Herbie Rides Again (1974)

Raymond Bailey: Lawyer

Quotes 

• [Alonzo Hawk is lying on the couch in his office after having an angry fit over the phone with his nephew] 

  Lawyer : Don't worry, Mr. Hawk. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning.

  Alonzo Hawk : Ah, stop talking like an idiot. I feel better right now! Alonzo Hawk can be betrayed, but he is never defeated! Out of my way!

  [Gets up and moves to his desk] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Since none of you pitful excuses for men have enough muscle to move a feeble little old lady off her property, I'll go and do it myself, like I have to everything around here that's important .

  Lawyer : Now, now, Mr. Hawk...

  Alonzo Hawk : Oh, shut up! We'll start on Number 1 - Harassment! And I wrote the book on harrassment - We'll shut up her phone, turn off her water; we'll sic the Health & Building inspectors on her, steal her dog.

  Lawyer : She doesn't have a dog.

  Alonzo Hawk : What do you mean she doesn't have a dog? A little old lady living in a place like that? Who looks out for her? How does she get around?

  Lawyer : She has a little car she goes everywhere in.

  Alonzo Hawk : Well then, you fellows go and pick it up!

  Lawyer : Yes, Mr. Hawk!

  [the lawyers start to leave] 

  Alonzo Hawk : [Mutters to himself]  Bunch of lame-brains!

  [shouts to his lawyers] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Hold it! Hold it! You fellows will probably even foul up on a simple assignment like this. The first team is on the job now - I'LL go and pick the car up myself!

  [Gets up and walks out of the office] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Over-rated cage of PINHEADS!

• Lawyer : [Alonzo Hawk has just gone off about his nephew checking out without notifying anyone] 

  [picks up the phone] 

  Lawyer : Yes? Oh.

  [hands the phone to Hawk] 

  Lawyer : It's your nephew.

  Alonzo Hawk : [in an excited, high-pitched voice]  WILLOUGHBY?

  [he picks up the phone, speaking normally] 

  Alonzo Hawk : Willoughby, where are you?

  Willoughby Whitfield : [Willoughby is standing in a Hawk phone booth]  Oh, hi, uncle. I just thought I'd save time and phone you the news.

  Alonzo Hawk : Aw, that's marvelous, that's great, you're a smart boy! That Hawk blood will tell in the end.

  Willoughby Whitfield : [In the booth, Willoughby imitates a ship horn and fakes a Swedish accent]  All ashore that's going ashore!

  [Willoughby whistles into the phone] 

  Alonzo Hawk : What's all that noise, and-- and what news?

  Willoughby Whitfield : Oh, the news that I was leaving town.

  Alonzo Hawk : [in disbelief]  Leaving town...?

  Willoughby Whitfield : I'm on the ship-to-shore phone...

  [imitates a frequency noise] 

  Willoughby Whitfield : ... from the deck of the Swedish freighter, the Gustav Gustaffson, bound for Helsinki!

  Alonzo Hawk : [in a gasping, high-pitched voice]  HELSINKI?

  Willoughby Whitfield : I'm glad you're taking it like this, uncle. You know, you really should leave Mrs. Steinmetz alone.

  [Alonzo Hawk screams incomprehensible gibberish before screaming so loudly into the phone that all the glass walls of the phone booth Willoughby is standing in shatter simultaneously; Willoughby leaves as Hawk continues to scream indistinct gibberish]