Grand Theft Auto (1977)

Paul Linke: Collins Hedgeworth

Quotes 

• Collins Hedgeworth : [runs into a used car lot]  SIR! My fiancee's been abducted! I was in pursuit of her captor who's en route to Las Vegas! I had a minor accident and I'm in dire need of transportation!

  Car Salesman : Well, we can...

  Collins Hedgeworth : [notices a Dodge Charger nearby]  Ah! That'll do fine!

  Car Salesman : Well, you got a fine eye there, boy.

  [Collins runs over to the car and gets in] 

  Car Salesman : She's a runner, too!

  Collins Hedgeworth : [hands the salesman an IOU]  Bill my father!

  Car Salesman : Well, partner, I don't know if we can let you have the car on that kind of a deal.

  Collins Hedgeworth : I'm Collins Hedgeworth! My father is Montgomery Hedgeworth! My grandfather is Elwood Hedgeworth! Collectively, my family is worth ninety-seven million dollars!

  Car Salesman : Well, I don't know. I'm gonna have to check with the manager on this.

  [Collins groans angrily and reverses the car through the showroom's glass window as the salesman turns around] 

  Car Salesman : Hey!

  [Collins drives the car out of the showroom by crashing through another window and roars off] 

  Car Salesman : Hey, boy, that's aggravated grand theft!

• Collins Hedgeworth : [the preacherman tackles Collins, whose truck has turned over]  Let me go! I gotta stop my fiancee!

  Preacher : It is God's will I caught you and God's will that I collect!

  Collins Hedgeworth : All right. Help me stop my fiancee and you'll get it all... fifty thousand dollars!

  Preacher : [gets out a bible from his coat pocket]  Swear on the bible!

  Collins Hedgeworth : [slaps his hand on the bible]  I swear!

  Preacher : Amen! Come on, let's go, boy! We'll build us a whole tabernacle!

  [they both run towards the police car] 

• Vivian Hedgeworth : Darling, don't fret about her. She is socially inferior. The whole family is a rather trashy lot!

  Bigby Powers : Mrs. Hedgeworth, my daughter isn't socially inferior to anyone.

  Vivian Hedgeworth : You, sir, are an uncouth ass!

  Bigby Powers : Well, lady, your ass isn't exactly perfect, either!

  Collins Hedgeworth : [fuming]  Sir, you just insulted my mother!

  [shoves Bigby] 

  Bigby Powers : [shoves back]  Your mother asked for it!

  [Collins begins making nonsensical karate moves and exhaling, but Bigby simply punches Collins in the mouth and he falls down] 

  Vivian Hedgeworth : YOU SADISTIC BRUTE!

  Bigby Powers : I'm glad Paula didn't marry him! He's a flake!

  [walks away as a pained Collins begins flailing around uncontrollably] 

• Collins Hedgeworth : Sir, I'd like to borrow your truck, It's an emergency! Well, if you don't want to sell it, I'll rent it. I'M DESPERATE!

  Farmer : So am I, feller!

  [He pushes Collins aside to enter the gas station's restroom] 

• Paula Powers : [noticing Collins driving alongside her and signaling her to put her window down]  Oh, God!

  Sam Freeman : What's the matter?

  Paula Powers : It's Collins Hedgeworth.

  Sam Freeman : He looks a little frazzled. You want me to talk to him?

  Paula Powers : I will.

  [rolls down her window] 

  Paula Powers : Collins, I don't need your help!

  Collins Hedgeworth : [holds up his riding crop]  I'm here to save you!

  Paula Powers : I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but we're not engaged! We never were engaged!

  Collins Hedgeworth : Has he got a gun on you?

  Paula Powers : No! Please leave us alone!

  Collins Hedgeworth : Is there a bomb in the car?

  Sam Freeman : [Paula rolls her eyes and closes the window. Collins frantically bangs on the window with the riding crop as Sam crawls into the back seat and puts down the window]  Look, it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to you, so why don't you just drop it?

  Collins Hedgeworth : I hesitate to do this with Paula in the car, but I am a superior driver and I'll batter you into submission if need be! I will bump you off this highway!

• Collins Hedgeworth : Reverse your direction, damn it!

  Preacher : You watch your trash mouth, boy!