Herbie Rides Again (1974)

Keenan Wynn: Alonzo Hawk

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alonzo Hawk : [speaking to his secretary about a group of men in his office]  Who're these clowns?

  Secretary : They're your new lawyers, Mr. Hawk. You fired the others yesterday.

  Alonzo Hawk : Okay, fellas, now I want to tear down the Steinmetz firehouse. Okay?

  Lawyer-Second Team : Just a moment, Mr. Hawk. Do you have the necessary permit?

  Alonzo Hawk : [suddenly becomes angry]  Of course I don't have a permit! I don't even own the land yet!

  Lawyer-Second Team : Sorry, Mr. Hawk. Such an action would only jeopardize your entire legal standing of your new building. We can't permit...

  Alonzo Hawk : [shouts angrily]  Will you get outta here? I didn't hire you to tell me what I can't do, I hired you to tell me how I could do it! GOOOOOO!

  [lawyers run out of the office] 

• Secretary : I'm sorry, Mr. Hawk. I called the motel but they said your nephew checked out.

  Alonzo Hawk : [angrily]  What do you mean he's checked out? When? Where? Who told him he could check out? How dare he disappear when he knows I'm worried sick? I'll tear his chicken-livered gizzard to pieces! I'll stomp him silly! I'll take this letter knife, and I'll stab that kid right in his ungrateful breastbone! You know me Millicent, normally I'm a kindly, fun-loving fellow! But when I get crossed...

  [weakly, slumping down at desk] 

  Alonzo Hawk : I go bananas.

• [Alonzo Hawk is lying on the couch in his office after having an angry fit over the phone with his nephew] 

  Lawyer : Don't worry, Mr. Hawk. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning.

  Alonzo Hawk : Ah, stop talking like an idiot. I feel better right now! Alonzo Hawk can be betrayed, but he is never defeated! Out of my way!

  [Gets up and moves to his desk] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Since none of you pitful excuses for men have enough muscle to move a feeble little old lady off her property, I'll go and do it myself, like I have to everything around here that's important .

  Lawyer : Now, now, Mr. Hawk...

  Alonzo Hawk : Oh, shut up! We'll start on Number 1 - Harassment! And I wrote the book on harrassment - We'll shut up her phone, turn off her water; we'll sic the Health & Building inspectors on her, steal her dog.

  Lawyer : She doesn't have a dog.

  Alonzo Hawk : What do you mean she doesn't have a dog? A little old lady living in a place like that? Who looks out for her? How does she get around?

  Lawyer : She has a little car she goes everywhere in.

  Alonzo Hawk : Well then, you fellows go and pick it up!

  Lawyer : Yes, Mr. Hawk!

  [the lawyers start to leave] 

  Alonzo Hawk : [Mutters to himself]  Bunch of lame-brains!

  [shouts to his lawyers] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Hold it! Hold it! You fellows will probably even foul up on a simple assignment like this. The first team is on the job now - I'LL go and pick the car up myself!

  [Gets up and walks out of the office] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Over-rated cage of PINHEADS!

• Alonzo Hawk : At the tender age of nineteen, I was the best known repossessor of cars west of the Mississippi. Hot-wire Hawk, they called me.

• Alonzo Hawk : [being stopped by a policeman in traffic]  The traffic commissioner shall hear of this!

  Traffic Commissioner : I *am* the commissioner.

  Alonzo Hawk : Then what're you doing in that monkey suit? A traffic commissioner would dress in dignified clothes.

  Traffic Commissioner : This happens to be my dress uniform. I was on my way to the ceremony for I Am A Policeman Day.

• Alonzo Hawk : [Hawk is in Rome; sees the Coliseum]  What a location.

  Taxi Driver : Ah, si, the mighty Coliseum. The Glory of Rome. Doesn't it stir your imagination?

  Alonzo Hawk : You bet it does, baby. Do you realize what a shopping center we can put up there? Plenty of parking, too.

  [a disturbed look then comes to the taxi driver's face, after hearing this remark] 

• [Alonzo Hawk is aroused in the middle of the night by his phone ringing and ending the nightmare of Herbie, attacking him] 

  Alonzo Hawk : [answering the phone]  Yeah, what is it?

  Loostgarten : [on the phone]  Sorry to disturb you at this time of the night, Mr. Hawk, but a guy with my job can't afford to make mistakes.

  Alonzo Hawk : What are you talking about?

  Loostgarten : That address you gave me on the phone.

  Alonzo Hawk : Well, what about it?

  Loostgarten : Uh, 343 Oleander Heights. Are you sure that's the right address?

  Alonzo Hawk : Of course I'm sure, you idiot! I know it as well as my own address.

  [hangs up and starts to lie back down, then suddenly sits up with alarm] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Wait a minute! It is my own address!

  [but it's too late; Loostgarten starts to tear down Mr. Hawk's home] 

• Alonzo Hawk : [after his speech about the groundbreaking of his new building]  Get those deadheads out of here, will you? What are they going to do, stand around all day drinking my booze?

• [a window washer appears behind Alonzo Hawk to wash the window. The noise of the machine disturbs Hawk, who angrily orders the washer to stop and quickly leave] 

  Alonzo Hawk : [flinging the window open]  You idiot! What do you think you're doing?

  Window washer : Washing the windows. Every Wednesday. Mr. Hawk's orders.

  Alonzo Hawk : I'm Mr. Hawk! Get outta here!

  Window washer : Okay. Cancel the windows.

  [He moves his platform away, but not before calling out to Hawk to remind him of the window, that was left opened, before he left] 

  Window washer : And you better shut the window; runs up the air-conditioning bill!

  Alonzo Hawk : [yelling]  You're fired! Get your money and...

  Window washer : [calling]  Mr. Hawk's orders!

  Alonzo Hawk : They may harass me, but don't let them ever think they have me beaten. That is when Alonzo Hawk is at his most dangerous.

  Secretary : Yes, sir.

• Traffic Commissioner : Ah, it's you again, Mr. Hawk.

  Alonzo Hawk : Save me! Save me! They're after me! They're after me!

  Traffic Commissioner : Who's after you?

  Alonzo Hawk : Those little cars, hundreds of them. Can't you see them, you idiot?

  Traffic Commissioner : Mr. Hawk, I wonder would you mind coming down to my place of business?

  Alonzo Hawk : I would be happy to. I would - Ooh, oh, oh, ahh!

  [Alonso Hawk's final line] 

• Alonzo Hawk : [after getting away from Herbie Mr. Hawk is on the ledge of the building, he takes a breath and sees some pigeons cooing] 

  [exhausted yet annoyed] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Aw shut up, and get off my building!

  [the birds fly away] 

• Lawyer : [Alonzo Hawk has just gone off about his nephew checking out without notifying anyone] 

  [picks up the phone] 

  Lawyer : Yes? Oh.

  [hands the phone to Hawk] 

  Lawyer : It's your nephew.

  Alonzo Hawk : [in an excited, high-pitched voice]  WILLOUGHBY?

  [he picks up the phone, speaking normally] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Willoughby, where are you?

  Willoughby Whitfield : [Willoughby is standing in a Hawk phone booth]  Oh, hi, uncle. I just thought I'd save time and phone you the news.

  Alonzo Hawk : Aw, that's marvelous, that's great, you're a smart boy! That Hawk blood will tell in the end.

  Willoughby Whitfield : [In the booth, Willoughby imitates a ship horn and fakes a Swedish accent]  All ashore that's going ashore!

  [Willoughby whistles into the phone] 

  Alonzo Hawk : What's all that noise, and-- and what news?

  Willoughby Whitfield : Oh, the news that I was leaving town.

  Alonzo Hawk : [in disbelief]  Leaving town...?

  Willoughby Whitfield : I'm on the ship-to-shore phone...

  [imitates a frequency noise] 

  Willoughby Whitfield : ... from the deck of the Swedish freighter, the Gustav Gustaffson, bound for Helsinki!

  Alonzo Hawk : [in a gasping, high-pitched voice]  HELSINKI?

  Willoughby Whitfield : I'm glad you're taking it like this, uncle. You know, you really should leave Mrs. Steinmetz alone.

  [Alonzo Hawk screams incomprehensible gibberish before screaming so loudly into the phone that all the glass walls of the phone booth Willoughby is standing in shatter simultaneously; Willoughby leaves as Hawk continues to scream indistinct gibberish]