you're gray! I got the evidence!

  Buford T. Justice : [speaks to Junior]  Put the evidence in the car.

  Junior : But, Daddy...

  Buford T. Justice : Put the *evidence* in the *car*!

  [shouting to trucker again] 

  Buford T. Justice : I'm gonna barbecue yo' ass in molasses!

• Buford T. Justice : [driving through wind]  Hold my hat for me!

  [Junior obliges, but loses his own hat] 

  Junior : My hat blew off, Daddy.

  Buford T. Justice : I hope your goddamn head was in it!

• Buford T. Justice : This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.

• Junior : [waiting for the "funeral procession]  Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?

  Buford T. Justice : If they'd a cremated the sum-bitch. I could be kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now.

• [Communicating through the C.B. radio] 

  Bandit : Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.

  Buford T. Justice : Who there?

  Bandit : This is Bandit Darville talkin'.

  Buford T. Justice : Where are you, you sumbitch?

  Bandit : Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon-dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.

  Buford T. Justice : Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SUMBITCH?

  Bandit : Well, I'm right down at the bottom of the hill, Sheriff. I'm about 6-foot-8, in a cowboy outfit, got a little pygmy standing right beside me dressed just like me. You can't miss me. 10-4.

  [Buford looks down the hill] 

  Bandit : You know what? Scratch that. I can't lie to you, Sheriff. You're too good a man. Look over your left shoulder.

  [Buford turns, and sees the Bandit] 

  Bandit : We're on our way to Boston to pick up some clam chowder. Bye-bye!

  Carrie : No hard feelings, Junior!

  [the Bandit drives off, but Buford follows on his wreck of a car] 

  Buford T. Justice : I'm not givin' up! I'm not givin' up! I'm never gonna give up! I'm never gonna give up! I'll get you, you sumbitch!

  Junior : [running after the car]  Daddy, wait for me! Don't leave me! Who's gonna hold your hat?

• Buford T. Justice : Breaker, breaker for the Bandit.

  Bandit : Come on back, breaker.

  Buford T. Justice : Bandit, I got a smokey report for you. Come on!

  Bandit : Well, talk to me, good buddy.

  Buford T. Justice : You got trouble comin'...

  Bandit : Well what's your handle, son, and what's your 20?

  Buford T. Justice : My handle's Smokey Bear and I'm tail-grabbin yo' ass right now!

• Buford T. Justice : Hey, boy, where's Sheriff Branford?

  Sheriff Branford : I AM Sheriff Branford.

  Buford T. Justice : Oooh, hee-hee. For some reason or another, you sounded a little taller on radio, hee-hee.

  Buford T. Justice : [to Junior]  What the hell is the world coming to?

• Buford T. Justice : What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

• Buford T. Justice : [shouting out of a restaurant to Junior waiting in the car]  You want something?

  Junior : Hushpuppies, Daddy!

  Buford T. Justice : We got no time for that crap!

  [mutters under his breath] 

  Buford T. Justice : Dumb sumbitch...

• Buford T. Justice : And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway.

  [begins to turn away, then returns] 

  Buford T. Justice : Oh, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!

• Buford T. Justice : Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.

  Junior : Except for that...

  Buford T. Justice : Shut your ass.

• Bandit : Sheriff... do the letters F.O. mean anything to you?

  Buford T. Justice : [putting C.B down]  Sma't Aleck!

• Buford T. Justice : Apprehend that horse ass for reckless driving!

  Junior : But, Daddy...

  Buford T. Justice : Do what I tell you, you pile of monkey nuts!

• Buford T. Justice : Duck, or you're gonna be talkin' out yo' ass!

• Buford T. Justice : What the hell is the world coming to?

• Bandit : You chasin' somebody, Sheriff? Somebody chasin' you?

  Buford T. Justice : Nobody's chasin' me, boy!

• Buford T. Justice : [while stuck in traffic]  What the hell is this, a drive-in movie?

  [Sheriff Justice honks the horn, which malfunctions, and Junior reaches for the wheel] 

  Buford T. Justice : Get off of there, you Moose twit!

• Policeman : Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock.

  Buford T. Justice : You sumbitches couldn't close an umbrella!

• [having been thoroughly insulted by a junior officer over the state of his rundown squad car, Buford snaps] 

  Buford T. Justice : HOLD IT! HOLD IT! DON'T YOU EVER, *EVER* RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO? I happen to be Buford T. Justice, a distinguished officer of over 40 years' seniority! One of the most highly-respected law-enforcement agents in the United States of America! That vehicle happens to be evidence--*valuable* evidence--that's gonna convict a maniac that I've been trying to apprehend and that I have been in *high-speed* pursuit of for 700 miles! He is wanted for the Mann Act, kidnappin', and the attempted murder of over 20 brother officers.

• Junior : Daddy, the top came off!

  Buford T. Justice : No shit!

• [after kicking one of the car thieves in the rear] 

  Buford T. Justice : That's an attention-getter.

• Bandit : You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?

  Buford T. Justice : You bet your ass on that, boy.

• Buford T. Justice : One shit at a time!

• Buford T. Justice : She insulted my town! She insulted my son!

  [Junior starts to say something] 

  Buford T. Justice : Shaddup! She insulted my authority! And that's nothin' but pure and simple old-fashioned communism. Happens every time one of those dancers starts poon-tangin' around with those show-folk fags! I can see her now... runnin' back up that aisle. No, she was dancin' back up the aisle. Her knockers bouncin' all over the joint. Her ass was wigglin', too!

• Buford T. Justice : If you're gonna hang out in places like this, wear a badge on your didey!

• Buford T. Justice : Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!

• Buford T. Justice : "Hey, boy, where is Sheriff Bradford?" "I AM Sheriff BRANford." Hee hee. "For some reason, you sound a little taller on radio."

  [Turns to his son] 

  Buford T. Justice : What in the hell is the world coming to?

• Buford T. Justice : How-do officer. My name's...

  Patrolman - Traffic Jam : I don't care if your name is Broderick Crawford...